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RE: SHORT FICTION - When the Levee Breaks

in #fiction6 years ago (edited)

I reeally liked this! It's so well written. Kinda puts you in the skin of the survivors. The confusion, the despair (or maybe, the hope?) it all flows very well!

Only one thing though, and I'm no expert so don't take me seriously, but maybe emphasize the raining on them?

I really like this one: "They stung the body, driving nails through their skin like a crucifixion for all their unknown sins." It's gorgeous, but before that it says that it is raining but I kinda pictured them under some kind of roof. I couldn't tell they were eehm rained upon (?) idk. It's awesome anyway.

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Thank you for sharing your feedback. Don't worry, you don't need to be an expert to have an opinion on a piece of work. As a reader you feel what you feel, and I love to hear what you get from it.

maybe emphasize the raining on them?

and

I kinda pictured them under some kind of roof.

I shall look back over the story with this in mind. I had mentioned their possession being washed away, but perhaps that failed to fully show the rains on them, and them out in the open. Good point, thank you.

:)

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