So this is what will happen. This time it's MY way!

in #familyprotection6 years ago (edited)

I'm a very strong believer of whatever you put out you get back. Karma, law of attraction, goes around comes around....all that and more. Anyway: you get the drift.
Truth is, I believe this from deep within my core. And I have for a long time. I think I've always known this to be true.
And it's not just 'positive thinking' that will get you the same in return, or the negative, but it's much more.
It's the KNOWING that makes things happen. That feeling as if it already happened...

If you missed my earlier posts, here is a little part of the story:

https://steemit.com/familyprotection/@misslasvegas/why-it-has-been-quiet-from-my-end-it-s-changed-some-things

and here:

https://steemit.com/familyprotection/@misslasvegas/the-madness-continues-my-meeting-with-the-social-worker-and-colleagues-stress-in-ireland


source: beliefnet.com

Another truth is, that I've been scared shit-less for the last couple of months. About 6 months... And the last few a bit more and these last three weeks have been the height of it all. 6 months is a long time to be nervous or scared.
I am in a constant 'Fight or Flight' Mode. In other words: adrenaline rushing through my veins more than it should and it's not good!
When the case worker says something that either isn't true, or just a power game played by a bully, or something that is to a certain extend true, but completely blown out of proportion or context, it is VERY hard for me not to snap and tell her exactly what I think of her and her job. And sometimes I can't help myself, and argue. NOT because I like to argue, but because I feel like she is treating me like a criminal and because I feel she already had her mind made up about me, without knowing ANYTHING about me. Every rebuttal I give her, she has one in return and sometimes she makes it sound so great, that even I start to doubt myself....
It's just NO winning with these people. Until I snap out of my self-doubt and KNOW that I am right!
She is doing this and I am feeling like this because of her. And it is not doing me or my children any favours.
My youngest son, who is three and a dirt devil, is now forever haunted by his mother, wash cloth in hand and brush close by, so the face and hands can be wiped and the (long) hair can be brushed...just in case.

Just in case... But... just in case what?

Just in case she decides to grace us with a visit and my baby boy is not to her standards.
Just in case he wiped his sticky hand across his face after lunch - or worse: his hair!

It would be funny if it weren't so terrifying at the same time.
Every time the kids play a little rough, I tell them not to. Just in case....
My two sons were playing, tickling each other and laughing all the way. Then my eldest son tickled a bit too much and as a reaction, my youngest moved a bit too wildly, still laughing loudly - and banged his head on the side of the couch...
A bruise on his forehead. He didn't cry, was still laughing, but it had me in tears.
What if she comes in and sees this and blames me?
This is not living. I am afraid to live the way we were. We hardly go outside these days, all out of fear that the kids will get dirty and she shows up when we're just back inside.
The constant fear and constant looking over my shoulder and watching the kids like a hawk is taking its toll.
It's driving me insane!
But I realize:

This is what they want!


source: www.scarysymptoms.com

Reading all these stories of people I have gotten to know here the last few months. Some more horror than others.
It's scaring the crap out of me.
Fighting is not an option, because with everything I say, she comes up with a totally new (or old) set of stories.
She brings up things, that happened six years ago, weren't an issue then, but suddenly now they are.
Fighting her directly is not an option.

My whole body is flushed with adrenaline and from deep within a voice screams: RUN! Take your kids and RUN.

But that is not an option either. YET.

So what do you do when you're backed into a corner?

No way out. Like a lioness and her cubs, trapped between a rock-wall and trophy hunters.


source: imagekind.com

What would you do?

It is hard to remain positive when everything is blowing up in your face. The constant fear of what's next is the most horrible feeling I've ever had in my life, worse than the one time I got robbed with a gun to my head.
The weekends are more relaxed, because I know they don't work on weekends, but those are the times that I need to get some work done or just think about my next move.
I decided this feeling of utter helplessness has to stop.

It has to stop NOW!

