Why it has been quiet from my end. It's changed some things...

in #familyprotection6 years ago (edited)

I haven't written much lately. There is a very good reason for that. I will explain.
If you have the time...

Doctor Jekyll and MRS. Hyde...


source: pixabay.com

I don't even know where to start. My mind is constantly racing with everything that has happened lately, so I hope to be able to put it into words. A few weeks ago, my 16 year old confided in me about something that has been happening with someone who I thought was a friend, a close friend, someone who's been around us for the past few years and was accepted like he was family. I am not going to disclose any details, but I can tell you that all the necessary steps were taken. That same day the social worker called me and told me that our case was being closed....
I had to tell her what was happening as she would have found out anyway. Of course this changed things.
She told me that they couldn't close the case now and she would get back to me after she spoke to her team leader on how we were to proceed.
That same day she came to the house with another colleague. I was in the bedroom tending to my youngest after his nap and I had my friends J&D there and their kids were playing with mine.
J. opened the door to them and asked them to wait for a minute and I would be right with them.
But they didn't care, they went straight for my daughters room, opened the door and waltzed in as if they owned the place... They were already talking to her when I came in.
The social worker then went on to tell me not to beat myself up over this, that it wasn't my fault and that I'd done all the right things.... But what came later showed me that this woman has serious issues...That she keeps changing her mind.
That she does whatever she wants and in the very last place in the best interest of any child... The funny thing is (if it can be called funny that is) I don't even hate her. If anything, I feel sorry for her. There must be something so terribly wrong in her life that she takes pleasure torturing others. When I see her, I don't see a happy person. I see a woman who's the miserable product of a system that was set up to fail us all and have us all fail within it.


source: pixabay.com

A narcissistic social worker...Yes, they exist.

Then two weeks ago, she came back, yet with another colleague. All guns blazing. We were running late for my eldest daughter's school. I hadn't done the floors yet (would usually do this after I drop her into school) and hadn't had the time to change my youngest son's clothes, there was dog hair on it (God forbid).
I literally had the broom in my hand when they came in (no knocking, just walked in).
Right away there were remarks about the floor so I told her: "As you can see..." holding up the broom. Now, I have to add to this that when her colleague the family care worker drove us to the shop for groceries when my car was at the mechanic's, the back seat of her car was covered in dog hair. She apologized for the state of her car then and tried to brush it off with her hand but to no avail. You couldn't even see the seat! So it's not OK for my kids to stand on a floor with dog hair, but perfectly fine to sit in it. Now, I wanted to mention this, but I didn't. The woman had always been nice enough to us, no point getting her into trouble. I always have the feeling that she doesn't agree completely either...But of course, she could never say anything like that.

I then told the social worker that we needed to go to bring my daughter and boyfriend who'd stayed over, to school. The other then said: "Well, you're going to be late now anyway, so an extra 10 minutes isn't going to make much of a difference..."
She said she'd take the kids for a walk so the case worker and I could talk. I told her that wasn't going to happen.
To which she replied: 'Well, we can take them to the office so you can talk in peace...' UHM, not gonna happen either.
So to make sure she wouldn't talk crap to the kids I asked my daughter and her boyfriend to go with them and not leave the kids out of their sight. Later my daughter told me that they walked down to the bottom of the road, she then said it was enough, turned around and walked back up. My eldest and her boyfriend were walking in front but when they turned back left to get to the house, she kept on walking with the kids....She was actually almost standing in the neighbours garden questioning the younger kids, when my eldest caught back up to them. WTF???

1 HOUR later: In short, the case worker had me completely in shambles. EVERYTHING I do is wrong in her eyes.
It was the second time she made serious threats. When I told her that kids in care rarely fare well and that I knew people (like my siblings) who had been sexually abused several times in care and in different families and homes, she told me: "Well, you better make sure that that doesn't happen to your kids, because that would be on you..."
I couldn't believe my ears. I knew what they are all about and that they really don't give a damn about any of the kids they're supposed to protect, but for her to just say it out loud...I didn't expect that. It just proved what I always thought: CPS is in business to 'protect' kids from their parents, but not from foster parents. At all.

