in #family4 years ago

You've seen them, and you've heard them.

All you need to do is visit a Wal-Mart, Dollar Store, or super market. You don't even need to be near them, but you'll know that they are there. Loud, spiteful, empty threats can be heard from aisles away. So-called "grownups" attempting to raise their children with their mouth, but only using yelling. Talk about an embarrassment!

I'm not sure why this is so common, but it is one of the reasons I prefer not to go shopping. In a lot of the cases, it seems that if the "adult" had just followed through on whatever discipline they originally claimed was coming... the first time, then the next twenty times of them shouting vain threats at a three year old would not have been necessary. It seems that the adults just lacked the discipline to do so, and were hard at work passing that deficiency onto the next generation... great, now my children can listen to the same lame family interaction when they go shopping with their own children one day.


To interject for a moment, I will share a most strange experience with you. It happened some years back, and was one of those precious times when someone truly taught me something very profound without really trying to teach me. I guess I just happened to notice the right thing at the right time, and was extremely blessed by it.

As you know, @mama-pepper and I now have five @little-peppers. At the time this event happened, we had four. We were visiting a very interesting family with several children as well, and these people "happened" to be people of faith. Among other things, that meant that they prayed periodically throughout the day, including before their meals, etc.

When we were there, they prayed with us as well, and I noticed something most peculiar. As the father of the family bowed his head and began to pray, his voice actually became fainter. I myself had to strain just to hear the words of his prayer, and everyone else in the room did too. Unless we were all extremely quite at this somber moment, no one (except God) would be able to hear.

Many men would most likely do the opposite at such a moment, by raising their voice louder than any sound which raised up to challenge it... but not this man. Much like the people at Wal-Mart, he too was raising his children with his mouth. However, the results, along with the volume, were polar opposites.

I've reflected on this situation periodically over the years, and I believe that there is wisdom contained in it. I share it now as food for thought, because it just may bless some of you to consider. While children may be young and unruly at times, I think adults should be more practiced in being in proper control of their bodies... voices included.

Until next time…

GIF provided by @anzirpasai




Thanks. I needed this. Recently it has been getting a bit difficult. Perspective is a pain in the ass to maintain.

It was convicting to write too, as I needed a tune up. Didn't want you to miss out, so figured I'd share. Glad that we are on the same page now.... ;-)

Life is so amazing but can be so frustrating at times. The momentary lack of control can ruin so much. I've not been able to put my lessons like these into words or type yet but I hope to find the inspiration to sooner than later.

Interesting that the word "temper" has a dual meaning of both extreme emotion and to control oneself. I have tended towards the former but strive for the latter.

Good, because "striving" is a show of responsibility.

As you begin to have the right "understanding" about understanding situations, it would become easier to regulate you emotions or *temper your temper.

Just like the upvote meter💯👍

this works so well in adult life too when talking to adults.

LOL - Point taken!

Every single technique I learned to modify children's behavior at summer camp works A+ for adults ;p

Parenting is definitely not easy. Learning how not to shout and to use reason instead takes lots of self-restraint and determination. Often, I feel children react badly if we simply just shout at them. All we need to do is to put ourselves in their shoes. Respect goes both ways. It starts with using our voices.

Raising children is one aspect of life that i have a knack for, and the mouth is one of the most important tools.

Recently @cryptoctopus made a post about expecting a baby and fatherhood and he requested comments,

I said that one fundamental principle you must kniw is the power of the mouth because of "words"

Most times, the outcome of a child in adulthood is largly dependent on how they were raised as children, this is something i have also found out when listening to people share their life experiences on my show.

Words are powerful and important and children are very observant, when you don't do what you say, they don't respond to you correctly.

I just hope I've not written too much but thanks @papa-pepper for this, i would just keep following.
Maybe one day you would be a special guest on my discord show like Terry.

Steem on!

Speak well to them, and gently. Thus they will rise up and become educated people.

Amen to that!

family harmonious, have successful and creative father together fruit heart, hopefully always happy, @papa-pepper, ☺️

Since I met you, you are my greatest example to follow, since you have made me understand how to educate a child that love respect nature and mainly do not stop being children that there is always a positive side in things, keep it up, friend I love every publication that you do, as always I send you a big hug your Venezuelan friend

Wow, thank you so much my friend!

I was in a Target store a few years ago, and saw this little snotty 10 year old kid disrespecting his Grandmother. He was demanding she buy him all sorts of things she couldn't afford, when she finally had enough. She threatened to take away his video game time due to his cursing, and he said he would report her if she did.

