Life takes us on many journeys, it leads us on many different paths, some we walk, fully conscious, fully aware of everything that is happening and other times we walk blindly into the unknown. Each is as important and as educational as the other. Each way helps us to grow, to learn and to become more aware. And then we have those paths that are in-between, where we walk with our eyes and hearts wide open, until we come to an unexpected bend and then we are plunged into the darkness, into the unknown.
When we come face to face with something that upsets us, we are inclined to pull away, to retreat, to run for the hills. It is a natural reaction, a survival instinct, it is a way of protecting ourselves.
But this is a time where we really need to reflect, to listen, it is our body telling us that we need time to process what has happened. This is not a time to isolate ourselves from our emotions. It is not the time to carry on as if nothing has happened. It is the time to embrace the sadness and the pain, we are feeling these emotions for a reason, we are feeling them so intensely, with so much force, that in those moments we feel so alive.
The vibrations that are bodies are giving off, are so intense, are so powerful, that we can sometimes see them surround us especially when we begin to feel rage. Rage fills us up and it is akin to a fire burning inside of us. This emotion can move mountains and mountains of inner turmoil. We need to scream, we need to actively find ways to release it.
Rage is the opportunity to release, to cleanse,
It does not need to be seen as something negative. As long as we are allowing it to pass through us,as long as we are finding ways to express it and to honour it, we can then tap into the power that is held within it. I have felt rage of late, quiet a lot of it actually. It has shook me to my core and opened my eyes up to things that I had ignored. It has made me scream and scream. It has made me cry, cry, until my eyes ached. And at the end of it all, I felt empty. Empty......... Not in a bad way, because in feeling this empty I knew I had released all that I been holding inside of me, all that had weighted me down. My rage has helped me begin to move forward.
I know that there is a fork up ahead and I know that I must choose, but I do not know yet what path I will take. I only know that I am happy to leave behind all that I have shed and that I am now happy to walk forward feeling much lighter.
It is not easy to give into your emotions, it is a lot easier to just ignore them. But if we do that we are ignoring ourselves and pushing ourselves towards new limits. I spend my childhood holding everything in, holding in all my pain and my suffering. Afraid to let it out, afraid of the consequences of doing so. Yes I would run out into the fields and the forest and allow myself to feel safe and at peace. But I would always have to return to the source of my pain. I learnt very well how to hold everything in, how to pretend to be someone I was not. I so wanted to be strong, yet on the inside I was crumbling. But you know what I was strong, I got through all that I needed to, in order to escape to the life I wanted and so badly needed.
Allowing myself to feel, to really feel, allowing everything in my life to flow. This has taken time and devotion, it has taken trust and acceptance. Trust and acceptance in myself. And it is ongoing, everything we learn, everything we relearn is ongoing. We change, I change so much within any given day, being open to change and accepting who we are within those moments are key. I am who I am because I trust myself to make the right decisions.
I am who I am because I accept that this is who I am meant to be, right now in this moment and that is all that matters, this moment right now.