Love's Epic Journey Through Latin America: My Mother, Her Mother, My Mothering, My New Children, Parental Alienation and Legal Kidnapping
The Great Mother gives birth to all things. We are all mothers and givers of life. We all must find the Mother within us. We all nurture in some capacity.
I have been on the traveler's road, touring through Latin America for more than a year now. More than a journey through Latin America it is a journey of my heart and soul.
All through Latin America this past week has been Mother's Day. In the USA it's always the second Sunday of May but in other countries it is on Thursday, Friday, etc.
Many young people throughout Latin America have adopted me as their mother this year. During my travels I have met lots of beautiful people whom have taken me into their heart. Several have a great mother already and some do not. Regardless of their current mother situation I was given a Happy Mother's Day because, they tell me, "in my heart you are my true mother".
I am honored.
This also brings to mind Qiqi and Noki, Quinn's @quinneaker daughters at the Garden of Eden @gardenofeden. In their beautiful innocence they have taught me some important things about myself as a mother. They have supported me healing my deep emotional wounds by just being their beautiful selves.
Everywhere I go on my travels I meet children who fall in love with me. There's Luzby, my good Panamanian friend and heart adopted daughter. With my guidance (which I learned from watching Quinn) she has shifted her angry destructive little boy to one of, most of the time, to a much more loving and gentle person.
His energy is at peace and Luzby enjoys being a mother much more.
It's interesting that I have, for the most part, severed ties with my own mother and three of my four children have extremely strained relationships with me. My son is 29 and my daughters are 18, 24 and 25. One of these women is carrying my first grandchild. Two of them seriously embrace the family bandwagon of pretending I am evil and should be avoided at all costs. The other two have a lot of hurt, one is looking at her pain when possible, the other still frequently shields herself with her anger but she's evolving. I am hopeful.
As a little girl I dreamed of being a mother. I was going to raise my children in a loving home where my children knew they were safe and loved, unlike how I was raised. The cycle of abuse in my family was going to stop with me. In hindsight I realize I failed miserably.
Now, I take responsibility after years of blaming everyone.
I blamed my children's father.
I blamed the family courts.
I blamed my deceased father.
I blamed my brothers.
I blamed my whole family.
I blamed the school system and the whole f@&king world.
Most of all, I blamed my mother's current husband and
my mother.
Take a look at my award winning blog containing a quick window of my childhood.
Daddy Couldn't Kill Me
My own mother was abandoned by her mother when she was a preteen then forced to marry her rapist at the age of 15. This man was later to be my father. As you can imagine, it was a challenging childhood for me. My blog above will give you more insight into what I've overcome.
My grandmother was Amish. She was abandoned by her family when she became pregnant as a teenager out of wedlock.
https://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/inside-amish-life/!
I believe my grandmother was also 15 years old at the time. I also got pregnant out of wedlock when I was 15. My mother told me to get an abortion or move out. Do you see how these cycles take on a life of their own? We were reliving the family legacy without directly realizing it.
Out of my 3 daughters none of them have experienced this so perhaps I have stopped this part of the cycle. Their father was taught to respect women so our girls are more balanced in this area than previous generations. I am grateful for this.
I couldn't allow their father to love me too much. As a result, I projected all my fears and hatred onto him and drove him away. This brought up his fears and hatred. During our divorce I took him to court and slapped him with a restraining order.
At the exact same time my mother and her wealthy, retired, childless, successful lawyer husband took me to court for full custody of my youngest daughter with my children's father behind them waving his revenge flag the entire time.
Never mind it was never a fair trial.
Never mind that a step father has no rights in family courts.
Never mind that my mother only saw my daughter on the rarest occasions.
Never mind that my mother didn't protect me from my pedophile father.
Never mind that she stood and watched as my father tried to smash my skull in.
As crazy as it sounds, until recently I always believed my mother protected me.
Now I realize I only believed that because when I was a child I was always certain that my father would not rape me in front of my mother.
He always liked to operate that in secrecy.
To me, that was safety. This delusional idea of safety has stayed with me until recently.
Once I began to take responsibility for my relationship with my own children the opportunities for healing flowed in.
Qiqi and Noki from the beginning, just knew that whatever was on my plate is going to be good.
At Breakfast With Qiqi and Noki
They both would crawl, grab onto skirt hems, shuffle across tables and later walk or run to sit with me and my plate of food.
Their mother just laughs and tells me I need to accept it and just put more food on my plate.
Over time we created cooking and eating rituals together. In this way we've developed a really fun relationship sparked by food.
A few weeks before I began my Epic Journey Through Latin America the girls were sitting on my lap with their arms around me, showering me with love and great vibrational energies.
In this moment I became aware of something I've experienced many many times before but never took responsibility for.
Suddenly, I was aware that I was having a panic attack.
