Superhero Strength

in #fiction6 years ago (edited)

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At school, I was a mysterious person to all my friends. They say smart, I have sixth Sense. I can see the spirits. I'm often mistaken for them. "Egi, why are you always acting strange?" My friend Slamet said. I just shut up to hear the question.

The break bell rang. All my friends rushed to the cafeteria, the field or elsewhere. I'm taking friends out of class. "Hey Egi, come on out. We play soccer! "Invite my friends. "No, I'm happy here!" I said. All the faces of my friends feel disappointed after hearing my words.
"Come on, let's play hide pluck!" Said my friend, Revelation. "Let's play!". I say. Revelation is a spirit.

"Why he plays the swordsman himself!" A friend of mine asked himself, he was strange to see my act. I heard the words. "He is like a madman. Every day he talks and speaks for himself. "Next to him.

The bell goes home. Me and Slamet come home together. We always go home together because our house is one aisle. "Egi, why are you always acting weird?" Slamet asked. "If I tell you you will not believe me!" I said, looking up at the sky. "That's what you think," said Slamet. "Okay I'll tell the truth. I have sixth Sense and can see spirits! "I said as he looked at him. "It's amazing Egi, you get the grace from God!" Slamet said while holding my shoulder. "But I do not want that!". He paused after hearing my explanation.

On the way, I start my sixth Sense. I saw a speeding car wanting to crash into Slamet's parents. "Hey, why are you running?" Slamet said. Then I ran as fast as I could and ignored Slamet's call. "Watch out, sir!" I say, holding his hand. "Huuuft, I almost hit the car. Thank you Egi, you have saved the father! "Said Mr. Slamet. Then slamet ran over to us and hugged his father. I just smiled.

Arriving home, I kissed my grandfather and grandmother's hand. I am an orphan. I stayed at my grandfather's house, "How in school Egi?" My grandfather asked. I replied, "Regularly Kek. I think people are crazy. I saved Mr. Kusno! ". my grandfather just smiled. "Do you want to deactivate your power?" My grandfather asked. Grandfather who gave this power to me, "I must think about it first, Kek!" I said. I went into the room to take a break while thinking about my grandfather's question.

I got up and showered to go to school. Before that, I had breakfast so I would not get sleepy. After breakfast, I say goodbye to my grandparents. In the middle of the journey I turn on my Sixth Senses. I saw a group of people who wanted to kill me. Maybe they envy me. I also avoided that path. I'm looking for a way to school.

Shit, I'm late to school because I have to go a long way. I went to class in a hurry. "Uh, look at some late lunatic!" Came the comment of one of my friends. I ignored him. "Why are you late, Egi?" Slamet asked. "I saw somebody wanting to kill me!" I say, haltingly. "Then you have to be careful, luckily you have Sixth Sense otherwise you're dead!" Joked slamet.

Go back to school, I used to go home and see my grandfather. "Kek, I want my power removed!" I said, looking at grandpa. "Are you sure, Egi?" My grandfather asked, patting my shoulder. "Yeah, I want to be a normal person like my friends!" I say, holding his hand. "All right," my grandfather said. Then his hand holds my head and I close my eyes. I shouted in pain in the ritual of removing my power. "It's done," my grandfather said. I do not remember anything else. I've found my body in bed in my room.

As usual I went to school. in the middle of the street, I feel my feelings are not good. "Woe, I'm in a cage!" I was really worried and scared.

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Hmmm... I enjoyed reading this story.

The English here don't seem standard to me, and some parts could be better formatted. Like when the scene changes, you have to put the next part in a new line.

"Uh, look at some late lunatic!" Came the comment of one of my friends. I ignored him. "Why are you late, Egi?" Slamet asked. "I saw somebody wanting to kill me!"

That part should be like this, to give the reader a space to change 'who is talking' in their mind:

"Uh, look at some late lunatic!" Came the comment of one of my friends. I ignored him.

"Why are you late, Egi?" Slamet asked.
"I saw somebody wanting to kill me!"

The ending of the story is abrupt, it seems there are next part right? If so I wish if you'd say that in the post... Because ending a story in a cliffhanger can backfire sometimes.

Hope I see more of your stories in the future.

I didn't upvote you because I have to save my upvotes, but... EDIT: Upvoted now. and I mentioned you in my Daily Picks if you wanna check them.

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