With you

I stretched out the width of my hand again. Feel the gust of wind that slaps my every imagination. I'm still standing here, waiting for something that will never come. I know that, but will not luck come to those who believe in luck itself? I want to be one of those lucky people. At least for this time.

"Claudia, wake up." Mama's soft voice was clearly heard in my ear.

Actually I have not been asleep for a second since yesterday. I can not. I'm still thinking about it. Yesterday is the anniversary of the 2nd anniversary of the death of someone I love very much in addition to my mom and dad. Ethan. Yes, the American-blooded Indonesian man has filled the void in my heart for 2 years. I do not know what my strength is until he picks me among the other girls who are busy chasing him. I'm just an ordinary girl who has the opportunity to feel her hands soft, warm hug and intimate attitude. Until one day, I was just not loud enough to forbid it and indirectly let it go away from me.



"I pick you up, please," I say ditelfon.
"I'll come Clau myself, believe me. Ntar night we met in the park near your home yes. I do not want to go home straight out of the airport. I have business, "he said at length denied my offer.
"What business?" I began to get annoyed.
"Clau's important business. I promise I will not be late, "he assured me.
"It's up to you" and I immediately turn off my phone.

He never denied me like that. It was his first day in Indonesia after 6 months in America which also became his last day in Indonesia. I should not be angry like that. I should have let him finish his business calmly.

"Claudia, just boy," Mom said, holding back tears. I still insist on staying in my bed. I never cried again after 1 month of Ethan's departure. I'm just silent. I hate to hear their voices telling me to stop. They never know what I feel, they just think that I'm too weak to let him go.

"Claudia mama says enough !! Ethan will never come back Claudia! He's dead! "It was the first time Mom had yelled at me for two years.

"I love you Claudia. You're young and a lot of guys out there who want to be with you. "Mama started to go too far. I'm sick of hearing what mama says.

I stepped out of the house. No matter what mama told me not to go. I miss her. Too long for the money I can not bear to hear the mama's talk that keeps telling me to forget Ethan and find me a replacement. I keep running even though I feel there is fluid in my legs. I want to meet Ethan. I'm still waiting for him where he promised me. I want to meet him there. Maybe he just forgot and intend to meet me now.

"Ethan" I say quietly as I continue to run.

I was not aware of the sound. I just keep running and when we open my eyes the lights in this room dazzle my eyes. I see moms crying and daddy busy soothing mama. I smell blood. I was not strong anymore. I do not even have the will to try hard.

"Mama, Claudia is dear to you. If mama is really dear Claudia Claudia Ikhlasin go with the same Ethan ma. Claudia already can not stand it. Claudia wants to meet Ethan. "I said weakly but smoothly.

Mama looks very messy and weak like me. But I can not do anything anymore. Ethan I'm on my way following you. Our dreams to live together eventually come true. Mama bought me a house right beside you. We can be together forever now. Do not be mad at me Ethan. I'm not trying to kill myself. I'm so glad now, for I can end up with you without fear of death, distance and time separating us.