A Lonely Sound :: 50 Word Story

in #fiction7 years ago (edited)

My steemit friend @jayna has temporarily taken over running the Fifty Word Story Prompt Contest.

The prompt this week: bark


And so, this is an entry for @jayna's 50 Word Short Story Prompt.




Deep in the forest, he sat up as his mate whined in her sleep. She was injured, but he would guard her until she woke. He couldn’t leave to hunt. He paced. So hungry. She whined more weakly, then stopped. She did not move again. He barked.

A lonely sound.






Photos by @negativer

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This was such a painful thing to read for me. I have a dog and every time I read something like this, I imagine him to be in that place and it breaks my heart.

Fantastic final line. This is just the kind of moment which makes micro fiction work. Pull those heartstrings!

Thank you! Not much room for anything else; one little nugget of sadness or humor is all you can fit.

That powerful last line hits you in the gut. Well done @negativer

Thanks! It's hard to make something reasonably impactful in 50 words, but the effort is fun.

Poor wolf, losing his love. You fit a lot of story in these fifty words. I like the use of fragments:)

I'm not a huge fan of fragments in a short story except in limited cases, but from an 'animal' perspective, it seems to fit. Also helps that ever-present word count. :)

Indeed it does ... next time ... I am frayygment on these things:)

Dang Neg, we need to formally re-name you the 'crusher-of-feelings-and/or-confidence.'
Also, I wonder what's up with the wolf fever in the Writer's Block. :P

Wolves run in packs. I expect the pack will have passed us by soon enough. :)

It feels like you've been responding to my comments with fortune cookies a lot recently... :P

Oh you heart breaker! This is so poignant and sad.

If I run this again the next prompt is going to be “happy” or “blissful”!

Thanks! You do have the power to (try to) introduce happy elements in your next prompt. Bring it on! :)

I know how you love a challenge! You will probably find a way to turn it into pain! But hey, all great fiction explores the trials and challenges of the human condition, does it not? 😊

Love this little story. Deliberate and profound choice of words that make an impact.

Thanks! One really has to pick their words well when one has so few to work with :)

And that's how you do a fifty word story.

Thank you sir :)

Apart from the unhappy ending, I love it. ;)

😄😇😄

@creatr

Thank you for reading!

Wow - that was very sad. To evoke that much emotion in 50 words. Impressive.

Thanks! It's a fun exercise. Yours went a more humorous route, which is something I'd want to try next time.

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