Human Processor Black Bean Burgers: Food Fight Friday

in #fff5 years ago (edited)

It’s not Friday already, is it? My Gosh, this week thing sure is going by quickly lately.… Hi Friends and Hi Foes, it’s always a good day in paradise 😉.

So lately it’s been a little more difficult for me to put out my usual recipe posts. I’m not sure why? Maybe it’s that we are in a foreign country? Maybe it’s that I don’t have access to alllllll of the Ingredients I’m used to… or maybe it’s because I’m constantly readjusting to cooking in a strangers kitchen, with a strangers utensils, and having to compensate for what pots and pans are available to me, or lack thereof. For whatever reason getting recipes jotted down on the block chain has become harder and harder.

Inspite of all those aforementioned excuses I just listed, I’ve still managed to kick out a couple. So a big thanks to all of my peeps that have hung around during my brief hiatus to say “what’s up girl”. I appreciate your unwavering support 😉. To everyone else, this clip is for you 👊.

Happy Food Fight Friday my Foody Finger Lickin Slingers! If you don’t already love this competition than you’re clearly not in the right one. This is #foodfightfriday where the posts are funny, the food is good, and the people are like family but on the blockchain. The people are like a family on the blockchain but they’re not, they’re strangers. So, the people on the blockchain are familial strangers, almost like a family, but not a family. Capeesh ?

Look, all that blabbering and I haven’t even shown you an image yet 🤦🏼‍♀️… I’ll get to it.

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This was our last big time haul from several stores in the city of San Jose, Costa Rica. I decided I will forge ahead without a food processor no more. We priced food processors at several stores, while I simultaneously took mental notes of juicers, and we tripled down on a coffee pot too.

Sure, this might look excessive and one might think “damn, kind of ridiculous accumulating so many kitchen items when you two are bouncing around from place to place”. What I’d say to that is “shut up, no one cares what you have to say Negative Nancy. This is a frikken positive environment, with bright light vibes and unicorn poop falling from the sky like confetti. Got it?” Also, don’t judge the Fritos. The chip isle, here, is unrecognizable from what we see in the United States, and upon scouting these normally overly processed, corn disguised frito chips, our little familiar bells went off saying “you better buy those. You know you’ve been to every store and seen nothing like corn chips until now. You better buy those”. (If I we’re you, I’d read that last quote in your best Pacino accent). Just sayin…

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I go to get my new tool set up and get started on some black bean hummus and I find a mid size box that holds several parts to my new processor. Then reality sets in… I’m going to have to read that damn owners manual, aren’t I ?

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I unwrap all of the different blades, unwrap the shredding discs, look for the users manual and sit down hyper focused on my skimming to figure out this machine in the least amount of time possible.

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When I think I have a grip on the operation of this thing, I return to the box to retrieve the other parts. What I found was nothing. Diddly squat, nada, zilch, zippity do da, nothing. There was nothing else in the frikken box. No motor, no bowl to connect the blades to, nothing. Dandays and I looked at each other and exchanged a uniform “sh*t” knowing we’d have to go back and fumble through our broken Spanish to first, explain this, then remedy it. Not an exciting future in our book. Did I mention the city is about 40 minutes from where we are, one way? So I did the next best thing, I called the store.

Now, places in Costa Rica on the weekends do not operate like places in the United States on the weekends. They may very well be open, and we know they are because we just came from there but nobody/business seems to answer their phones on the weekend. I wasn’t about to try my hand at leaving a message, so we gave up for the day.

Inspite of this obstacle, I decided to employ my good ole fork (as a processor) and make black bean burgers anyway.

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Yes, it’s a lettuce wrapped burger and “no” I’m not a pansy, I have real life dietary restrictions okay!

These bad boys turned out so gooooood.

First, I soaked dry black beans over night. If you forget to soak them before bed you can do like me and soak them for 8 hrs, drain them, transfer them to a freezer bag and place them safely in the refrigerator all good and ready to be cooked the next day. Or, just soak them before bed 🤷🏼‍♀️.

After boiling the beans for about 45-55 minutes, drain (keep that aquafaba gold too) and spread over a lined baking sheet to toast for 10 minutes. This dries out the bean so as not to have too much moisture in your patty.

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While those are roasting get started on sautéing your onion, peppers and garlic.

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When everything is done blot as much extra liquid from your sautéed veggies as you can.

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Add all of your spices to a separate bowl. I think I used garlic salt, pink salt, paprika, cumin, chili powder, pepper, and almond flour. Add 1-2 eggs, or flax eggs, or even a sweet potato purée. Be advised when using the purée the texture of your burger may change slightly.

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Add your beans to the seasoning and get to forking. That means to smoosh the beans in with the spices as much as possible like a human food processor.

