the wrong place to MASTURBATE

in #fictionlast year (edited)

A good friend of mine asked me to write a funny story to lighten her mood. This is what came to mind. If you find it humorous please let me know. If you don't find it humorous then come back and I will write more stories to entertain and amuse. This particular story is all true and takes place in rural America. Don't judge a book by its cover or story by its title. Read on there is no danger...not much anyway.

Markeeta had worked hard to start her own beauty salon down a lonely rural road 20 minutes outside of a sleepy little Southern town. She had worked years doing hair to save enough to purchase, equip and set her place up just right. Marketa was a sweet lady and people loved to talk with her so they didn't mind going out of their way to see her.

On this particular day, it was early in the morning and a tall, nervous, man she had never met before came in to get a haircut. The majority of clients were women but Markeeta did not discriminate and was glad to give the man a haircut. Marketa introduced herself and the man introduced himself as Dave.

She had him take off his glasses, then Marketa put a cape over him and began to cut his hair. she began with scissors. "Snick Snick" went the scissors as she began. "Snick snick".

She noticed movement under the barber's cape where it covered Dave's lap. At first, she didn't pay much attention but she could tell his hand was moving up and down under the cover. The movement would stop briefly then as she spoke to him the movement would begin again.

She talked about the weather, about politics she even tried talking about baseball but up and down.....up and down went Dave's hidden hand.

Markeeta thought "of all the days for this to happen. I am here alone and this man is pleasuring himself right in front of me". Up down, up down. "Snick snick, snick snick".

By the time Markeeta reached for the clippers, the movement was faster.

Markeeta was a sweet and innocent woman, but she had heard about the ways of some men and had enough of this type of behavior. She was trying to earn an honest living and here was this perv trying to "rub one out" while she worked.

Dave sighed big.

Alone or not with this man, Markeeta was not going to stand there and ignore this type of thing. The neighborhood deviants would start lining up outside her shop if word of this got out.

As the cover went up an down, Markeeta grabbed a heavy wooden hairbrush and hit Dave in the right ear saying,

"You STOP that right now!!

Dave jumped, exclaimed "Ouch!" and swore while looking around bewildered.

The cover was removed and Markeeta was made fully aware that her new customer Davey,

Had been cleaning his classes under the cover of the barber's cape.

Dave was a nervous man with nervous hands. Going into a new place made him extra nervous and the way he burned off that nervous energy was to clean his glasses on his shirt tail.

Markeeta, poor dear, apologized profusely.

Dave left that day with a red ear, a free haircut and a story to tell.

This is a true story. The names have not been changed.
This freewrite was made in response to @gildedjack's freewrite challenge using masturbate as the prompt.

istockphoto-497409550-612x612.jpg

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@dreemssteem
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@brisby
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That is a very funny story......hope she is still in business.

She is still in business and sweet as ever I have heard

Blam wham boop pop zowie wowie zamberoonie

Now what was that all about?

ratflol <claps hands ! suuuperb story !! i do sooo love your way of portrait her:

Markeeta was a sweet and innocent woman

BUT she comes loaded with a huge wooden hairbrush LOL :P
awsome job, your also really good at writing :D & yes i found this utteRRly hilarious ;) :P

Thank you so much for stopping by.i think this is the first?

I really appreciate you doing so.

Thank you for the compliments!!

It was my pleasure :D i think it was my first close incounter with a wooden hairbrush too^^ but then it depends on-what first's wer talking ;)
Il guess a - Hiiiii & nice to meet you :D is in place :D ;) :P

Ohh if you keep doing stuff like this, i suuuuure will vistit often LOL
Your welcome :D

Please do come back by.

I like Swedish people AND Swedish Dragons.

Dragons doo react well to bribes..juust saying :P
Ha ha soo i see <happely waves to miss Sara 🐲🐉💗

Sooo, how many Swedishdragons do you know? I mean us dragons being extinct and all ;)

I only know 2 from Sweden....Princess Sara @saffisara(she is magic though not a dragon) and now I know you a little.

You might say "I have never met anyone from Sweden that I didn't like.

