I'm emotionally fatigued from smiling

I think it's so much easier to give hospitality than receive it. Often times giving to others comes from my guilt, my patriarchal ego, or some other need to be acknowledged. What happens when the universe keeps sending you people who toss their whole hearted kindness to you, reject your money, and just enjoy spending time with you without any strings attached?

Should I feel guilty?

My American capitalist is asking questions like

What's the catch? When will the other shoe drop? What benefit does this person get for being nice to me?

We are programmed to be weary of being scammed. Paranoid that the world is out to shimmy our personal value for their individual gain. We are so protective over our assets and potential that we have forgotten how to receive kindness.

It's a scary idea but

Let's just sit with the but I feel bad when you pay for me and imagine that money isn't the biggest thing in the world. What if we learned to accept gratitude and not think beyond it, like we are obligated to pay our debts or else it makes us feel like terrible people?

What if gratitude is like a pile of trash burning and after it has become a bunch of carbon it has changed form and becomes part of a different purpose?

Let's say that one random act of kindness from the purest deed comes from a place where his or her intention meant for you to share your own random act of kindness to another person. Like a ripple of universal love that came from a willing neighbor who would babysit your kiddo in a ball pit for two hours while you young parents run off to watch Deadpool 2.

We wish to pay back the kindness, but what does he value?

He's a family man, and his son is able to flap his chubby wings of you when he's playing with his new friend. Perhaps we already offer something for his time, and it may be something that money cannot buy. Companionship for a boy who longs for friends.

A surplus of gratitude is soil to grow a tree of kindness

When we cross paths with people from all over the world, regardless of race, religion, or color, we can honor their presence and share experiences with each other. If we have an opportunity to host our guests, I will always think of this awesome neighbor that made us feel incredibly lucky to have spent a month in Batam, Indonesia.

Until next time :)

(All photos were taken with my Google Pixel)