NIP THE CAT - Original Fiction - Episode 2

Dialogue with deadpan zip as Nip deals with his human companions. 

Scene 1

Nip is lounging in a sunny spot by the living room window.  Rich walks in with one hand behind back.

Rich:  Niiiiip….

Nip twists whiskers, yawns.  Rich reveals the yarn ball from behind his back.

Rich (grinning playfully):  Look what I’ve got…..

Nip’s head pops up.    

Nip:  My arch nemesis, yarn ball.

Rich dangles loose strand near Nip’s nose.  Nip gives a lightning quick paw, but just misses as Rich tugs string up.

Nip (wide eyes):  Ye worthy adversary (strikes again, shaves strand) have met your match today.

Rich drops ball, Nip pounces with vigor.

Rich:  Nip, I’m heading out for a bit.    
Nip (freezes, tangled):  Out?

Nip follows Rich to front door, glances at doorknob, looks at Rich impatiently.

Nip:  Feel free to open that thing anytime now.
Rich:  Where do you think you’re going?

Nip:  Do I ask where you’re going? What about my right to privacy?
Rich (sighs):  Oh, all right.  I don’t suppose asking you to be back before dark, so I don’t worry, would do any good, huh?

Nip:  He’s finally starting to learn.

Rich opens door.  Nip jets out.    

Scene 2

Rich walks into “Shady Hal’s” minimart.  Old Hal is leaning on the checkout counter, looking grumpy.

Rich:  Hey, Hal.
Hal:  Meh. 

Rich (sarcastic):  Good to hear.  Carry on.

Rich grabs a carton of milk and goes to pay.

Hal:  Those are on special.  Buy 2 get 1 free.
Rich:  Deal.

Hal:  Your girlfriend, Brunhilda, came in here the other day.
Rich:  We’re not together anymore.    

Hal (gruff):  That’s not surprising.
Rich (scrunchy face):  Not sure how to take that, but ok.  By the way, Rizzo still says you owe him five bucks.

Hal (eyes widen, voice raises):  Ratman Rizzo, huh? You still hang around that guy?
Rich:  Why do you call him “Ratman”?

Hal (rolls eyes):  Long story.  And just for the record, he owes me five bucks.
Rich:  Good to see ya, Hal.    

Hal:  Yeah, yeah.

Scene 3

Later that afternoon, Nip is strolling down the sidewalk and nearing one of his favorite bakeries.  Outside the bakery is a lemonade stand run by two children.

Nip:  Almost there.  I can taste the millet already.

The baker sees Nip and steps out with a treat.

Baker:  Hey, Nip.  You look famished.  Here ya go.  (sets millet on sidewalk, Nip nibbles delightedly)

One of the children comes over and says hi.    

Baker:  How’s business?
Child:  Great! Should be sold out soon.  Not just cash, either.  We've made some Dash, Steem, and Monero!

Baker gets blank stare.

Child:  You don't know about cryptocurrencies? 

Baker:  Crypto-what?

Child:  I'll show ya sometime, if ya want.

Suddenly, a cop struts up to the lemonade stand.

Nip:  Uh, ohhhhh, it’s one of those strange characters with a badge.    
Cop:  You kids selling lemonade?

Child 1:  Nope.
Cop:  Really? Sure looks suspicious.

Child 2:  We don't sell anything.  People give voluntary donations, and then we give a free gift of lemonade.    
Cop:  Real funny, kid.  Wise guy, I see.  Ya gotta have a business license.  Pack it up and scram.

Child 1:  Ah, come on, mister.  We're not doing anything wrong.

Cop: Just doin my job, kid.  And if ya don’t go now, I’ll have to write ya a ticket.  And, actually, on second thought, I will take a cup.  Today’s a scorcher. (smug grin)

Child 2:  No, not for you.  Not if you’re kicking us out.
Cop:  Cut the attitude, kid! Gimme the damn cup! (grabs cup, children grab his hand and resist)

Nip:  Well, I’m not done with my millet.  (sigh) But doing the right thing by stopping a crime and defending innocence is more important. (ponderous look in the distance) And sometimes dangerous.  Oh, well.   

Just as the cop cocks his other arm back to take a swipe at the children, Nip leaps full throttle into his face.

Cop:  Ahhhhh, stupid cat! Ahhhhhh!!!
Nip:  Take your money and run! Save yourselves! Behold, the claws of karma!

