Speaking My truth.

At times we hold back, afraid to speak our truth because we may upset or offend people, but if we keep these things, these thoughts inside our heads then where do they go. They just swim around and around and at times turn turn into something else, something that burrows within us and lies dormant until some other idea is thought up of and it all comes rushing back.

We are meant to express ourselves, to let all our ideas and thoughts just flow out.

Are we really what we think?
Do our Thoughts become us?

I used to spend way too long inside my head, over analyzing things, over analyzing other people's reactions to me. Worried about certain things that I said or done. Worried I was never enough, never who they wanted me to be.

here and now
all these thoughts hammering their way into my being
creating caverns that wrap their way around my ideals
shaking me to the core,
breaking open old wounds that continued to fester beneath the surface.
I am left seeking comfort in days long gone,
when innocence was to be found
amongst the tall grass and days where spend creating new identities,
who will I be today
the version of myself that I think you wish to engage with and play
running away, so that I could run into
the deepest darkest parts of me
those places where my tears are held, the many that never got to fall.
All of these parts of me, that continue to break apart
to sink into the hollow, I hold within.
This fight to be, to be me and feel accepted.

It took me a while to be comfortable in my own skin, to meet myself in the eye and smile back at what I saw.
Where did all these insecurities come from, no hold on, I take that back I know exactly where they came from.
These war wounds that make me into who I am today, would I change any of them, would I take back any of those nights I spend feeling so inadequate and alone. When I did not know who I was or had any idea of who I was becoming.
How could I!

I have travelled through the dark, allowing myself to sink down, but never feeling my feet touch the bottom.
At times the darkness greeted me like a friend, where I let myself become wrapped in it's familiar surroundings.

The light and the dark, the many sides of me and all the colours that lie in between. Being so much more than I seem, embracing every part of who I am. Speaking my truth, growing, evolving and transforming.

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