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Line a baking sheet, set your oven to 375F and make some decent size burger patty’s to bake.

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Bake for 10-12 minutes on each side and pull those babies out in preparation to be built.

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If you’re super restricted, like me, then take a big ole piece of lettuce…

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… add some onion, tomato, and avocado/guacamole…

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… and you’re in business with or without a stupid food processor. It might not be hummus but it was just right to hit that ever so elusive “spot”.

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For @dandays I toasted a couple pieces of bread, omitted the avocado but added vegan cheese and said “Bon appetit”.

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Thanks for playing again triple F fam! You all rock, and Steemit is only a cool place because you are here to keep it that way. Looking forward to what everyone’s cooking up… enjoy your weekend…

P.s. to those that flag me, I hope your mom steps in a dog turd.

Pura Vida ✌️

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Where you say this clip is for you, I really hope they watch the whole thing cuz that is sofa king funny!

I love the way you put it out there, chef. Thank you for pointing out the multiple kitchens and obstacles you’re dancing around, not to mention power cutting in and out, to put out top quality food. Tell us how you really feel—black bean burgers with a fork and for what? Flags?! This guy gets me all the time.

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I don’t understand their marketing technique. 🤔

Great post again beautifullest, I laughed just about the whole way through it. I think you could’ve added a #comedy tag to this one.

iheartu all the time @puravidaville.

edit Congratulations, chef! Going, going... gone!

Yeah, I don’t get the whole flag thing. What a nuisance.… whatever, at least I put up content that could be flagged. Going to that persons blog, they have nothing that they contribute to the community other than a flag. Lame!! Thanks for laughing at my stuff. I know you’re the funny one but from time to time you let me be the funny one too. Muah

Oh love your recipes and looks delicious as well :)

Thank you so much @rifkan. I always appreciate a compliment like that. Tossing you a virtual patty stat :)

I've seen that flagging thing. it is apparently someone that got flagged themselves and now does this for fun. It was going on for a while a few months ago and then stopped. You are the second person I have seen with this is in the last days so I guess it's back. Just keep track of the name(s). some whale here stomps it out when they see it.

You have such dedication to your food, you put me to great shame. I would love those burgers.

I'm surprised you can eat tomatoes though with food sensitivities. They are really inflammatory for me.

Fritos! Those were a food group in my fat days. I would eat them if i saw them :)

Yeah, at first I thought because my husband is so open with his opinions that they flagged me as a “guilty by association”. However, it seems to be a person with nothing else to offer the community other than a downvote. Lame!

Thank you for noticing the hard work I out into my kitchen. I’m constantly whipping things up because I love to cook/bake so much. It’s almost meditative. Would you believe I only started cooking about 5 years ago? Before that I didn’t know how to bake chicken. Because of my dietary restrictions I’m constantly trying to make recipes I can enjoy. It’s a tough task, let me tell you. Tomatoes are probably not the best for me but so far I haven’t had any reaction to them. So that’s great! I eat far too many nuts than I should and that’s a problem but I’m reconciling that as we speak. Hopefully, within a few more months I’ll be able to normally again. By normally I mean, fruits, veggies, potatoes, etc. I don’t thing eating table sugar will ever be a good idea for anymore. Fingers crossed 🤞.

Thanks for stopping by @fitinfunfood. I bet you didn’t think I would write you a book in a response when you dropped a line, did ya? Haha

Haha! I'm always glad to see you no matter how many words. Good luck with your food additions.My diet is a mess right now and I need to get back on track. CARBS! Way too many these days.

I would have never guessed you were a new cook. This is even more awesome now.

🥰… if I didn’t suffer immediate consequences I’d eat the appetizing things, here, too. It’s been quite a challenge to not even partake in fruits, especially being that they are so abundant and juicy looking here. You’ll get back to where you want to be in no time. In the meantime you are living and enjoying life, I think that counts for something.

lol, oh my gosh you had me laughing so much ,, you could definitely have a comedy gig. Too funny with the daily ups and downs. But Aw, I can't believe your food processor was incomplete...what?? Crazy store so now you're going to have to go all the way back, ugh! Love your black bean burger, you are amazing! I hope feeling a bit better? Doesn't matter, those wraps are the best. You are definitely a kitchen wizard, you make it look like nothing to whip up such magic:) I've got to try these burgers :)

We did go all the back the following Monday and were greeted at the door by the same guy who helped us get our processor. He exchanged the box for us, no problem. Then a couple days later the unit wouldn’t turn on. We had to drive all the way back again to exchange it for another brand. The same sales guy decided to try and figure out the problem and well, I think this story is better left to an entire post… I’ll finish it this week @birdinparadise. Thank you for always hanging out with me. You know you have a burger patty at our case anytime 😉

I've seen that movie before, but I had to watch the whole clip again because it is an epic scene! Haha! And seriously, black bean burgers with no food processor?? I can hardly get them right with all of the fancy equipment. I bow down to those made veggie burger skillz. Super pumped for you that Curie thought so, too! Keep on slinging on the good stuff when you get the chance! I've been a little sparse on the full on food posts myself, but once I'm sure I'll get in the groove again soon.

