The Devil Tree - Part 1
It was raining heavily outside. That was surprising, since it was sunny when we had entered the hospital. The sun was setting and handing over the reins of this world to darkness.
I had to wait. I wondered how long it might take.A strange calm spread through my body as I stood near the window watching it rain. These past few months have not been easy. We had made it through and good things seemed to be just around the corner. I was worried. You never know what can happen. Finally we would be starting a new life that we set out to begin when we moved here a year back. I leaned my head against the glass windows. It was cold.
I stared at my reflection.
I pulled my phone out to check the time.It was 5.50 PM. I had always liked watching it rain. There was something peaceful about it. Something that took all your worries away and washed it away. Just as if I was standing in the rain. I could be and I might but not today.
“Rohit?”
I turned around and there was a nurse standing behind smiling at me.
You can choose a thousand different paths yet you can’t escape your fate. We had no clue of what was in store for us, when we made the choices that we did. We all always choose what we believe to be the best for us but most often fate has a different plan for us.
I made the turn from the main road to drive onto a slightly narrow road and in pitch darkness. The car headlights were the only light source here .They either did not have street lights here on this road or there was some power outage. It was difficult to see anything other than what was lit up by the street lights. The last 10 Kilometers were just a tad better. We had driving on the state highway road which lush green trees on either sides about 30 feet tall.
“Do you really think it would be safe for you to come home late night from work if this is how lonely this road would be?” questioned Tia.
“Did you really think we got such a huge house for rent for a great rent because it was right in the middle of the city?” I smiled as answered her with my question.
“You know that you work mad hours and I am not even sure whether there are any other people staying in this side”
“ There are. There are a lot of houses actually. Just that they are all well spaced out from each other. Coming from a big city this should be a big relief for us. I know a lot of people would kill for staying in a place like this”
“How about if I have an emergency? You do know that I would be alone at home right? “
“ That is why we have a second car. You could easily reach the town within 10 minutes. Or better still, unlike how we stayed in Bangalore in the apartment, let us make some friends in the neighbourhood and get to know people. Maybe then you wouldn't even have to head for the town. You could probably call one of them in case you need any help”
“That’s easy for you to say. But I do get spooked easily and this house being in a place like this only adds to the ghost story that is our life here”. She burst out laughing saying this.
“Do not say things you do not want to happen. You never know it might turn out to be. Now check this out”
I switched the car headlights off. It was pitch darkness ahead of us. Nothing was visible. It was pitch darkness that lay ahead of us.
“Don’t do that” She screamed.
I laughed and turned the lights back on.
Photocredit : Pixabay
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I saw a small error in your continuity, but I'll only comment if you assure me that you want me to help with comments that are meant to guide you (improve you).
I'll check another episode or two tomorrow.
Yes of course, please do. I always seek help from others to improve and I will be open to it. Do let me know. From what I have understood, you have read quite a few posts of mine, thank you for taking your time to do that.
No matter how bitter the feedback might be, I do not mind as I feel the bitter comments now would be the ones that leads to sweet comments later.
Thanks for being so positive, I had to be careful as I dared to give unasked for advice to someone with a few points higher in rep and he flagged and muted me, he was that angry that I had dared presume I may advise him (flagging is not nice, plus it takes money away from you, so beware of it).
I can see you are not writing in your mother tongue, so I expect a few grammar mistakes and sometimes an odd way of phrasing yourself. What needs to be corrected is easy to do, but do not let anyone advise you to change the way you phrase yourself, it is what makes you unique and, who knows, English just might mutate because of you and it becomes normal, making the language richer.
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Having got rid of the above, let us look at what I felt was wrong:
I think you did it deliberately, you changed from the previous paragraph to the past, without warning. There are ways of doing it. but there are also methods for leading your reader into the past, without leaving them feeling confused or left to hang in the middle of a scene.
For instance, a heading, or, up till then, what was written previously could have been in italics, so that it becomes an introduction to the story, not the start of the story, which only starts now.
I was guilty of making the same error, so, as I learnt from the criticism of another, I have now, I hope, helped you learn a tiny way of making your stories more readable.
Have a nice day.
Yes, I got your point. I shall keep this in mind. I do really appreciate your help. Thank you:)