She then went on to slap me around a bit more, at this stage I felt it was personal because she didn't like it that I didn't cower down. I guess they're used to people just bowing down and never talk back, but there is one thing I can't stand and that's injustice, so if I feel I've been treated with injustice, I will let people know. Maybe not a very smart thing to do in this case, but I can't help myself.


source: pixabay.com

The LIES, LIES and more LIES

There were a few moments when I would have loved to beat her in the head with something heavy.
I am NOT a violent person, I hate arguments even, but this one brings the worst out in me. In that respect I am glad that I have some kind of discipline to control myself and keep calm.
She went on to tell me how much they 'helped' me and I couldn't do anything but shake my head to that.
I don't think she liked that gesture so she said: "Well, we helped you source your mattresses and the bunk bed."
Funny story, because when they first came by, they were complaining about the beds. I told them then that they were only temporary and belonged to the landlord. I was waiting for a bunk bed and two new mattresses.
I sourced, paid for and transported those, not them. So I am not sure what this woman was thinking, but I guess if it's 'sourcing' when you mention it to someone and the other gets it done, then she is right. Other than that: She is absolutely nuts.
When I told her that I got those beds, not them, she grabbed the last straw she could find to throw at me and said:
"Well, the last few times I was here, there were cats inside." (if you know the full story, you'll know that she made me throw my cats out...which then led to having a whole different set of 'pets' in the house...)

I almost fell over. The last two times she was here, including this time, one or two cats ran in with her....
The last time she even said: "Whoops, sorry, did I just let her in?" When the cat ran past her legs and almost tripped her.
OMG, this woman is not right in the head! I was too flabbergasted to mention this to her, but instead turned to my daughter who was in the room. My daughter then said: "But we don't have the cats inside!"
Later, when they were gone, she said to me: "She lied mommy!"
In a way, I was happy that she was there to hear it, because she can be too trusting sometimes. But it's a sad reality at the same time. I want my kids to be able to trust people. But I guess it should be the right people.
So I told her: "I know she did. And that's why you can NEVER EVER trust them." She nodded...

The meeting

The social worker set a date for an appointment at their office to go through what is going to happen next.
I had this appointment this past week, but will keep this for another time as it is too much to go through right now. But I can tell you this: things get much, much crazier.

All of this, the events with them in the (recent) past already made me rethink what our options were.
I already thought that moving on to another place could just be the right thing to do.
After this however, there is even more reason to look elsewhere.
I don't want to stay here in this country, because however much I love the country and some of its people, it's brought us so much crap and heartache, to be honest, I feel like I've aged about 10 years just in the last couple of months...
At this stage, even the kids don't want to be here anymore. Even my youngest, who's only 3, said the other day that he doesn't understand why we don't live in a country where it's warm...(he has fond memories of Portugal).
The problem now is that because of all that has happened, I have no choice but to sit back and wait for the right time.
I've exhausted pretty much all of our financial buffers. Because I am running around like a headless chicken doing all the things 'THEY' want me to do, there is hardly any time to work or get things done to better our lives.
I haven't even looked at crypto over the past few weeks, haven't been here much and my freelance job...well, let's put it this way: They don't like to wait for my work for much longer. But I know that it's not always going to be that way. So I'm positive that something will come up and we can go.
Meanwhile, all I can do is prepare as much as I can. And that's what I'm doing. I will NOT let them beat me.
I am above that. I stand above them.

Wherever there is darkness, there will be light.

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Ughh ... You need a break from this crap already!
Sorry that you are still having to put up with these Social Workers -- and then to get a narcissist worker on top of it!!
Take care of yourself if you can.

thank you. I'm trying to do that. I need to since I can't take care of the kids if I don't take care of myself.

I'm so sorry, mama. What an absolute train wreck. I'm sending you love and good juju and all that.
Also, please pick Central America!!

Thank you for the love and good juju @solarsupermama :) Well yes, I am very much leaning towards Central America. Belize was on top of my list before I even came to Ireland. To be honest, the only reason why I'm here and not there is the financial part...@apanamamama has thrown Panama in the mix as well. There are some good folks in Central America, Panama, Belize, Mexico....It's hard. But I guess that once I make it there, it will be much easier to visit all of those places and then decide. It's the getting there that's on my priority list now.