OMG dont call her prinsess, she will never let me hear enuff of that O.o ;)
shes my favorit little cupcake :D and a fab representation of a swed :D i do agree, she got magic ;)
ha ha after meeting 2? LOL

Now I like "cupcake" is a fitting and well deserved moniker for ms @saffisara

Most likely I would no longer be here (at steemit) were it not for the Swedish maiden.

Im a Princess... You hear? Princess 😂😂 Hahahaha.... Naha I missed you my friend and everytime I hit an obsticle in life.... You just give me Another way of looking at it 😍 Thats a gift...
I love being your cupcake and hey... We share magic... You are The photographer Who does magic.... Love you dragon ❤️

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Wow.. You in trouble now my friend... One swede might be handleble... But 2 🙈 you better prepare yourself 😜
Buwahahaha

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Gandalf.....is that you??

You wouldn't need a hairbrush you could fix that Dave with your crystal ball?

Happely waves back at my Lovely dragon Queen 😍 @swedishdragon
IF anyone knows fun... Its her @naltedtirt she makes funny jokes and just are.... AMAZING !! ❤️

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ha ha ofcourse you turned up. when getting DA titel queen @saffisara ;) LOL hiii sunshine🐲🐉💗 naa im not amazing; im Dragon ;)

You are Amazing so you eat that 😘
You also a dragon and your mix of all makes you what you are. Lucky to have you as my friend 🤗

suddenly feeling The rush after WAY to much sugar 😜 lol

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This is one funny story🤣🤣, i feel for Dave... His poor ears. Lol!

You are a really good story teller, you tell your story is such a captivating way... and with a beautiful twist too. I love it!

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Your are a new face I have not seen before.

Thanks so much for the sweet comments. I greatly appreciate each one. :-)

Yeah...I came across your post thanks to Saffi who resteemed it, and i am glad she did just that. You've not seen me probably because i haven't been as active...

My pleasure...

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Well I am very thankful for sweet @saffisara and that you stopped by.

He rubbed it up fast
Or she thought that what happened
But it was glasses

He rubbed it up fast
Or she thought that what happened
But it was glasses

                 - naltedtirt


I'm a bot. I detect haiku.

OMG... 😂😂😂😂 Hahaha
I LAUGHED SO HARD 👏
This was Amazing writing and I felt sorry for Markeeta first thinking he was pleasing himself and he only.... 😂😂😂 Hahaha
Cleaned his glasses... Poor nervous Dave... This you? True story? 😂😂 Hahaha

Thank you for the laugh.... Loved this my friend. You are priceless! ❤️

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No Dave is not me, but I do know sweet Markeeta. Haven't seen her in many years.

Mabye she got a job as a glasees cleaner... Felt so bad that she had to change her way 😜 lol
JK.. Mabye she is married to Dave today.. Having a fun story to tell... Lol

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Maybe she still hits Dave when they are married but he enjoys it in a sexy way.

Dave is totally you lol

Not me. I never met DAVE

Awesome comment. Thank you my Sara for stopping by and taking the time to read. So glad you liked the story.

Thank YOU for sharing another great story and bringing smiles 😊 still cracks me up.. Lol
Have a wonderful evening. Much love 🌹🤗🌹

If it caused you to laugh....
It was worth writing

It sure did and your writing is Always worth writing my friend ❤️

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I have a good idea for tomorrow. Is another fun M word but it ends in T.

Will be a short story


This post was shared in the Curation Collective Discord community for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.
@c-squared runs a community witness. Please consider using one of your witness votes on us here

Wowzers!!! Thanks!!!

Ohhhhh myyyyy goshhhh lololololol

This is SO embarrassing!!! Hahahhahaa

You did a great job making me laugh!! Love that this was an actual story!

Thank you for making me laugh! Heading out on thr plane RIGHT NOW.... Taxiing actually hehehe

Leaving behind two of the sweetest traveling buddies who waited with me and watched out the window as I got on the plane!

I am glad it did :-)

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂
No comment

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Why not? Lol

Funny.. 🤔.. I swear I just saw you commenting here 😂😂😂 hahaha..... I hear ya!

@saffisara @naltedtirt beware of females... 😂

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Ooooo... 😂 Hahaha
Anything is possible... Lol

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Never have "relations" with bugs. That is @dkkarolien's advice

😂 😂 😂 😂

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What are you laughing at ♡♡♡♡ lol

Because when you wake up and this is one of the first things you read.. 😂 And I'm still wiping sleep from eyes... Need tea and then get ready to take the bus into town as the kids are in possession of the car today.. 😂 Have a good one!

