RE: Tears seem to be endless today, missing my 2 oldest kids
I have lost my brothers in combat and have lost some of my best friends to suicide because their mind could not leave Iraq. I know the feeling, it hurts. The tears fall, and the pain is in your soul. The question your actions, that "you should've been better", and how you failed them.
I cannot do much from my computer, but I can tell you what has helped me during my worst time. And this something has kept me clean and kept me alive, and that i to use it. Use the pain, let it fuel you. Let it be the driving force that powers your every move to do better and accomplish everything your seek.
Become uncontrollable and unable to fail, and perform every action like those that you are thinking about are watching you at every moment. Would you ant them to see a broken mother? Or do you want them to see a Mother that can make mountains crumble?
Definately the last scentence, that is exactly what I am trying to do since I started writing in English. I have to plan to go the the European court of human rights, several people hearing parts of the story adviced this. But first I need to have a complete story to go to that court, in English as I am Dutch.. And I need to find a good lawyer that will be helpfull instead of the one in Holland that had no clue to handle this complicated case.. There needs to be an experienced lawyer when the time is right. We are not yet at that point.. I read several stories of you, as you know.. and it is sad to read what youve been through, but good to read you tey to turn things into positive.. You are an example to me, as I also try to do so, sometimes I just can't and it will take a few days before I can go on again, but Ive noticed that I can switch these painful emotions much quicker than a year ago. Things need to get done, to start the process of getting them back and Rome wasnt build in a day either ;)