Just a Child: A Fifty Word Story
Mitch dismantled the weapon to clean it. "Is your sister gonna rat us out?"
"Nah, I scared her good." Grinning, Jake bagged the drugs. "Besides, she's only ten. Who'd believe that little brat?"
The door banged open, and the sheriff's familiar form filled the frame. "I would. You're under arrest."
This is my story from @Jayna's fifty word prompt this week. She's made the prompts into a small contest and my story for BELLS actually won last week. This week the prompt is CHILD.
Usually titles are one of the last things I come up with for a story and I often struggle to make them fit. But this is one of the rare times when I start with the title. I'm sure many of us had times as children where we were dismissed by others because of our age. As if that made us less intelligent, less insightful, or incapable of having an opinion.
So I wanted a story where someone's dismissal of a child got turned around on them and this is what came out of it.
My thanks, as always, to my INKubator family for their help polishing the story.
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://bex-dk.com/2018/12/14/just-a-child-a-fifty-word-story/
The title fits well, and so does the image.
The Grinning after saying he scared his sister really makes Jake sound like a douche.
Good. Then my plan succeeded. Those two get what they have coming!
Ah, what a neat little story. The word 'familiar' has the most depth here; it tells us that these guys have had run-ins with the sheriff before, so perhaps that's why he believed the girl?
Or it's a small town and he's well known....
OR...the sheriff is Jake's dad, and of course the sheriff would believe his daughter, since he knows his son all too well.
I love it. “Yay for our side,” as I like to say!
Very well done, @bex-dk. The tension in this story really gripped me. Starting right out with a gun set the scene and made it clear that something was going to happen. I just didn’t know what. I feared harm to the child of the story’s title. When the sheriff appeared to arrest those two hooligans, it was the perfect resolution. I’m pretty sure I breathed an audible sigh of relief!
Thanks. I wasn't in the mood for a pure abuse situation... I wanted something more easily dealt with.
I appreciate that! There are only a few types of stories I just can’t stomach — those involving abuse of children or animals!
As long as they don't encourage abuse, I think sometimes they need to be said to help keep people aware that dark things can be going on under their noses. If it helps just one person realize something is wrong or just one survivor feel like they aren't alone and don't have to be ashamed, they are worth it. Also for an author they can be part of a coping strategy--a way of getting inner demons under control.
Great job!
Thanks!