I only make suggestions cause I care. <3

Honestly, this is a good first draft. I dump my first drafts on steemit literally looking for people to point out plot holes (and typos). Dumped one at 2AM last night. Had to read it again this morning to remember what I even wrote.
Most of my writing is in English, but some is in Hebrew. I find that I write in English mostly because I get a larger audience. Also, Hebrew is not a very colorful language, or easy to write science fiction in.