How open are you about your emotions? Ecotrain question of the week #2
With our writers group ecotrain we try to answer one question a week proposed by one of us. This week is the second question in a series of three about emotions. The first question was: what does it mean to own your emotions.
If you follow this link you will get to all the answers people gave on this question:
https://steemit.com/ecotrain/@eco-alex/ecotrain-question-of-the-week-tie-up-post-what-does-it-mean-to-own-your-emotions
So today I will give my answer to the question: 'How open are you about your emotions?'
Thinking about it, at first I thought I was very open. But then I though, wait a minute, I think I'm being selective in my openness. I have fear of abandonment and therefore have the tendency to please people. I am aware of it so I'm trying my very best to be loyal to myself and it's been going better over the years, but it's still a challenge. It makes me emotional to write about it. Because this for example is something that I wouldn't share openly because it is not very flattering and really touches the core of my challenges here on earth. But I have heard Stacey Aldrigde say in one of her you-tubes that the moment you lose shame of sharing something vulnerable is the moment you have healed it. So here I am sharing and losing bits of shame...
#1. What are the things I do share with people I want to befriend or keep as a friend?
Feelings that make other people feel good about themselves.
Feelings that make me seem less threatening to them, so for example feelings of failure.
Feelings of achievements that will make me attractive in their eyes, but not too many so they will not feel threatened.
#2. But...towards people that trigger my wounding I tend to share very different feelings as they seem like a threat to me.
That would be people that are very outspokenly not considerate with me and walk all over me and then project this inconsideration on to me.
To those people I will NOT share my vulnerabilities, so I will not tell them how I feel hurt.
I will point out exactly what isn't right about the way they treat me.
And give them a speed course in all the blind spots that they have.
So quite the opposite actually to what I show to people who I want to keep as a friend.
#3. Then there is a third category of people I trust completely, these are very few, and even those I only trust completely at some moments and at others not.
To those people when I feel safe I tend to share all of my feelings without censure. The good feelings, but also the feelings of what I am struggling with in that relationship. If it is received well and I am still loved after that that is so very healing to me. Even if what I am saying brings up feelings of discomfort in the other person but they can handle it with an open heart, then I feel very grateful.
If on the other hand it is not received well and the expresion of my feelings has triggered something in the other person and they start projecting on to me then I will quite quickly crawl back in to my shell and start sharing feelings in the way of either nr 1 or nr 2.
I am learning how to keep on loving someone and keep my heart open even if they get triggered. Because I choose to be vulnerable in life that way I can receive all the enjoyments better.
When I can 'be myself' and stop being selective in my openness originating from my fear of abandonment, there can be real connection. I can then still choose to be selective in my openness but now from a point of love for myself and trust in myself. I would then feel in to which things are fruitful to share for the sake of love and my own and our evolution in love and which are not.
Makes sense?
Lots of love
Undrach-Clara
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xx
It is tricky sometimes, to walk on that thin line and know when to express yourself and in what amount. You seem to figured out that line, good for you. Much love 💚
Thanks xx
its interesting how u considered the way u share with ppl, i find it fascinating, when ppl project their own shit on u, it can be really the worst reaction. I know I can be too open and honest for my own good, im learning to be more selective
Yes,I'm still quite open though but selective for the other, not so much for myself. I'd like to turn that around. Sounds like you also want to be making those choices when to share and when not, for your own good.
Thank You for sharing! It takes courage to stay open and honest when it's scary. 💚
Not to mention the courage to honestly explore the fears that make things scary. 🙂
Hey! Thanks for the comment! Yes open communication does take courage. It is worth the trouble though, don't you think? How is that for you?
There are more answers to this question by other writers if you are interested at @ecotrain <3
I totally agree!!! I've found it both liberating and life changing to start that pattern of real honesty.
Having the courage to question my beliefs, patterns and fears has changed my life completely!
I was a tech exec, now I teach/practice mindfulness in places where life is much tougher than back in Australia. Still loving and learning daily but it's WAAAY easier after the ice was broken... that's why I smiled when I read what you wrote. I'm super grateful knowing how powerful that wisdom you share is. 💚
Thanks again @wombloom, I'll check out @ecotrain
Cool! Where do you teach mindfulness if I may ask?
Sorry for the delayed reply @wombloom.
I've just found the "replies" section... something to be mindful of 😉
I've taught in many places around the world.
Right now I live in Cluj, Romania while stabilising some service projects though I run regular sessions online. I used to tour for workshops too but I'm taking a break from that right now.
I'm consolidating my offerings into a new website here if you'd like to browse: http://ianperic.org
https://steemit.com/christianity/@bible.com/verse-of-the-day-revelation-21-8-niv