Perhaps its more of a slow grind through our narrator's life via his relationships? But yes the hook is vital, to at least make you want to stick around and see where this is going. I needed to split this in to 3 parts due to its length, although would have preferred to post as one. It flows very well as one read, but at almost 5000 words I think I would have been asking a bit much of my readers.

I am glad to hear that you like it, and that you can see thematic developments at play. What you listed are definitely a part of what I am getting at, although it does go deeper in the next sections.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, its always helpful to the writing process.