RE: A Day in the Clouds (Chapter 11) - The Hours Between 1500 and 1600
There's some language glitches that started waking my internal editor up, fortunately I only just finished the first coffee for the day and was able to knock it on t he head. I don't know if they are actually things that need to be edited or if it's just showing the normally articulate (to us and his fellow inmates at least) Ledd is starting to feel the effects of the insidious brainwashing, after reading the whole chapter I'm choosing to go with the latter :P
You've made mistakes, I've had some faults, and you ... Well, what I'm trying to say is that even though it's mostly your fault, and some of mine, but mostly yours, I—
LoL yep real smooth Ledd, real smooth XD I cackled like a lunatic at that point. Fortunately the people in the house are used to me and already think I'm insane otherwise they would...think I'm insane.
HAHA! I just knew you would spot that! Good eye! That's actually an intentional meta-joke, see how I started it with "You've made mistakes"? You're right in assuming that it's Ledd feeling the after-effects, though its the fever rather than the brainwashing :) I wanted to showcase Ledd's attempt at trying to be friendly there, but not letting past faults go. He's a pretty resentful little guy haha!
I've found a few things that need to be edited here and there, so feel free to comment any questionable things you spot. It would really be a huge help. This was written during the whirlwind NaNoWriMo last year so I'm sure that there a lot of errors peppered around. I'll let you know if it's intentional or a major blip on my part. I'm honest when it comes to errors that I've made haha!
Thank you for your continued support, my friend! Looking forward to correcting the errors you spot :D
There were only a couple :)
I think you need "lay" as I'm retty sure "lied" is only the past tense of opposite of truth.
Maybe better to use dashes like so:
but then again I'm not actually sure how to use those types of dashes correctly!
And either you fixed the rest while fixing the formatting or I was just having comprehension issues with my lack of coffee XD
Haha! Already corrected :D It's funny, I left a couple on my comment to your work as well. I really enjoyed this tit-for-tat editing haha The benefits of interacting with a fellow writer. I can't believe I missed that! And it was right at the very beginning, too! The dash thing can be used interchangeably with the comma, but its main purpose is for readability. (Source) I changed it all the same. Thanks for those notes! Highly appreciated :D
Hey @ryivhnn, I just posted something today related to A Day In The Clouds, please try and check it out, I'm sure you can definitely appreciate it. https://steemit.com/originalmusic/@verbal-d/m-m-m-29-sliver-s-edge-of-ledd-s-silver-lining-collaborative-art-journey-with-everlove-original-beat
I thought I would share this with everyone who follows the series along with the Silver Lining.