Lonely

This world can be fill with numerous empty things,
flattery glittering golds,
"I was going to be with you " those words were great,
and never see the light of the day.
•••
I just wanted to shut the door,
I wanted to wake up to go to bed,
I wanted to bury my head in this billows,
Let the darkness of my thought sweep away pains of the daybreak.
•••
It's hard to live when you are dead,
better things were not just meant for me,
the day I lost it all was the day all of it were lost,
I hope, I hope one day I wouldn't want to shut the world.
•••
Just before I left, eat and swallow my words, painful epistle of suicide,
I didn't want to quit this breath,
I wouldn't want to stay woke in bondage,
when freedom blossom in where I couldn't see,
I don't clear if imageries are blankness of blackness,
I choose to shut my eyes to painful light of reality,
My thought and the darkness were no enough escape,
in my thought, I hoped I would quit the bereavement of a floating soul,
It had always left flying on a lifeless stand,
I hope the dark nights were enough rescues,
But they were lights flaming my pains,
I hope I had not lost all this hopes,
till a deep voice told me to quit this world.
•••
Till a dark deep voice told me to drop you a dark letter,
Dear Dad,
.......My life isn't broken,
It's is shattered with no hope in itself,
everyone that I meet has their own way of hurting me,
compilation of sorrowful coincidence,
I've forgiven a lot,
So, I'm forced to take revenge on a life that shouldn't have exist,
It's painful to have slowly grown into someone else,
to have grown into a personality I do not have a clue.
•••
It's isn't strange that I was the least-loved at home,
I had the same experience in school too,
everyone got to know my flaws,
I had no friend,
the Iittle i had were gone because I couldn't keep them.
•••
Why on earth do I still need to live,
remember you said the ailment is going to demand my life,
the day you held my head with your ten fingers and spoke into my skul"you are going to be fine dear",
I knew I was never going to be,
You said I was going to live with it for millions of minutes,
Why not years?
You didn't want to lie to me, yet you wanted to blindfold me to the truth...
•••
Help me tell mum,
When she said I was good for nothing,
I knew she wasn't joking,
I knew she meant it with all her life,
Like she knew my teacher said the same thing.
•••
We all owe death debt,
I'm just being quick to pay first,
If death could take away the beautiful chant of Micheal,
If death could bury brother's tear under the black earth at the yard,
What else is left to love in life!
There is a place of comfort left for me in death,
Wish I could close my eyes to reality and open them in death...
I hope I hear from you soon"