Weekend Freewrite December 29 2018 Beast

I feel like a wounded beast today. I've been sick for over three weeks now in a Rheumatoid Arthritis flare. The symptoms change daily or hourly and I thank God no one is here to tell me I am faking this crazy disease. This is why family members give up on their loved ones. No one could have such a strange illness, but we do.

For the last few days I was full of edema and fluids, looking like a puffy freak. I worked hard to get the swelling down and was doing pretty well with it yesterday finally.

Then the pain came on and my hands were burning with hot stabbing knives. I slept and worked on and off all day and made bone broth which should have helped.

Now this morning when I wake up my left upper body is paralyzed with pain. I feel like Quasimodo and I'm hunched over while trying to straighten up. I am in the place where I have to make myself breathe since it hurts when I do.

Old poster from when I first started steeming

Breathe: a lot, heavily, with purpose.

I learned this breathing strategy when I was so sick with my heart. My cardiologist told me to do it. Without good oxygen, everything is worse when you have heart trouble. It hurts, so we do not want to expand out ribs cages.

"Do it anyway."

Then when I lost weight my fitness trainer spent months trying to get me to breathe better while working out. When we are obese, we think breathing hard makes us look fat. Instead it helps us be less fat.

"Do it anyway."

Ok guys, I'm breathing.

There is no way I can go to church. Just putting clothes on will knock me out. I've missed for weeks now and miss it so much. If I had to sit up straight and talk to people right now, I would pass out.

But!

I need to film some dtube videos anyway and will try to look as healthy as I can in 1-3 minutes spurts. Why this is the time I am filming myself is beyond me.

I did a post yesterday for socalsteemit’s weekly contest, MyCalifornia. I decided earlier in the week to gather up my flower photography so I would have something pretty to cheer myself up.

Then I looked at the photos and remembered why I stopped doing them. Everyone else has better flower photos than me, so I quit taking them. The photos have not improved with age for me.

But now people like them, and are giving me nice compliments on the post. This is why I publish on steem. How else would have have people saying nice things to me when I feel so bad?

My post is for the #freewrite daily challenge by @mariannewest. Freewrite is a great way to post on steemit when you do not think you have the time, or talent, or anything to say. It’s a great way to start regular posting on steemit. I know you can do this too! Here is Marianne’s freewrite prompt post for this weekend. Give it a try and surprise yourself.

This is one of the photos I posted in the flower post in a poster I did long ago for tsu. I need to take my own advice.