Just make sure to check homeschooling laws! It's illegal in Costa Rica. :) My husband also looked at Belize before deciding on Panama. Chile was also on the list, but that's a little farther down there. ;)

It's no small task getting a whole family across the pond. We all need a massive crypto recovery. I've heard good things about Panama. I'm sad to hear Costa Rica has gone to the dogs, @apanamamama. What a shame. I certainly hope you can get here soon, @misslasvegas. You'll find your spot, and at the very least you'll be much closer!

Panama has been good to us so far. :)

Yes, it is very disappointing to hear homeschooling is illegal in Costa Rica, but then again, I've heard it is also very expensive, and of course it's still there for a visit :) Since I visited Belize, I still have my heart set on the country. But my main reason behind going to Belize at the time was because they speak English. I would love to learn more Spanish though (more than the very basic Spanish that I know) so living in a Spanish speaking country would be great too. Ah, I guess, it's the least of my worries, since I first need to get that way. I am not too worried about getting the family across the pond, it's the dogs I am worried about. It would break the kids heart (especially the youngest) and mine, if we'd have to leave them behind and with big dogs it can become costly...BUT that being said: YUP, crypto will recover soon....I'm sure of it! And then I'll be laughing about all of this. (and will see you both soon either way :)

Very much looking forward to laughing together over a belikin or a rum and coconut water. I've been wanting to learn more Spanish too, but I just haven't done it yet. It would make traveling around this region so much more fun. The import process on dogs isn't too bad here, but I know getting them here is a project. The thing that really drives me nuts here is immigration. How's immigration in Panama, @panamamama?

Yeah, even just visiting immigration seemed like a drag to me in Belize...But probably worse when you move there. Yes, looking forward to a good laugh with good people too! Crypto needs to go up and we'll be on our way!!!

Really looking forward to it. Immigration sucks. You just have to let them think you're really impressed with their power.

Yeah, I think that's the same with most people in power...My case worker would fit right in! (although I don't wish it on those nice people in Belize).

I always read your stories because they are absolutely crazy! You should really start recording the conversations with her at some point and lay out perfectly all the lies she's been telling. I am happy your eldest is figuring it out that this lady is off, so you're not alone in this in some way.

How'd you end up in this crap in the first place though?

Portugal by the way sounds way better than Ireland weather wise - also cheaper! @things and me were also discussing that Lisbon was pretty amazing. Also Berlin is pretty cheap to live, though the weather isn't exactly warm in winters :)

I guess cheap is always relative, so maybe compared to London Berlin is cheap, but the poorer Berlinians are now slowly being driven out of their quarters due to gentrification and rising costs of rent.
Also homeschooling is not really an option in Germany.
Countries like Bulgaria and Romania are also cheap, have sun and sea and good internet, I just think many Western Europeans are still not aware that there are other possibilities now in Europe, beyond Spain and Portugal.

Compared to most West European countries, Berlin is cheap. I am from Amsterdam and I swear by Berlin's prices. I agree - the rent has been increasing over the last years but going out for dinner, groceries etc is all quite cheaper that what I am used to.

I wouldn't be able for the big city life anymore I think...Berlin...too cold. Lisbon is a city but still has a small town feel to it. At the moment, I am looking at a lot of places...Central and South America on top of the list...We'll see where this brings us. First things first...How I ended up in this crap? Easy to do here in Ireland. It is not the first time they've been around, dealt with them before here, and in Holland...Anything out of the ordinary will bring them around. In my case (the first time in Holland) this was because I had an unassisted birth...Here...well, single mothers can't cope period...or so they think. And I am not only a single mother, I also homeschool and don't vaccinate my kids...all alarm bells to them. I must be on drugs or drinking...or something. This time they came because someone rang the police after my eldest (then 15, almost 16) couldn't reach me...that's how easy it is here to get involved with them. Ireland is still about 50 years behind on everything compared to the rest and the church is still very powerful, even though they say it isn't.

That is true. And whoa! That is entirely different and far, hehe.

Ah, I see. My mom also raised us three practically alone :) Though, we were not homeschooled. But they just call up and say 'Yo, you're weird so we're going to keep an eye on you'? Damn, sounds harsh. It does really sound like it's time for a change.

Yes, they'd prefer me living in a town, in a row of houses, send the kids to school...Just so they can have more control. They don't like it when people are 'different'. The funny thing is that here, they hardly ever bother couples with children. I've seen a woman once (the family was a well known 'traveller' family, kampsjaken in Dutch lol) pull her son out of the car by the ear because he didn't want to go to school...He was screaming all the way while she kept pulling him up to the school door. No one did anything about that. Why? Because first of all she was married and second because they were probably afraid of them. In Dublin, there are areas where you can see 5 year old's smoking...You won't see them there either...