Currently I've got a cauliflower curry simmering on the stove. You'll get a kick out of knowing the sauce looks like actual baby poop. Seriously. It's a spinach curry sauce from Vegan Richa, but I made the sauce ahead of time since we were away this weekend and wanted to make sure dinner was easy to whip up tonight when we got home. It totally oxidized. Definitely not photo op worthy unless I want to make people barf. 🤣 Good think @dksart isn't picky...

Haha… my Curry’s often take on the color of poop. That doesn’t deter me though, most of the time they are delicious. I’m finding with all of my extra “Costa Rica” time, I have much less time to sit down and put together a post. I do document my cooking but when Monday rolls around (for fruits and veggies Monday) or even Friday (for Food Fight Friday), the days seem to escape me before being able to put something out. M thinking of steering clear from food all together and writing more about our funny experiences here. They are plentiful when you’re an outsider trying to assimilate, trust me.

This was only my 2nd time attempting a veggie burger. The first time was when we were newly plantbased and they came out with a mushy texture that neither of us cared for. This time I tried to circumvent that by baking the beans a bit to get rid of any extra moisture. I also omitted the zucchini that made the first attempt too mushy. Honestly, if I continued the whole using a fork as my processor thing, I’d probably have some rocking forearms. Haha… no, really though, it wasn’t that bad. In fact, I think they turned out better by forgoing the processor 🤷🏼‍♀️

This movie clip is my go to when I want to drive my point home. Hahaha… it’s just hilarious. The movie wasn’t that funny but this clip was pure gold. Thank you for always saying something lovely to me. I can continuously count on you for friendly support and that’s awesome!

Though I do always love your food posts, I am sure I would no doubt enjoy your Costa Rican adventures, as well! One of my girlfriends has started hosting wellness retreats, and she's doing one there in June. I would love to go, but it's not quite in the budget at the moment.

I love black beans, but I think I've had better luck making burgers out of different types of beans. It really is an art to find the perfect balance of moisture so they don't dry out, but not so much that you feel like you're eating dog food. 🐶 I can definitely imagine some Popeye arms from the fork method, haha. 💪

I did take a picture, so you can see my 💩 curry sauce. It's definitely one of the most unappetizing-looking sauces I've ever made, but at least mixed up with the veggies and some black rice it's not toooo terrible. 🤣

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At least I bounced back with a killer breakfast bake using your favorite root veggie. I'll try to get it up today. I may actually start working on it now while I wait for a huge rain storm to pass before I head to get my driver's license renewed....

Haha… you aren’t kidding, that sauce looks horrible. I’m sure it tasted delicious though. What bean do you have the most luck with while making burger patties? I’ve thought about using lentil but decided against it believing it would be hard to counter all of its moisture.

Where is your friend doing a wellness retreat? Tell me about it if you don’t mind… I love things like that and they do have quite a few here but it would be cool to check one out ran by a fellow steemians friend.

Blahhhhh… the dmv sucks!!! Good luck with that. Wishing you a speedy line 😉

It really looked terrible, didn't it? At least I got a good laugh out of it. 🤣

Luckily my license renewal trip was fairly speedy--20 minutes in and out! Though I was lucky to make it out of the parking lot alive--I almost got run down by a BMW speeding through as I walked to my car. 😲

This is where she is doing the resort: http://dev-haciendapinilla.pantheonsite.io/
It looks stunning! She focuses more on the paleo end of things with food, but takes major control to make sure all of her retreats meet her standards for good food. She teaches some yoga and fitness classes, then I think on this one she'll have an excursion or two planned, as well. I don't think she has this one up on her website yet, but I can put you in touch if it is something you would like to know more about! She loves gangsta rap, too. 😉

20 minutes? At the dmv? Damn! That would never happen in California. Good for you sista! What a douche driving that bmw. I’m glad you got out of there unscathed. When we first met weren’t you telling about a friend of yours that got ran down walking or riding her bike? People drive like morons.

