Feeling Crazy. A Powerhousecreatives Contest.

“It’s like freaking Wizard of OZ!!” I said, “Either that was some good pork or Zord is really a wizard”….

Ya, that just happened. Let me tell you something. If you meet people online and claim to know them, you have no idea how dead wrong you are.
I became part of the Powerhousecreatives discord channel in January and if I knew then what was to happen, perhaps today I would have been more prepared. Confused at how a discord channel brought me all the way to this drug trip, crazy colored, pork eating Halfling village? Let me tell you the story of when it all began. It’s not a pretty picture.

January 7th 2019.
New Years party with Joelai Iamjadeline Mattifer Zord Jaynie and all them good people.
Cake time.

“Zord! The grand moment has arrived! Your very own jiggly jello boob cake! Ta-da!”

Always the life of the party. Need to make people laugh and lighten up? Make a boob cake.
Everyone took out their phones and started snapping away, taking pictures as the boobies jiggled, as Zord stuck his face in it and tried motor boating the cake, making the icing and jello fly all over.

“Um does anyone want a piece?” Asked Jaynie. We all kind of turned our heads in refusal.
“Nah” I said, “It’s officially all his now”.

The night fell upon us, just as fast and the thunder stormed through the clouds. We all ran inside avoiding getting wet.
Jaynie served us more wine and Mattifer brought a tray of shooters. Oh, what a party it was. We all had much to drink and so it is hard to be clear on what happened in what order.

I recall Zord telling us some crazy story. One part I remember him saying, something along the lines of smooth rocks… No wait, pebbles… Um… they held some sort of magic – Magic! Magic stones he called them. I just thought he was having a little too much to drink. I mean, the guy was even slurring but he kept on going. He told us of a castle. A village in the castle or a castle in the village? I don’t remember. Doesn’t matter, at this point I was laughing and almost falling asleep. (Jaynie, next time buy a different wine please.)
And then I smelled the sweet, sweet smell of pulled pork sandwiches! Oh it was so good! Quillfire just came out of nowhere bringing us food. Great timing with the food but horrible timing, he missed the whole party. Meh, better late than never.

I had like 3 of them! They were so good. But it was so bad. It made me even sleepier as I drank more. Then I heard Zord saying something about treasure. I opened my eyes and seen Zord smack over a dozen stones on the table. It was like skittles or like a unicorn just took a shit on the table. That’s when I knew he was gone with the alcohol. He then closed his eyes and passed out on the Lazy Boy chair. I snagged the stones myself, turned over and finally fell asleep on the couch.

That night I dreamed that I lay each stone in front of me as I walked. The first one was a blue stone and once it touched the ground it laid open a path. I followed that path and then laid a pink stone on the ground. I continued that until there were no stones left. At the end of the path there was a door, I opened it naturally and BOOM! It’s the freaking Wizard of OZ scene. Well not quite. With added craziness and shit you wouldn’t even dream of.

Well, when I woke up, that’s when shit got real, or maybe unreal. I don’t know. Let’s just say that snowflakes now screamed as they fell through the sky and the grass held their mouths open in waiting.
Ya, even the freaking sun was purple and the trees were watering the shade. Any of that make sense to you?

And that is where I am now.
“….or Zord is really a wizard”….

“I’d say wizard.”

“Holy mother of ghost ships! Would you give me a hint that you’re behind me next time?”
With a big grin, Joelai said “I just did”. She started to walk forward laughing away at me jumping out of my shoes.
“Did you grab some of those stones too?” I asked.
“No, I just followed you.”
A damn ninja that one.

We walked downhill, stared at the flying goats and jumping mini elephants about the size of my fist. And of course none of us had any camera or cell on us to prove it.
The path was winding, cutting through other hills until we spotted a village.

“Finally! Civilization! Although, I am not sure what to expect there.”

“I’d say, expect a bit of nothing, a bit of everything”,
“Quill! What in the world are you doing here? You seem to have a knack for popping up in the middle of nowhere.” I said.
“Never mind that. The important thing is to find how to get out of here. Meet you on the other side.”

“Where are you – Never mind.”

“The man likes to take off a lot, do his own thing I guess.” Said Joelai.

“Let’s check the place out. Find out what this all is.”

“We’re off to see the Wizard, the wonderfull wizard of all”, sang Joelai.

I glared at her. Our eyes met and then both cracked up laughing like hyenas in The Lion King. Must be the air.

