NIP THE CAT - New Original Fiction Series Premier

Dialogue with deadpan zip as Nip deals with his human companions. 

Nip is sprawled out, snoozing away on one of his cushy lairs in Rich’s house.  Rich comes home and walks in the front door.  Nip casually glances at Rich, then lays head back down.    

Rich:  Sure is nice when you’re so excited to see me.   

Nip looks up, gives annoyed twist of whiskers.    

Rich (sighs, tosses glasses on countertop):  What a day…..
Nip:  Great, time to hear all about his day.  Doesn’t he know I’ve got a sleeping quota to meet?

Someone walks in the front door.

Rich:  Rizzo?! Can’t you knock?
Rizzo:  How long have we known each other?   

Nip:  Too long.   
Rich:  You could still knock!

Nip walks over to empty cat food bowl, meows loudly, and looks up at Rich expectantly.
Rizzo:  Rich, you're so snappy today.  What gives?

Rich walks over to get cat food, finds empty shelf.

Rich:  I just had one heck of a day is all.

Rizzo (sarcastic):  Must’ve been pretty bad.  You don’t normally use such strong language like “heck”.
Rich:  Aw, I’m out of cat food, too.

Nip (wiggles whiskers, narrows eyes):  This violates our voluntary agreement.  You feed and shelter me, and I let you pet me.    

Rich:  I’ll run out and get more food in a bit, Nip, don’t worry.
Rizzo:  So what happened?

Rich sits on stool and slumps onto countertop.  Rizzo sits at dining table.    

Rich:  Well, my girlfriend broke up with me.
Rizzo:  The cop?   

Rich:  Yeah, Brunhilda, the cop.    
Rizzo:  She was no good for you anyway.  She had no respect.  (puts feet up on kitchen table)   

Nip (smug glance at Rizzo):  And when will you do Rich a favor and end relations with him?
Rizzo (glances at Nip):  I don’t think Nip likes me.    

Rich:  Oh, he just gets grumpy when he’s hungry.  Anyway, the thing is, Brunhilda broke up with me at work.    
Rizzo:  She came into your accounting office?    

Rich:  Yep.    
Rizzo:  And made a scene in front of everybody?

Rich (overdramatic, arms flailing):  Big scene!
Rizzo:  Like I told ya, no respect.    

Nip:  A characteristic shared by many cops.  (leaps onto countertop near Rich) Time to get that chow yet?   

Rich smiles and pets Nip.

Nip:  Ok, you can pet me, but you’d better honor your end of the bargain tonight. (points chin up) And none of that wet food.  I like crunch.    
Rich:  Then, ironically enough, on my way home from work, I got a speeding ticket.    

Rizzo:  Was it at the dip?
Rich (sighs):  Yeah.

Rizzo:  You know they always hide at that dip by the overpass, especially the motorcycle ones.  Was it a motorcycle cop?
Rich:  Yep.    

Nip:  You should’ve just ignored him.  That’s what I do.  But if they persist, they get the claw.    
Rich:  A hundred fifty bucks!

Nip:  Do you have any idea how much food that could buy? More evidence of human folly.    
Rizzo:  Ouch, that hurts.

Nip:  Not as much as hunger pain.   
Rich:  So what are you up to?

Rizzo (proud):  Just finished a big project.
Rich (skeptical):  Is that right? 

Rizzo:  Yep, and I’ve got next week off.
Rich:  So what was the big project?

Rizzo:  We finally finished testing Desert Drag Racer.
Rich:  Xbox?

Rizzo:  Nope.  VR.   
Rich:  How was it?

Rizzo:  Horrible.  I threw up twice.
Rich:  Why can’t I have a cushy job like you?

Rizzo:  Have you ever tried to get one?
Rich:  No.

Rizzo:  Well, there’s your starting point.  Ya gotta try first.   
Rich:  But I’ve always been an accountant.    

Rizzo:  What about writing? You still write those short stories?
Rich:  Yeah, but it’s really just a hobby.    

Rizzo:  Rich, I play video games to put a roof over my head and food in my stomach.  Trust me, hobbies can make cash, too.    

Nip rubs against Rich and purrs loudly.    

