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RE: The Gods of Love and War - Part 1 (Short Fiction)

in #fiction7 years ago

This is well done. The hook is present, but it doesn't define the problem of the protagonist directly. I find this interesting since it doesn't seem to distract from the power of the hook. The protagonist himself doesn't really know whats wrong with him. I think he is going through a fairly common trap thinking that sex is love and vice versa. I like how in the end he is beginning to realize that he needs love, not just sex. Perhaps the concept of sex hindering the development of love may be an upcoming theme. Thanks @naquoya ! Cheers!

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Perhaps its more of a slow grind through our narrator's life via his relationships? But yes the hook is vital, to at least make you want to stick around and see where this is going. I needed to split this in to 3 parts due to its length, although would have preferred to post as one. It flows very well as one read, but at almost 5000 words I think I would have been asking a bit much of my readers.

I am glad to hear that you like it, and that you can see thematic developments at play. What you listed are definitely a part of what I am getting at, although it does go deeper in the next sections.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, its always helpful to the writing process.

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