Reaching the tiny town, the houses stand half as tall. Well they are more like huts and stone things. Kind of like the Hobbits thing they have going on.

“We’ll probably start seeing talking unicorns with pig noses.” I stated.
“Ha! If that’s the case, I’m getting tattooed.” Joelai always has a way of making me think.
The town is in the formation of a circle. In the middle of the town… I’m sorry, village, are long benches and tables and a fire pit. There is still smoke coming from the fire and I can still smell food. Oh… foooood. I looked at Joelai.

“Everything but pork, please!”
And then a little munchkin showed up. I mean, wait, I don’t know. Do Hobbits exist?
“WOAH! What are ye??”

You’d think that for such small people, they would have tiny voices too. When this man talked, he almost scared me for how deep his voice was. Definitely not a munchkin. His voice had the accent of the Scottish, which is most confusing as we are not in Scotland, are we?

“Um, we are people.” Said Joelai.

“Are ye sure? That one looks a we bit divvy. And yer awfully tall ye ken.”

I suppose my confusion of this place has become quite apparent. “We just want to know where we are and how to get out of here, go back home.”

“Ahem. If you are from a different place, I would advise you to take your business to the castle. Once in, take a left, walk up 3 steps, press the wall. Say a few words. Don’t trip on your next step, then left again. Straight down the hall. Pick a door. If you choose the wrong color, it means it’s not really purple. Keep in mind, you will need to wear yellow to get to the green one. If you see monkeys on the thrown, you’ve opened the wrong door.”
“What in the actual fu-“, The man lost all Scottish accent. He even straightened up a few inches. This is where I think I need a little more adult juice. Why isn’t Jaynie here?

“Wheesht! Go find heid bummer.” Back to the Scottish accent.

And that was it. He walked back and we weren’t offered any goodies. Not even water.

“Let’s just go to the castle, Foxy, and hope we don’t find any monkeys. Are you wearing any yellow by any chance?”

Finally reaching the curtain wall, the oddest thing is being displayed.

One, um, Halfling, ya, let’s just call them Halflings, is holding a sign saying ‘Throne’ with an arrow showing the direction. Another holds the sign written ‘Dungeon’ with an arrow and another with ‘Treasure’.
That’s not the weird part.

“What are they doing?” Asked Joelai. Finally she asks a question!

These Halflings were moving around and changing the directions of the arrows every other minute.

“Great! Now it’s like The Labyrinth. Ah well, I was getting tired of Oz anyways.”

“Go straight?” Joelai nods her head in approval and straight off we go.

Through the gates, you would think there would be more people. Nope! Just a bunch of monkeys, creepy monkeys.
They all stopped to look at us as we walked on through. Their gazes almost glowing, staring into our souls.
A loud blasting sound of a horn deafening our ears and all the monkeys got back to work. There are forgers, crafters, bakers, shoe makers, everything.

“Back to Oz it would seem.” I secretly wished that the Wizard is not the Wicked Witch and more like Jareth, the Goblin King.
“Either you find these monkeys amusing or you need some alone time.” I guess I was smiling at the thought of David Bowie sitting on a Gothic throne.

We enter the castle and notice that the only way to go is right.

“Didn’t the guy say to go left? Joelai, can I just say that I am the new queen of this place and order the monkeys to build us a paladin? They will travel us back home and return back to their crazy world and if they are to return to us, they will be burned.”

“The burning part is a little harsh don’t you think? And no, I don’t want to fight monkeys. What if this wizard is like a mad sized gorilla?”

“Good point.”

We take the stairs, thinking this guy didn’t know from his left to right. We noticed the stone wall was built differently. We decide touch it, thinking that maybe it disarmed a booby trap. At the touch we hear the sound of moving stone just up ahead around the corner.
We walk up the stairs again and Joelai trips on the next step. Ok, ok not really. It was me who tripped… I just wanted to be the one laughing at all this.

The sound we just heard was from the opening of a pathway. Thinking, dude didn’t know from left to right, but the path is on the left just as he said.

“I’m tired of this bull crap.” I really started to wine. I’m too hungry for this.

We enter the hallway of doors, but they are all the same color!

“Hahahahaha! You forgot to say words to the wall! Hahahahaha! Good luck! Hahahahahaha!”

A monkey’s laugh with a high pitched woman’s tone, nothing to be seen, no one in sight.

“Can the monkeys talk too?”

….To be continued….

All images from pixabay.com