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They start with the head.....

@!popcorn poppity pop popdity poppie popdiggity popdog popcity popsicord poot poppers pottpop popstration

hahahahah............. this is amazing <3 i love how you wrote this out, @naltedtirt <3 .... had to say that this was ....(unfortunately?) very relatable to me but thankfully im a girl, so i didn't get whacked on my ear XD but im nervous also and i was fidgeting a lot with my hands under the hairdresser's cover until she had to ask if i had a skin condition that makes me itch a lot and that was super embarrassing LOL

ANYWAY <3 GREAT STORY ! I LOVE IT :D

I assumed but didn't know if you were a girl or not. I mean you gifs look like a girl's...now I know and thank you.

If you were a guy.....the hairdresser would have asked "do you have a skin condition....or are you really happy to your haircut. :-)

This is a true story and is one of those I tell from time to time. I got it secondhand from Markeeta and have laughed many times about it.

Hahahahah yes, if I was a guy, it would have been either a whack to the ear or even MORE embarrassing question XD

I am so glad you got no whacks.

Sorry you were put in an embarrassing situation.

Ah, it was my own fault... I should have learned not to fidget XD

And YAY for no whacks \o/ !!!

It is your right to fidget. You pay the people to do your hair. They should know better than to be rude.

You fidget all you want to if you feel like it.

nooooo !

poor hairdressers ! they'd be like wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf inwardly XD hahahahahah

Is fine to fidget. Do not be ashamed of it.

Hello!

This post has been manually curated, resteemed
and gifted with some virtually delicious cake
from the @helpiecake curation team!

Much love to you from all of us at @helpie!
Keep up the great work!


helpiecake

Manually curated by @veryspider.

@veryspider thank you very much my friend. I am so greatful you not only read but also sent some cake.

I am most thankful that you stopped by and are so sweet.

The helpie and C-squared people are amazing. They stay busy, alway looking for people to give encouragement to. It never fails to make me smile when I receive a little encouragement here. THANK YOU @c-squared and @helpiecake for making Steemit so much more fun!!!

Heffa lumper feffer clumper possum striper streppa liper.

OMG I hope you are not pulling my... leg :) This is a great true story if true! It rubbed me the right way, if I can say that? LOL

Bwahahaha @rubbed the right way.

Nice one.

love it! Such an uplifting story. Glad everybody was okay... haha what a twist. There's some really great lessons here.

Thanks for taking a look. My aim is to please.

OMGOSH!!!!!!!!! REMINDS ME OF THE DAY A FRIEND OF MINE WAS TELLING ME ABOUT HER HAIR CUT AND HOW THE BARBER (YES SHE WENT TO BARBERSHOPS) CUT HER EAR. THIS WAS IN '98. WE WERE ALL TRIPPING ON LSD AND SHE CONTINUED WITH HER STORY, TELLING ME HE HAD NIPPED HER EAR WITH THE SCISSORS. HE THEN SAID, "IM SO SORRY, ITS A GOOD THING YOU HAVE TWO" SHE SAID , "NO I DON'T" AS SHE PUSHED HER HAIR BACK AND I SAW, NO EAR..... OMG I WENT ON THE WORST TRIP EVER!!! SHE HAD CHIN LENGTH HAIR, I NEVER KNEW..... NUTS! SHE LIVED WITH ME, LIKE I NEVER KNEW!!!!

You just made my night with that story!! Lol

Was she messing with you or did she only have 1 ear?

That's hilarious! I was just imagining how it would be to be Markeeta and having to deal with something like that, must be damn stressful! But what if that was what was happening? I think I would have still be embarrassed to see that.

My step sister was on a tour bus one time and the guy beside her did it for real.

Some people are animals

Oh thats gross...

Women are subjected to many things that men are not it seems.

Ha!!!! I feel bad for Markeeta but I'm also laughing so hard! Though it turned out the poor guy was completely innocent, I'll give her kudos for not putting up with anything like that in her chair!

That Markeeta is like a honey badger, she don't give a s**t about the pervs. Lol

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