This feeling, my fast heart rate, the headaches, hardly any sleep...
It is going to hurt me, hurt us if it doesn't stop now.
So slowly but surely, I managed to get a few minutes meditating. Something I never saw as a hard, now seems like a chore. Try to get the mind quiet with so much going on and so many thoughts going through your mind. It's almost impossible to quiet the mind! The shower has always been my best meditation friend and it is now.
5 minutes a day is better than nothing.
It has helped a little to calm my mind. Stress and all these crazy thoughts are NOT helping the situation.

So what to do if fight or flight isn't an option?

Don't get me wrong: I still have a few crypto-thingies going on that could potentially change everything soon.
No, it's not going to turn me into a millionaire overnight, but it can make a difference.
It could buy us the tickets we need, or the transportation we need to make our way out of Ireland at least. What comes after, we'll see....
But I can't sit back and wait for that. I have to do something. NOW.

I've been speaking to my ex boyfriend's sister (my youngest son's aunt) about all this drama.
We've had very good contact over the last few years and she has been very supportive even though she lives
200 miles away and has a very busy life of her own with a severely autistic teenage son and a full time job as a lecturer at university. But it's her job that can make the difference for us.
She is a barrister and teaches law!
She knows all the ins and outs of the justice system here in Ireland and knows how social workers 'work'.
She knows what they can and cannot do, and most importantly: what they're not allowed to do.
After my last message to her (basically frantic because I don't know what to do) she said it may be a good idea to ask for a meeting. Us two with the case worker and her team leader. She asked me to write down all my concerns, and as much detail as possible about all the things that have been said and done.

Part of me thinks this could be the next move that is needed to get them off my back. The last thing they want is get complaints and it to be taken to the ombudsman. Tomorrow I am going to sit down and write it all down for her. What the case worker said to my eldest daughter: that she thought she was manically depressed (wow, she's a doctor now too) and that she must be depressed because of the situation at home...a situation that they caused. That I'm not exactly stable at the moment (again, something she is causing). The time that she just walked into her room to ask her questions without my consent. The threats. All of it.
I am still not 100% sure if it couldn't also go the complete opposite way: anger the social worker even more...
But maybe there is an option to request a different one and make a new start.

All those doubts are driving me crazy. But I have to do something.
I can't just sit here and do nothing.
I just can't go through another 3 months of this, the way things are now, with my heart and mind racing all the time and getting us no where.

Wish me luck....

Do you think my story is an exception? Think again!

Please read all the stories of others under the #familyprotection tag. It happens, every day and everywhere to people like you and me. It could happen to YOU! Please support @familyprotection, if there is ONE cause worth fighting for, it's this. Thank you for reading. 50% of the earned SBD will go to @familyprotection.


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I wish that I could fly in and scoop you all up and take you away!

Hang in there. You are very strong, even though you feel so worn down at times.

Thank you @canadian-coconut. Yeah, it doesn't feel like I'm very strong at the moment. But now that I know for a fact that this whole ordeal is about one person's personal issues with me, it's easier to handle. She has me in fight mode now.

Thank-you @misslasvegas for submitting this post with the #familyprotection tag. It has been UPVOTED by @familyprotection and RESTEEMED TO OUR Community Supporters.

"Child Protection Agencies" are taking children away from their loving families.
THESE FAMILIES NEED PROTECTING.

(If you feel that our community has brought more rewards and attention to this post, please consider contributing a portion of those rewards back to our cause.)

I was in fight of flight mode for 2 years. It did a number on me.

I've had to get a therapist and see my regular doctor.

I've had to accept that the health results are not my fault.

I had to accept that -- well, I actually wrote about it. I should post it.

You get to a point where you can't take it anymore.

You get to a point where you KNOW you aren't crazy and that this can't just be happening to just YOU.

You get to a point where you KNOW if you don't do SOMETHING, you're going to end up physically dead -- or WORSE -- because of what they are causing, what they are threatening you with.

You get to a point where something changes inside of you because of it.

