Do You Expect To Fail?

If you do, then you will.

Oh yeah, I know it sounds cliche and "click baity", but if you were expecting me to care, then you are mistaken, and I really hope you were not expecting anything different in this regard.

I sit and listen to meaningful songs, songs that I connect with, songs like this:

I often wonder why songs such as this one harbor so much meaning to me, I can only draw a line in the sand and say: "that is the man futuremind used to be, this is the man futuremind is today, and somewhere floating carelessly out to sea, is the man futuremind wants to be", I guess such a mentality comes bundled with a little expectation... Damn, just can't get away from it!!!

Then the imaginary-friend slips up from behind, slaps the shit out of me, and simply states:

Why so serious futuremind???

source

Put a spell on me baby!

I'm not exactly sure what my imaginary friend looks or sounds like, but I imagine, since she is somewhat imaginary, that she can look and sound however I want. So how about this?

Well, I expect if I get close to my imaginary friend's fire, I might expect to end up in a straight jacket somewhere, so let's lower the expectations a bit shall we?

There must be a point to this post, and there is.. If you are still here with me.

I've come to this radical realization, a realization that everything I have done in this life has come with a set of expectations attached. It's simply the result of being raised improper, if there is such a basis for what is proper and what is not.

I was raised with expectation being the forefront of everything. Every action had extremely disproportionate re-action(s).

This is extremely confusing to a child, and is the basis of a life of questioning everything, which isn't necessarily bad , but it's an effective way to overthink the implications of your action(s).

Simply put, I have gone through life trying to control the outcome over everything I am involved with.

This is not a productive way to live, in my opinion, based off of a living nightmare it has created.

I call it a living nightmare, because to me, it's a nightmare trying to control everything, and realizing you control nothing. What the fuck?

Through the guidance of friends, some introspection, and a nice amount of meditation, I have come to realize that the problem is much worse than I had expected... Go figure..

I've been noticing some patterns with people in my life, some very distinct patterns, patterns of exploitation, with yours truly being the exploited one. There are two dynamics at play:

• I need something.
• Exploiter needs something.

Where the exploitation comes into play, is in order for my need to be fulfilled, their need becomes encumbrance of the fulfillment. Meaning, they know damn well their need will be fulfilled from my need being a factor. How is this exploitation if we both need something?

Because their needs can be fulfilled at any given time if expressed to me, but my needs are only encumbrant upon whether or not I'm needed at the time!

There are of course, two areas I am failing at here.

• Self Reliance.
• EXPECTATION.

There is no way I can express my help to be a selfless act, with no expectation, when I get pissed off and feel hurt by lack of reciprocation. So the only solution I see here, aside from removing expectation completely, (which is proving to be harder than I had imagined) would be to work towards self reliance, to a much higher capacity.

It's hard for me to believe we can go through life completely removing expectation, and need for others in some capacity, because we are, after all, a social animal, this is a fact, but the less you rely on others to fulfill your needs and expectations, the easier and less stress filled your life will become. I truly believe this to be a fact as well.

I'm not so sure I can legitimately see things the future has to offer, but I do believe I have the ability to predict things that may happen, due to inference of variables. It's something I believe I am pretty good at. I've predicted things that are happening today, years ago.. And what led me to see these things? Just simple cause and affect deductions. What does my futuremind tell me? That some people who are hurting me today, will one day regret their actions and behaviors...

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Yet again you expect things to happen...

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☝️She is right..

So let's talk proactive. What am I going to do to work towards self reliance and lowered expectations.

For one I have started this "life log" if you will. I am literally logging every single interaction I have with every single person, with listed times and dates. I know... it might sound a little loon... But there is a methodology to everything I do. During the course of these exploitation expeditions from others, details seemed to get a bit skewed.. I seem to remember things in a different manner than they do, and clearly this is a problem and makes me question my own sanity, so I will log EVERYTHING. Good luck getting the details fucked up now!!!

I've already begun my logging. I have to figure out a way to make it a bit more organized, but it's well under way.

I heard a saying somewhere along the lines (in the military most likely). The saying is:

Inspect, what you expect.

If I cannot remove expectation altogether, then I damn well better start inspecting it!

This is my logic, and it will either backfire, or work to my advantage. I am a problem solver, and I expect believe it will work to my advantage. I play chess too, so maybe... just maybe.. My thinking is logical.

So we have reached the point of this entire post. This was more akin to a futuremind ramble, and maybe a bit different than my normal posting style, but I just went with it. Writing helps me process a bit. I'm not even sure I made sense through the entirety of this post. Maybe I will look back on it and derive some meaning or value from it in the future.

I expect, not many will read it anyways. So there you have it.. Won't give two flying shits if I even get a comment, and that... Is the entire point...

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Much love,
@futuremind

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