Waking Up

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I am walking. I always walk, everyday. But today is different. I knew before I took the first step out the front door. I felt it in my bones before I moved my legs. I don’t usually walk here. I used to, but not anymore. The last time I did was in the rain. I hadn’t noticed how heavily it was falling neither did I feel the coldness of my drenched clothes. I wasn’t sure I was moving, but I must have been because the road kept getting narrower, the trees thinner, the ground muddier and my dripping hair wouldn’t stop trying to get in my eyes. There were voices in my head. So many of them, yelling, taunting, maybe mocking. I wasn’t sure. I had awoken in the hospital with a vague memory. Only the angry gnash on my wrist told my story. Even when everything started rushing back, I clouded and shoved it back. I preferred numb so I masked everything and lived in denial. I spent my days losing friends and things which were important to me. Not once, in all this, did it occur to me that I was lost. No one told me that I was holding on to something which wasn’t there – lies, pain, betrayal. Not once did I feel something was missing, not until I finally woke up.

Today, like I said, is different. The path is the same. It will always be. There is no rain today. The sun is high. My hair is tied back, and there is colour on my cheeks. I’m smiling. My hands are deep in my pocket as I walk. There is laughter, a throaty one bubbling up in my stomach. I am happy. I choose this same path again because this is where it all began. It was on this narrow road that I first saw him. Here, on this road he smiled shyly at me. Here, he taught me how to ride a bike. It was right here, I learned to love. And when he left, when he looked me in the eye and said he found someone else, when he said I wasn’t enough for him anymore, I wanted to end it here. I held my breath and kept grasping for what wasn’t. I fought till my spirit broke. I stayed till I couldn't breathe. But now, it’s over. Now, I’m finally alive. Now, I finally let go.

Take my hand
Let’s dance to a melody.
Hold me tight
And sway to the rhythm.
A song of freedom,
A tune of jubilation.

Take a breath
And feel my happiness.
Look in my eyes
And get lost in their depth.
A promise to never forget,
A pledge to always get better.

Pull me close
And taste my enchantment.
Let the music
Be your guide.
As you get lost in my world,
Because I finally let go.

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This piece was my entry for whaleshares discord spoken word. The theme was letting go. I did a combination of prose and poetry.

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Image is from Unsplash.