Rainacare, or "Don't Bother Me With Trivialities, I'm Fighting a War Here!"

(You have @notjohndaker to thank for this nonsense.)

I normally avoid creating backgrounders and explainer pieces for my universe, but the question has been asked–perhaps with tongue-in-cheek:

“What Is Health Care Like Under Empress Raina?”

The long answer:

The Galactic Empire inherited three miraculous technologies from the defunct Unificare Federation. The first of these is the Spooky engine, which has nothing to do with health care. If you are interested in Spooky engines–which are literally haunted–you can find out all about them by reading my novelette What Price the Stars.

The second miraculous technology is Methuselah. Available to all citizens beginning at age twenty, Methuselah offers perfect health and greatly prolonged life. There is a caveat. At some point, usually after the patient’s three hundredth year and always before their nine hundredth year, Methuselah rejects them. Unavoidable rapid aging, incurable disease and certain death follow almost immediately.

The third miraculous technology is the Flower of Life. This treatment was hardcoded into the human genome at the founding of the Unificare. Women no longer experience menses without application of the Flower of Life, and male sperm is not motile unless stimulated by the secretions of a treated woman. The Flower of Life also acts as an aphrodisiac. Availability was once strictly controlled by the Ord Lex, who administered it sparingly, based on still-secret social algorithms. This draconian policy was the chief cause of the Edge Wars. Since the disbandment of the Ord Lex the Flower of Life is widely available, but the price is high.

There's a little problem.

The Flower of Life does not work on the inviolable body of the divine Empress. Unfortunately, she desperately wants a child of her own. It’s hard to imagine that Jørgen Pangloss left her barren, but that appears to be the case, unless a certain rumor among the Ersatzengel is true...

(Before you ask, that story isn’t written yet.)

But the time has come for the short answer. If you’re reading Boy’s Adventure Tale, you may have already guessed it: The best health care plan in the Empire is to stay as far away as you can from the insatiable, erratic Empress.

This is harder than it sounds. It might even prove to be impossible.

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