My body felt hot and angry. Every fiber of my body wanted to throw the girls off me and run far away. I became short of breath and sweaty. Because I was aware that these girls have absolutely no blame on my feelings,
I had no where to go but in.
I was faced with my Self.
It was then that I woke up to the realization that I have experienced this with my own children many, many times before. In my dysfunction and delusion I always became angry at my children and blamed them.
No wonder I have crappy relationships with my children.
Immediately I contacted the two children who speak to me and told them about my awakening.
I apologized and asked them to forgive me. It was a huge step for us.
The other 2... the Universe is bringing them back to me and I await the opportunity to reconnect with all of them. Until then, I send them healing love and compassion from my heart.
This brings me to the
family courts situation,
legal kidnapping and
Parental Alienation.
When the courts abducted my daughter and gave her to my mother and stepfather she was 12 years old. Next month she will be 18.
At the time we had a beautiful and amazing relationship that we both enjoyed deeply.
Today she believes she hates me with a passion and I'm an evil monster. My mother and her husband have used their tools of power to completely strip me of any communication with her for fear of being imprisoned unless I go through a series of overpriced government mandated testing and therapies and pay tons of money into their system.
This is a clear case of
Family Court abuse,
legal kidnapping
and Parental Alienation.
This type of atrocity is a growing phenomenon every day in the United States. My story is becoming very common.
The break down of the family and dysfunctional citizens make plenty of clients for the system. There is lots of money to be made by sick people.
It is my intention to expose my experience and subsequently what is happening to families in the United States. As you can see "best interest of the child" is only words.
Because I've really had no contact with my daughter I can't agree with the idea that she has come to the conclusion that I'm an evil monster all by herself as has been conveyed to me by mother.
My mother, I believe, is unhappy with her current relationship with me since it has been severed as a result of this. It's very possible that she never considered talking to me but went straight to court. As a result she looses me in her life and I don't see that's it's possible for me to ever trust her again.
Thank the Goddess for women like my heart sister Shellie (@everlove). Watching her play and play with Qiqi and Noki has been hugely healing for me. Thank the Goddess for Quinn for allowing me into their family and being a part of the lives of his beautiful children.
My life with them has been truly magical and beautiful.
One day I was feeling particularly sad about my estranged situation with my youngest daughter. I was crying when 4 year old Qiqi felt compassion for me.
She crawled into my lap and wiped my tears as she asked me why I was crying. I told her I was really missing my daughter a lot today.
My heart exploded with her overflowing love as she hugged and kissed my wet cheek and said in her sweet little girl voice, "don't be sad Love, I'll be your daughter."
That's got to be the sweetest, most pure and real moment in my entire 53 years of life.
Now you see what I mean by we are all mothers and givers of life. Even a little girl can find the Mother within herself. We all nurture in some capacity.
While I am traveling through Latin America alone, with no savings of money I am learning to love myself by unlearning fear and assuming the victim role.
My survival depends on my internal evolution, overcoming fear and the victim mentality. Finding my own mother within, loving and nurturing my own little girl within is at the foundation of the success of my
Epic Journey Through Latin America.
The circle of those whom are drawn into my nurturing and loving capacity grows larger as my as my healing grows.
Young people from all over the world (hence all photos above) are joining me in love and embracing the healing mother love that I have to share.
In celebration of nurturing, mothering and love,
I share my story.
As a note, none of the photos in this blog are of anyone in my biological family for the purpose of protecting their privacy.
~
~~~~~~~~~~~Keep Following.
I got many more fun-believable experiences,
and amazing photography,
I'm serious!
My stories are continuously unfolding as I continue my unique journey south.
Your UpVote, Follow, Repost and Comments support me to keep the...
I'm very grateful that my post has been received in the spirit it was intended.
I desire to support the cause of exposing the family courts for what they truly are. Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.
I'm grateful you exist.
Steem on!
Congratulation loveon! Your post has appeared on the hot page after 41min with 6 votes.
Beautiful! I love the awareness that my post is bringing.
Steem on!
It's very interesting this journey of motherhood!! It's cool how we get to explore so many facets of it through many different avenues. You have definitely had the opportunity to stretch yourself. Take responsibility for everything really is key, and I'm glad you're getting to experience the reality of it.
I hope you will soon be serving eggs and toast to @qiqi-power and @noki-power at the @gardenofeden with the girls curled up in your lap with their arms wrapped around your neck. That kind of sweet, sweet unconditional love is an overwhelming blessing!!!
Great post @loveon. Resteemed.
Picturing in my mind those girls hugging and loving on me again is making my eyes juicy. I will see you all next week.
Hugs and love to all of you.
May it be so! <3
Congratulations @loveon! You have received a personal award!
Click on the badge to view your Board of Honor.