RE: A Day in the Clouds (Chapter 11) - The Hours Between 1500 and 1600
Chapter two was really really well done and so descriptive. As I finished it, and read the comments below, I noticed you mentioned to @dreemit that this is your first attempt writing in first person and from the perspective of Ledd in particular so you wanted to stay true to the voice. I think you did a fantastic job. You also mentioned how you had to be careful of the wording choice, but I don't think you should limit yourself by any means, with words like "carapace", "revolting", "grotesque" and "loathsome" used in Chapter 2, I felt that that definitely was great detailed explanations, but obviously not from a child's vocabulary unless they were truly well versed in literature.
I mention this because I feel you can continue to widen your vocabulary range because no matter how extensive and intricate your word choice becomes, the way you write from the perspective stays true to Ledd's interpretative perspective. And it's amazing. I just picture it as if I can speak in Ledd's native tongue and not the "alien" tongue and that Ledd is very well-versed and knowledgeable that I can understand him and even learn new words.
I loved the pillow smothering scene because it is raw and truthful and to an irrational child, that it's a quick solution to another crying baby. Haha, glad nothing too serious happened and I simply loved the chase scene and attempts to escape. Great job bro. Let your words flow, no matter what!
Thank you, my bro! "Revolting", "grotesque" and "loathsome" are actually quite commonly used here. One might argue that they're more commonly used that common English words haha! "Carapace" was the one I was on the fence about, but it was something taught early on in Science subjects. I asked around if people knew what it meant, and when I calculated an acceptable percentage, I included that in.
The suggestion is appreciated, bro, and I definitely do that from time to time in my other works. I really love to stretch that range on third-person narratives, since I'm the narrator haha You'll find out later in the story how Ledd became well-versed with unusual words :D
I'm very glad you appreciated the pillow smothering scene. My thought process there was, "what's the simplest way to shut this thing up?" I derived that from observing Zepp's actions (and some of my own back when I was a child) You're on point when you mentioned how it was raw. He doesn't know the implication of his actions, so I wanted him to act very untethered to the consequences. Appreciate the compliments, brother! Definitely honored to have your continued support :D
You're most welcome bro. Glad to support. And I look forward to seeing how Ledd became well-versed with unusual words. I just read Silver Lining #2 and I learned that his father "Dadier" aka Erwin, is a US-based company transcriptionist/freelancer, so maybe he had a lot to do with introducing new terminology to his son, I will find out soon enough. Your breakdown of the characters was refreshing and what a wonderful family photo of them. I'm continuing onward to Chapter 3. Woossshhhh
WOAH! :o I didn't know you would catch up so soon! You're such a fast reader! Here I am waiting on Part 3 of Harmony's Song, then I'm surprised by the amount of comments you left haha! I really hope this doesn't delay part 3, bro. I'll reply to each and every one of your comments to acknowledge all your effort. Since my votes are now worth a couple of cents, I have some compensation to give you as well.
Good catch! That's one aspect of it. But, the other ones would be mentioned in much later chapters. Though, it's more of a subtle nod to it. I'm glad you appreciated the SILVER LINING for this. You'll see that I introduce different approaches to it.