How open are you about your emotions? Ecotrain question of the week #2

With our writers group ecotrain we try to answer one question a week proposed by one of us. This week is the second question in a series of three about emotions. The first question was: what does it mean to own your emotions.
If you follow this link you will get to all the answers people gave on this question:
https://steemit.com/ecotrain/@eco-alex/ecotrain-question-of-the-week-tie-up-post-what-does-it-mean-to-own-your-emotions

So today I will give my answer to the question: 'How open are you about your emotions?'

Thinking about it, at first I thought I was very open. But then I though, wait a minute, I think I'm being selective in my openness. I have fear of abandonment and therefore have the tendency to please people. I am aware of it so I'm trying my very best to be loyal to myself and it's been going better over the years, but it's still a challenge. It makes me emotional to write about it. Because this for example is something that I wouldn't share openly because it is not very flattering and really touches the core of my challenges here on earth. But I have heard Stacey Aldrigde say in one of her you-tubes that the moment you lose shame of sharing something vulnerable is the moment you have healed it. So here I am sharing and losing bits of shame...

#1. What are the things I do share with people I want to befriend or keep as a friend?

Feelings that make other people feel good about themselves.
Feelings that make me seem less threatening to them, so for example feelings of failure.
Feelings of achievements that will make me attractive in their eyes, but not too many so they will not feel threatened.

#2. But...towards people that trigger my wounding I tend to share very different feelings as they seem like a threat to me.
That would be people that are very outspokenly not considerate with me and walk all over me and then project this inconsideration on to me.

To those people I will NOT share my vulnerabilities, so I will not tell them how I feel hurt.
I will point out exactly what isn't right about the way they treat me.
And give them a speed course in all the blind spots that they have.

So quite the opposite actually to what I show to people who I want to keep as a friend.

#3. Then there is a third category of people I trust completely, these are very few, and even those I only trust completely at some moments and at others not.
To those people when I feel safe I tend to share all of my feelings without censure. The good feelings, but also the feelings of what I am struggling with in that relationship. If it is received well and I am still loved after that that is so very healing to me. Even if what I am saying brings up feelings of discomfort in the other person but they can handle it with an open heart, then I feel very grateful.

If on the other hand it is not received well and the expresion of my feelings has triggered something in the other person and they start projecting on to me then I will quite quickly crawl back in to my shell and start sharing feelings in the way of either nr 1 or nr 2.

I am learning how to keep on loving someone and keep my heart open even if they get triggered. Because I choose to be vulnerable in life that way I can receive all the enjoyments better.

When I can 'be myself' and stop being selective in my openness originating from my fear of abandonment, there can be real connection. I can then still choose to be selective in my openness but now from a point of love for myself and trust in myself. I would then feel in to which things are fruitful to share for the sake of love and my own and our evolution in love and which are not.

Makes sense?

Lots of love
Undrach-Clara

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