The children giggle, grab their cash, and scamper off.  The baker has a good chuckle and goes back inside.  Nip bounds away and scurries off.  Cop pouts, then recovers and gives chase. A minute later, Nip happens to run into Asha.

Asha (sees Nip):  Hey, you look familiar!  You’re Rich’s cat, Nip, right?
Nip:  No time for chit-chat! One of those people that wear uniforms and badges is chasing me! You got your wheels?

Asha:  Hmm, you look rushed.  You’re pretty far from home, huh?

Nip rubs against Asha and meows loudly.

Asha:  How about I give you a lift?

Nip meows approval.  Asha scoops him up and they ride off.  Cop rounds the corner, huffing and puffing, scratches head in befuddlement.    

Scene 4

Back at Rich’s place, Asha knocks. Nip’s at her side.

Asha:  Hey, look who I found!
Rich:  Hey, Asha!   

Nip:  I found her, actually.  I saved the day, and then she saved my fur.  We make a great team!
Rich:  Wanna come in for coffee?   

Asha:  Uh, sure, I can stay a bit.  Nip sure was out there.  I found him on the east side! Does he always go so far from home?

Rich:  Ah, yeah, I guess.  He’s gone for days sometimes.
Nip:  I figure we both need our space.  Who doesn’t?

Rich:  So you live on the east side?
Asha:  No, I had a meeting.    

Rich:  On a Saturday? What do ya do?
Asha:  Hard to sum up, really.  I’m involved in lots of liberty-oriented startups.    

Rich (looks lost):  Uh-huh.
Asha:  And you?   

Rich:  I do corporate accounting.
Nip:  Are you trying to establish that you have nothing in common on the first day?

Rich pours milk in Nip’s shiny little silver bowl.

Asha:  Fancy.

Nip happily approaches milk, gets whiff, turns nose up instantly. 

Nip:  This is the thanks I get.
Rich:  That’s strange.  (sniffs milk in carton) Ugh! No wonder! Blah!

Asha (grimacing):  I’ll just have black coffee, that’s fine.    
Rich:  Shady Hal!

Rizzo pops in the front door unexpectedly.    

Rizzo:  Hey bud! (sees Asha) Ah, new friend?
Rich:  Why can’t you knock? I asked you to knock.

Rizzo:  Am I interrupting?
Nip:  Always.

Rich (sighs):  No, it’s fine.  Asha, Rizzo.  Rizzo, Asha. 

Rizzo slouches on couch, puts feet on coffee table.    

Rizzo (smacking gum loudly):  Pleasure to meet ya.
Nip:  Want me to handle this? I handled a cop today, so I’m pretty sure I can handle a video game addict.    

Rich:  I’m starting to think you’re right about Hal.
Rizzo:  Why is that?

Rich:  He sold me sour milk.  Told me I was getting a “special deal”.   
Rizzo:  I told ya.    

Asha:  One of the startups I’m involved with is a direct farm delivery.  There’s organic veggies and raw dairy, so if you’re interested……

Rich:  Sure, I’ll take a look.    
Nip:  I wonder if I could stay with Asha for a while.    

Asha:  Do you have any crypto? The delivery service only accepts crypto.    
Rich:  Nope.  I’m absolutely clueless about it.

Nip:  Just what ladies love to hear.  That you’re clueless.    
Rizzo:  So did you two just meet? Is this like a first date?   

Rich (disgruntled):  Thanks, Captain Inappropriate.    
Nip:  Grand prize goes to the first person to figure out why Rizzo isn’t married.    

Asha:  I have a boyfriend, actually.
Rich:  Oh, that’s too bad. (cringes)  Sorry, I mean, great! Great! That’s great.   

Rizzo:  Bummer.  Rich’s girlfriend just dumped him, and before that, he was single for a loooooong time.    

Rich heaves and spits out coffee.

Asha:  Well, I hate to rush off, but I should go.  Maybe I’ll give you a lesson in crypto sometime?
Rich:  Yep.  (coughing, red face) Awesome.  I’ll be sure and double bolt the door to keep Rizzo out.

Rizzo:  I’d just come through the window.

Asha grimaces and leaves.  Nip narrows eyes at Rizzo.

Rizzo:  Well, I think I’ll go, too.    
Rich:  What did ya come over for anyway? Just to scare her off?

Rizzo:  Well, I saw a different car out front, so I thought I’d do a little snooping.
Rich (ponderous look):  Hmmm, keep your friends close, and enemies closer…...

Nip:  Which one is Rizzo? 

Thanks for your time and attention!

Just say "NO" to slavery!

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