I was shocked at his foul mouth and disrespsct, (we see this a lot in the suburbs...) and jokingly said to her do you want to spank him with my belt or use yours? Her respone? we don't discipline the children I said and THAT'S why he talks to you the way he does, maybe it's time you started. Unreal...

Nice! I've been known to "step in" to a degree.... but I usually have a way a scaring the children enough to make them quiet. A few times I've almost thought that the parent was going to counter me, but that would have just been giving the child a green light.

They needed the assistance thats why they didn't counter

The family is the most important for every person.

Wise indeed and it reminded me of a quotation I read somewhere, from someone many years ago..

Speak softly. It is far better to rule by love than fear. Let no harsh words mar the good we might do here.

No idea who said it, its just one of those things that stuck....
Love to you and the family young fella, you need at least one more, I love even numbers ;-)

LOL - Thank you!

I'm sorry.
I become a different person when I get behind the wheel.
Because....There are soo many people who don't know how to drive.
Plug your ears kids.

You are not alone.... I've seen others.

Indeed true Sir @papa-pepper. I often yelled to my children and they yelled back. I think that's not the right way to correct their mistakes and this blogs you made is really helping me a lot and is very informative to all parents like me. Salute to that Sir!

Kinda turns things on their heads, doesn't it? That's great advice, man. If you start yelling, then you've probably lost control. If you've lost control, then they're leading you... wherever they want to go.

Nice insight! Keep that in mind later!

Absolutely! I'm always trying to gather information that I can apply to my life when the situation warrants it.

Glad to hear it!

I tell you what I think a lot of it comes from. I think people are often stressed out too much about finances , their jobs, and they don't get enough sleep so they are on edge on irritable.

One thing I noticed a lot with my dad is that he mellowed out a lot after he retired.

I don't wake up to alarms. I just wake up when my body wakes up. It helps me a lot mentally.

But yeah I hate seeing people yelling all the time and it is common in sports as well. Parents yelling at their kids.

Good insight.

Great anecdote, thanks for sharing! It is important to share and sharpen each other, to keep up our discipline.

A question for you - what do you do with parents who don't know what they are doing?

I recently have shared a book called 'How to train your child'; I found a copy in spanish (see how the Lord works?). Not a ton of people have been trained in these methods, and the parents are always the first ones who need to be trained; they're so eager for it they often let the kids do it!

what do you do with parents who don't know what they are doing?

Pray for them. We are in a generation where this is very common, and the next one is likely to be worse. Many very pathetic ideas have been promoted by this world about how to raise children, and ow people are reaping what they've sowed.

Parents also want to be the kids friend...they need to stop that! Be the parent!!!! As for the talking quieter, total opposite to what everyone else does....seems like something people should try!

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Life with small children can be a challenge. I know I had four. But my family knew when mama and papa got quiet trouble was near at hand. I never raised my voice to my children, probably because my father used to raise his voice to me and I remember just how effective it was. Now my grandaughter witnesses the yelling out in public and she'll whisper to her dad, "why are they yelling? are the children hard of hearing?" Out of the mouths of babes...

If ever there was a time for a laugh react on Steemit...

For me, I change my tone. Normally I'm very friendly and happy answering questions, but once my daughter, who's almost five, starts testing her limits, my tone becomes very impersonal and stern. It's like a switch goes off, like you said.

The importance of this cannot be overstated. I've long advocated for raising kids without the use of corporal punishment, from a place of understanding and explanation. Y'know, the way you'd want someone to explain something to you, but while still being firm in my lines and boundaries, as well as my expectations for behavior.

Keeping an even tone, even when you're frustrated as an adult with your child's behavior, is paramount. You're the adult, right? It's your responsibility to act like the adult. Otherwise, like you said, you're just passing it on to the next generation, and they'll learn to do the same thing.

It's your responsibility to act like the adult.

Well said! Thanks!

Awesome man, I love that, and it's true. My kids respond better to suttle nudges than to threats or loud outbursts. Sometimes a simple look is all it takes and they know what they should do. Being blessed with awesome kids helps too.
Also, it helps that when you do have to raise your voice, (they are about to get hurt etc.) it actually catches their attention faster because it is out of the ordinary.

The calm quiet voice, tugging at your heart, isn't always God speaking to you, sometimes it's your earthly father's words, and it's usually the quiet ones that matter the most. I've always felt blessed to have an awesome earthly father, and a heavenly father guiding me.

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