For me, I'm on a mission to change the legal system. I'm on a mission to find ways with our emerging technologies to hold people who make statements on legal documents accountable for what is actually true to reduce these behaviors -- restoring balance the interlocked systems.

It can be done.

You'll find your mission too.

Remember, the lioness, is the huntress of the family. She hunts to provide for her cubs. She's calculated, stealthy and follows her instincts.

Keep practicing self-care and keep us updated how it goes with the barrister.

Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry to hear you had to go through that for 2 years. It's been about 6 months and I am already at that point where I think I could lose it any time now. The thing is that I know that this has got nothing to do with my kids or how they're cared for. This is personal. I've said things to my case worker and now I'm on her shit list. She's one of the most fake people I've ever met in my life and has NO life experience other than her life as a hair dresser before she became a social worker. Yes, I agree, I believe you should post your experiences. I believe it is important for people to become more aware of what's going on all around us and that there are things happening in this world that no one would believe if they didn't hear it over and over. I wish you great success on your mission. I think you're strong, and with that a life changer. I appreciate your feedback. It means a lot to me.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Try to think positive and redirect your mind to positive outcomes. Upvoted and resteemed.

❤️️❤️️❤️️ I am doing that now. It took me a while because of all the stress they cause, but I'm on the right track again. Thank you for your ongoing support @thethreehugs ❤️️

You are welcome my friend and ditto! I am happy you ar doing well.

When in danger or in doubt,
sort the biggest bastard out! 😘

Wise words...That's more or less what my mother and grandmother always used to say.
(in less nice words...lol) And they were right.Well, it's what I'm aiming for.

I totally understand your feeling, although when I was experiencing this for that long of a period it was mostly because of the severe stalking.. But that made it quite impossible to deal with the CPS issues at the same time. Because I was afraid they would stand on my doorstep too, when I needed to do the floor or something, as we lived in a small studio and the laundry would hang inside the room where we lived and sleeped. So I wanted to avoid them coming to our house at all times unexpected. Because with these people you never know.. everything is used against you.
I wish I had some kind of aunt like that in those days, because my lawyers was no help at all looking back.
Didn't know jack shit about any of these complicated cases..
I hope you will be finally feeling at peace soon, because it is taking a toll on your health when this takes too long, and I guess many of us here can tell you they have been through that.

My fingers are crossed, and by the way the part you started with, I do believe in that too, many things I have as an example when it worked, but I must admit when there is "noise" around me of stressful things that are out of my hands, I can barely focus enough on the outcome to feel it actually as something that already is..

But I started to meditate again last week too, as I am scared as shit too due to the stupid passport thing I am now going through.
Thanks for your reply btw, I noted it down, so I will remember if this will be the option otherwise (trying to get a new ID instead for the time being)

Take care! <3

thank you for your ongoing support mama. The one thing that gets me through this is the people here. Without it, I truly wouldn't have known how to handle all this crap. I am sure things will work out for the both of us.

Hihi yes, it is the knowing that makes things happen in life and it is great and it is a daily thing for our health and for success and even for me as I was a freelance teacher in Vietnam and love waht you are writing about that.

Police almost took me from my mom when I was kid. My siblings too in Oregon in the 1980's. The fight or flight is a thing that happens a lot. Plus, we can also freeze in some moments.

@AnotherHero, hope you enjoy destroying people who spend their lives helping other people. I spent 5 years in Vietnam helping people. I was working in the Salvation Army helping the Homeless in Hawaii for a year. Worked 5 years at camps all over America. I am 33 years old and I am a man of many talents and I know thousands of people even before I joined Steemit. Lots of people know me and they will be coming to Steemit sooner or later. That is good. What I do is good. All of it is better than you say. I will continue to do what I do. I am the Original Oatmeal and you can NOT watch my videos on YouTube haha.

YOU ARE A SPAMMER!!!

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Please consider to UPVOTE this warning if you find my work to protect you & the platform valuable.
Have a nice day!

wow, a great story, you really are very strong. All my support for you, greetings!

Great post. thanks for sharing.upvote and resteem done

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