Rich:  Ok, ok, I’ll run to the store.    
Nip:  You always say run, but end up walking.    

Rich (stands up and moves towards front door):  I’m going to Hal’s.  You want anything?
Rizzo:  Yeah, get that 5 bucks that Hal owes me.

Rich:  What is it with the five bucks? This has been going on for years.  He swears he doesn’t know what you’re talkin about.    

Rizzo:  Yep, that’s why they call him Shady Hal.
Rich:  Nobody calls him that but you.

Rizzo:  Well, they should.    

Rich and Rizzo walk out.  Nip curls up to sleep on the counter.  Rizzo heads home.  Rich walks a few blocks, comes to a corner, trips, falls into the street, and is blindsided by a car rounding the corner.  The female driver runs out to help him.

Driver:  Are you ok?! I’m so sorry!

Rich looks up hazily, squints, picks up his glasses.

Rich:  Uh, I think so.   

Driver helps him up.  She looks him over and notices a gash on his leg.

Driver:  Your leg got cut pretty bad.  How do you feel? What can I do to help?    

A passing car honks horn repeatedly.

Driver:  Kind of an emergency here, pal!
Rich:  Well, I think I’m ok.    

Driver:  You sure?

Rich:  Yeah, it’s a small car.  You weren’t going that fast.  I can remember my name.  No problem.  Anyway, I’m just going to Hal’s to get cat food and then home.  A few blocks from here.    

Driver:  Shady Hal’s? You get cat food from there?
Rich (surprised):  You call him shady, too, huh?   

Driver:  What?  Anyway, I feel awful.  I’ll go get the cat food for ya.  You can wait here if you want, then I’ll drive you home.  Or to a hospital, or whatever.    

Rich:  Um, sure, ok.  Just a few cans of the wet food.  That’s Nip’s favorite.

Driver parks in a red zone.

Rich:  Um, you might get a ticket if you park there.
Driver:  Yeah, I know.  Gotta try and have freedom sometimes, ya know?

Rich shrugs.  Driver hurries across the street to Shady Hal’s, gets cat food, comes back, and they drive to Rich’s place.  Driver and Rich walk into Rich’s place.  Rich is limping noticeably.  Nip glances lazily up, then retreats back to full curl.    

Rich (sarcastic):  Nice to see you, too, Nip.

Driver (laughing):  Cats are great, aren’t they? They have anarchistic tendencies.   
Rich (shrugs):  I guess.  Why do you say that?

Driver:  Because they generally leave people in peace. don’t follow orders, and defend themselves when necessary.    

Rich:  I never really thought about it.
Driver:  I’m Asha, by the way.  

Rich:  I’m Rich.  And that’s Nip.
Asha:  A cat named Nip, huh?

Nip stands up, arches back to stretch, yawns mightily, and waltzes over to Rich and Asha.    

Rich (pointing):  His bowl is right there if you want to feed him.    

Asha walks over and pours dry cat food into bowl.    

Rich:  Ah, well, he prefers wet, but that’s ok.    

Nip (satisfied, beaming face):  Crunchy! My favorite! (looks to Asha) Please, teach him your ways.
Rich:  Well, he seems happy.  Anyway, I gotta clean up my leg.    

Asha:  Yeah, so sorry, again.
Rich:  Oh, it wasn’t your fault.  I tripped.

Nip (nibbling):  Your clumsiness is finally starting to pay off.    
Asha:  I gotta run.  Is there anything I can do before I go?

Nip walks over and rubs against Asha.

Rich:  I think he likes you! That’s pretty rare for the first meeting.    

Asha pets Nip.

Rich:  Anyway, I think I’m ok, but we could have a cup of coffee sometime, if ya want.    
Asha:  Sure, why not?

Asha leaves her number and takes off.  Rich flops onto sofa and cleans wound.  Nip jumps onto his lap.

Nip (purring):  I find her much more agreeable than Rizzo, and Brunhilda, for what it's worth.    
Rich (glancing at message on phone):  Rizzo’s coming over. 

Nip grimaces. 

Episode 2 coming soon!

Thanks for your time and attention!

Just say "NO" to slavery!

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