I’ll look into her retreat. I’m just interested in general. We recently made a trip to Arenal Volcano and you’d be surprised at how many vegan/veg restaurants I saw. The discovery made me stop and realize that there are many wellness retreat type things happening all around us here. Just interested is all. I really need to get back into yoga. It’s so good for balancing everything out. If you ever want to come to Costa Rica for a retreat, you have a place to stay with me sista! 😉 P.s. who doesn’t love gangsta rap 🤷🏼‍♀️

That's one of the good things about having weird work hours--you can go do unpleasant things like a DMV trip at a time of day when most other people can't, haha. Oh my gosh people just seem to be getting worse and worse with not paying attention! I was running with a group last week and a guy I ended up cruising along with for the second half was telling me about a member who got hit last year while running. He was on the sidewalk, too!! It was actually my friend who is hosting the retreat who got hit at a crosswalk in downtown Atlanta!

It seems like Costa Rica is definitely one of the hot spots for wellness retreats. Awesome that there are plenty of veggie spots, too! I'll be curious to see how her retreat goes this time since it is the first one she's done out of the country. She just started doing them last year, and is already killing it. I think if this one goes well she'll go ahead and book it again for next year. Maybe I'll be able to jump in and join then!

Omg, that would be so awesome if you joined her. I’d make a trip to meet you girls for sure. Wellness retreats do seem like a big thing here. I’m totally into it; yoga, veggies, meditation, releasing old ego and welcoming new light, totally into it. Ummm ummm

In Long Beach people used to drive like nuts. It’s almost as if they were intentionally trying to hit cyclists. We always peddled on the sidewalk if we could even though pedestrians would give a side eye. I’ve heard way too many stories.

Oh, and I think the easiest time I've had making patties is with the fresh lima beans and pinkeye beans from the farmers market this past summer. Maybe because they were fresh and not dried? Or perhaps it was just my favoritism for my market goodies, haha!

I like the fresh beans from the market too. Oddly enough I only realized farmers markets had them when we got here. I’ll have to try a pink burger bean sometime.

@puravidaville, I read your post 3 or 4 times and figured these bean burgers were too much trouble to make. But I read it one more time and said, I can do this. The veggie burger that l buy at the store have a lot of other stuff in them. I am at the point where I want to make as much homemade stuff as possible. These burgers fit the bill. It is great being here I've learned so much from fff and fruits and veggies Monday. Thanks for this post.

No, no, they were so easy. You can even make them from canned beans if you need to. Just don’t forget to roast them a bit to dry them out. I love making our own everything. I know exactly what goes in it and most of the time it tastes a little better too. Good luck with the burgers and don’t get discouraged if they don’t turn out with your fist gobat them. I did that with my first attempt at bean burgers and didn’t try again for almost a year. That was a mistake because I missed out on a bunch of yumminess. :)

This is the kind of stuff that makes FFF the place to be on Friday. The comedy, the food, the unicorn poop, the trash talking, gotta love it!!!

Coolests Kitchen On the Blockchain

I couldn’t imagine having to deal with the change of schedules, language barriers, and plenty of other stuff I can’t think of because I haven’t had a sip of coffee yet. So it looks like to got some sort of an accessory kit and not the actual machine...or maybe someone opened the box and took the machine and ran. Lol.
Steem Dufus League, the people @steemflagrewards are all over it. Their flag does nothing being they have no SP. there is a list of a few hundred of these accounts. It’s pretty stupid.

Haha… “steem dufus league” love it! It’s lame… I don’t know what happened with the motor. I’ll be posting the story soon because it’s pretty funny how it shook out. Thanks @jlsplatts for stopping by and dropping a line. I can always count on you for support. I hope your day is filled with unicorn poop that falls from the sky like confetti. 😉

Hey @puravidaville, Your post has been determined to be Splat-Worthy!! Therefore You’ve been Splatted by the Splatz Curation Trail
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source
Rewarding Your Original Work
With an Upvote
And
Resteem
If you find posts worthy of a nasty Splatin’ feel free and mention @splatz in your reply to their post. Call me out!!

Hey @splatz, I’ve determined you rock! Keep it up Splat O Awesome.

Oh my gosh Sweetie!!! I hate when shi.........!!! Like this happens, but you handled it so well and those burgers turned out amazing. I would definitely love to have one right now and I hope you are going be able straighten out everything soon as possible. Keep me posted my Dear Puravidaville 😍

Haha… it was a funny experience… I’m making a post about the whole story soon. It’s pretty comedic :). Yanks for stopping by @lenasveganliving! You always have a burger patty at my dinner table 😉

I am really curious about that Sweetie and thank you so much, because I am planning to travel to Costa Rica next year 😍

Food fights on Fridays are Always fun to watch and most of it all, it helps me acquire new recipes to my cooking. Great cooks you have and I really wished I could try them all

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Go for it @ferrate, make some of the recipes and post on Friday, tagging it #fff. We’d all love to welcome you to the food fight family 😉. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for dropping a line my friend.

OK... Will pass by soon

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