In Germany many people are under the impression that only bums and addicts get their children taken by CPS and that CPS is a very progressive and benevolent thing, that "good" people have nothing to fear but the more I read here about cases like yours the more I think that this is not the case at all.
Germans know that in Eastern Germany the state was threatening dissidents with taking away their children, but cannot imagine that in a "democracy" such a system would exist.
So anyway, all the best, keep strong and hopefully you can get the bleep outta there asap.

Yes, people think the same in Holland or even here. I've heard people say that 'there must be something wrong' if they're involved. But fact is that if they'd knock on every door in the country, they'd probably find something wrong everywhere....they're trained to find fault. After all: "The man with the hammer finds nails everywhere..." That's the problem, that people are just not aware of these things. It's the same when people talk about things that happened in wars...any war. WWII, Vietnam, Cambodia...they then say: it will never happen again, but it always does...only now people are better at hiding it and changing the truth into something that 'looks better'. It wasn't so long ago that women had their babies taken here in Ireland to be sold to rich Catholic (American) families....Unimaginable to most other Western countries...and yet, it only stopped recently here. Thank you @likedeeler, I appreciate your words.

Yeah, I read about them Magdalene homes and laundries, patriarchy and religion at their worst.
But the West always likes to point fingers at other countries and religions, how terrible women are treated there, instead of taking care of its own stuff.

True, you'll hear people call outrage about how some women are treated in some Islamic countries, but turn a blind eye to what's happening in their own back yard. The Magdalene homes was a horrible, horrible thing that happened not so long ago, so that's why I don't understand how people still seem to think that what CPS does is justified.

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that things were almost done but opened back up. I can't believe they feel like they own your house so much that they don't have to knock or even listen when asked to please wait outside for you! Wow, mega power trip it sounds like. I have been wondering how you are doing. It's so sad that people like this exist and don't seem to care. Telling you that it would be on you if something happened to your kids if they were in foster care is insane. It sounds like you are doing everything they are asking you to do. Hopefully they will realize that and take it easy! Panama is warm. ;) Know that I continue to think about you!

thank you @apanamamama, your words mean a lot to me. Yes, Panama sounds really good right around now...anywhere but here really. Yes, they are on a constant power trip. I get the feeling that this particular social worker is trying to move up on the career ladder or something else....she's trying too hard. And what they all do too is when a case gets closed, they pat themselves on the shoulder and tell themselves how well they 'helped', as to justify how they treat people. However, I do believe the karma train comes around to these people too eventually...This social worker is young, barely 30, no kids...The other day I said to my friend that I wish her a great boyfriend....who then turns out to be some kind of psycho who stalks her till she loses her mind...I know, it's mean to think that way, but that's what this person brings out in me...(usually I am still my pacifist self...lol).

Oh wow - so young and no kids but thinks she knows everything. So sad! There are a lot of teachers out there like that too!! It is hard not to want something bad to happen to her! Hang in there. Hopefully this will be over for you soon...

I know, I used to have teachers like that...One of the reasons why I chose to homeschool my kids.

For real. I was a teacher like that! Ha.

Well, it takes quite a woman to admit that. I guess most of us were conditioned to have certain ways. There was a time when I thought the super nanny was the bomb and kids needed the naughty chair....Until my eldest showed me that this didn't work at all (she'd be on it all day if I would have kept with it). Nevertheless, I wish I had my mother's eye brows LOL. She only had to look at us in a certain way and we asked how high we needed to jump :)

Lol - too funny! Yes, I was a teacher for six years with no kids and thought I was smarter than most of the parents when it came to what they should do with their kids. Ha. I was totally clueless and quit right before my first son was born. Now I just school my own kids and never went back to public school. There are tons of teachers out there like that though. Super Nanny does have some good ideas...but some of them wouldn't work for most people I'm afraid!! ;)

Yes, that's the thing. I agree that some of super nanny's ideas are not bad, but like you said: doesn't work for most people. Every family and child is different. What works for one, doesn't for another. In the case of my eldest, even a doctor once told me to put her on the naughty chair....when I told him that this didn't work he said to 'stick with it'. I did....and it left us both exhausted, her completely upset and me almost in tears. The thing about TV is that they make it look like it's almost effortless, when in reality they do a lot of 'pre-work'. It's almost like trying to say to others that if you can't do it the way they get it done, you fail. No wonder some parents have the feeling they fail in parenting. There's just no one right way.

