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RE: At the Hospital (Numb, Part 2)
I really like where the story is going, but I do have some editor comments.
- Why is it all in present tense? Why not past tense? If there's a specific reason for that? If not, you might consider revising it in the rewrite if you want to publish it elsewhere.
- Why did the doctor explain things to her? She's irrational and an explanation would do little. Also, odds are they've had previous "victims" fight when about to be put to death. Why didn't they have some kind of security guard or just big-ass nurse to help out to prevent... non-compliance?
I am looking forward to additional chapters!
I used to write in thr past tense but noticed that, for some reason, English is easier for me to write in the present tense (I'm German). I don't plan on publishing it elsewhere because I'd need to rewrite it completely, not just the tense. And I only publish books in German anyway.
About your second point: just because :P my readers are usually not as critical as you. I don't have much time to write and do the stories on a day to day basis. No time to revise, no time for elegant solutions. And you can only do so much in 1000 words.
I try not to exceed 1k words because then people won't read it, not on here. But I also need constant action, constantly need to drive the plot. This results in stuff like this.
The stories I publish here are steemit-adjusted.
Thank you for your honest feedback and I'm glad you're still looking forward to more parts despite the weaknesses!
I only make suggestions cause I care. <3
Honestly, this is a good first draft. I dump my first drafts on steemit literally looking for people to point out plot holes (and typos). Dumped one at 2AM last night. Had to read it again this morning to remember what I even wrote.
Most of my writing is in English, but some is in Hebrew. I find that I write in English mostly because I get a larger audience. Also, Hebrew is not a very colorful language, or easy to write science fiction in.
Wow, really?
It seems reasonable, though. Use logic to explain something and try to get your crazy illogical patient to perhaps see some reason.
Yes. After all, she has spent her whole life following reason. The doctor can expect a certain behavior, even if she's emotional.
The 1k thing is mostly experience, not real statistics.
About your questions in the other comment, I'll think of some good answers!