"I don't want to stay here in this country".
I was waiting very impatiently for you to come to that conclusion.

Well, the conclusion was already there for about 99%, but changed to 100% recently. It's not the first time I thought I needed to leave, but my eldest wouldn't come with us because of her boyfriend. Now things have changed, because he will be 18 soon...so we'll just bring him :) But now, the finances aren't right to make any kind of move, so will have to stay put until this changes....

I read your story yesterday and I didn't comment yet. Was wondering if you were living in Holland (something in the back of my mind said you are a Dutchy) but then I read the other comments, you told me before you had to deal with them in Holland, and now living in Ireland. And I remembered .. Seems like they are just as horrible in Ireland as they were in Holland. My gosh, how unreasonable.. Any idea what they are planning to do ? Is there an investigation going on or something? Like in Holland called "raadsonderzoek" (don't know the word in English) Because I believe you should be careful leaving the country if there is. We left just a few months after it was finished they tried to get our little baby under their power too because of the two oldest. But this lady of the "RvdK" was the one that DID take us seriously and DID actually listen to us, and read all our evidence against their accusations so the end conclusion was nothing would happen. I wouldn't have dared to leave the country if this wasn;t finished because I heard lots of stories about them taking the child right away as soon as they get notice about the plans to leave the country with the child. I feel bad for you that you are now dealing with those monsters again in another country :( And sure hope you will get rid of their interference soon. Although Spain was just our first option to go to, we have been there 14 months and I never regret doing so. But of course we only had a baby with us, that made it much easier to do so. I will read your next post, take care .. hope it turns out alright!

I don't think it works the same as in Holland. I'm not sure if something like a 'raadsonderzoek' exists here. They do however, have something called a child protection conference where all the people who are involved in the children's lives (like teachers etc.) are invited and they then speak of what will happen next and all those people are supposed to cooperate with it. The fact that this hasn't happened, shows me that she works from her own account, nothing else. There are no different divisions here like in Holland, like 'Bureau Jeugdzorg, AMK and RvdK, here it's all one...worse even, the social workers you get here, can also be working with for instance elderly people who need care or terminally sick people. It's hard to compare them with the ones in Holland, because I felt that the people I dealt with from the AMK were like Nazis...they actually told me at some stage (when I stopped talking and said I wanted someone else to be present) that if that was my choice, then they could just make stuff up and write that down....While the case worker I dealt with after that, was actually kind and friendly. Here, they're predictable in their unpredictability. I don't know which is worse. If I were to leave the country, I wouldn't even give them a hint that we were leaving. I probably wouldn't even tell the kids until it was time to go. I would never take the chance of them deciding against it and stopping us. The feeling of uncertainty is what gets me the most, since I just never know what their next move is and this woman in particular seems to disapprove of everything I do. I am so nervous all the time and pretty much running around with a wet cloth in my hand and clean clothes to clean up my youngest every few minutes or so out of fear that she might come around whenever she feels like it to see him with a dirty face, hands or clothes....It's nuts and especially living on a farm. I hardly ever go outside with them now because of that! That indicated to me that she doesn't have any children, because people who do know that it's nearly impossible to keep kids clean all the time. All I'm focused on at this point is to make it through the next few months, as we are having another meeting at the end of June to see what has been 'achieved'. It's almost like she needs that pat on the shoulder, so she can cross us off her list and 'prove' how much she 'helped' us. I am hoping that I can afford to go somewhere for a short holiday in between now and then, just so we can get away from them for a while because three months seems like a long time at the moment...Counting down the days...

oh my god, what a horror story.. what Is it to live in total hypocrisy. we have to be SO strong to stay sane.. and not totally freak out on them.. I guess thats WHAT they want you to do,, and you didnt.. so well done misslasvegas .. keep fighting them .. sending m8uch love!

Thank you @eco-alex, well it is very hard to keep calm(ish) and I do get upset, but try not to because they could just use that to say I'm not stable...Really, I'm almost afraid to sneeze in front of this one...

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