How Much Do You Show Your Emotions to Other People?
This is the @ecotrain question of the week. We are now onto question number 2 in our 3 part series on emotions. Our first question was "What does it mean to own our emotions?”
My initial response to this question was to laugh. I can really answer this rather quickly. I wear all my emotions on my sleeve. All the time. I always have. I’m pretty sure I’m not actually capable of burying them.
From the mouths of babes
However, I was telling my daughter, @sophieharling, who is 16, about the question, and she has quite a different opinion. I’m just going to quote her rather than risk inserting my own thoughts. “I would say not much at all. I mean, you wear your base emotions on your sleeve, like happiness or excitement or anger, but you don’t ever want to tell anyone what’s really going on because you don’t want to trouble anyone.”
Well. Holy shit. I guess she knows me pretty well. This brings up a whole host of questions for me. Is that considered showing my emotions to talk about what is bothering me? It feels more like the underlying trigger, but maybe there’s more to it. I sense that she’s probably talking at least partially about how well I have been known to hide my depression. That’s definitely in the realm of emotion, though my depression is often in response to nothing.
When I am happy, I show my happiness. When I am angry, someone is probably going to hear about it. I allow myself to feel and express these. When I am depressed, though, now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure I actually pretend to be fine. I talk about it on here, but of course I don’t know anyone on steemit in person, and I think that makes a difference.
There is yet another question for me. Is this positive? I mean, what is, is, but is this habit of sharing certain emotions for my highest good? Is my pattern of not sharing certain emotions for my highest good?
As in most things, I think balance is good. I’ve got a pretty hot temper. I’m fairly patient most of the time, but when I’ve reached my end or something triggers me, the heat flares up pretty quickly and at a decent temperature. While I want to allow myself to feel it and see where it’s coming from and use that information, I could stand to take a couple deep breaths before opening my mouth a little more frequently. I could perhaps even bite my tongue on occasion. Not every thought needs to be shared with the world.
It seems obvious to me that the habit of not sharing my deep sadness or troubled heart is not wise. I have so many people who love me so very much. So many people who would help me shift in every way they could. So many who would pick up their shovels and help dig me out. Here again, though, there can definitely be a too much. I noticed after Anthony Bourdain’s suicide that the extended period of focusing on and talking about depression actually sent me into one. I saw it quickly and got out, but I know I have to not share too much or face being totally absorbed in it.
By no means am I saying we should be even-keeled all the time. Maybe that works for some people, but that’s not me. I love the roller coaster. I love feeling the high highs and even the low lows. I don’t want to be a huge drama queen, but I also have no desire to live forever in tranquil mediocrity. I think that’s part of why Buddhism never worked for me. There’s something in there that feels, well, boring. Again, I reckon there’s a balance.
I used to be a huge baseball fan back when I used to have cable. It’s just a really great game. Atlanta had a shortstop back in the day by the name of Jeff Blouser. He was a really smart and down to earth kind of dude. The interviewer was going on and on about what it was like to be a baseball player, and he said, “Look, baseball is what I do. It’s not who I am.” I mention this because someone shared with me recently that remembering depression is a temporary condition and does not define who they are is one of the things that helps them get out of depression.
Our emotions are not who we are. I don’t want to go to deep in the rabbit hole of what it is that makes us who we are because I haven’t nailed down my final answer on that one, but I’m almost certain it’s not our emotions. They are information, and it’s incredibly helpful to see them as such. They often contain very important messages, everything from “your body needs food” to “you’re overextending yourself” or “it is not healthy to be around this person right now.” Feeling the emotion and acknowledging the message is often sufficient to allow the emotion to pass. We can also use this information to help us gauge where we are, and then we can figure out how to shift ourselves to a slightly better feeling emotion. It’s important to not try to make big leaps. You can’t get from despair to joy. It’s not possible. There’s a bunch of steps in between, and we have to take them one at a time.
How about you? Do you share your emotions or process them alone or stuff them all down? What do you think is the best path?
Much love, y’all!
As always, all pics are mine or pixabay unless otherwise noted.
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great response dear. so powerful that your daughter knows you so well!! you've raised a good one!!
i hear you on this. sometimes emotions can get so messy and sharing them isn't always conducive to just getting through life. and yeah, how much can people really help us? sometimes things like depression (in my experience) can be helped by talking about it or sharing, but other times it can feel so pervasive, amorphous and ongoing, it can seem pointless to share it, or burdensome even to focus on it further.
it's a great question and i think however we are with our emotions, it's great to be kind to ourselves in the midst of that and accept and love ourselves <3 great answer!!
What a truly beautiful comment. I so agree that being kind and gentle and accepting is of the utmost importance.
I had to cry after 'From the mouth of babes' because it's so beautiful when someone who really loves you can see through some things. And because it's what I realised when I started thinking of what I would write on this question. I think the key is in there in your own writing... I'll share what I think about it in my post.
She's just an amazing treasure. She's so kind and tuned in. Excited to read your post. I've been off Internet for a couple days but hope to be caught up soon!
Yes, that's also important to be off the internet for a few days...
Without a doubt it is. This time it was sort of unintentional, but it's goid for me all the same. I dont like feeling so behind though.
It's ok.
Always trying to remind myself of that.
I totally understand feeling uncomfortable when thinking about sharing the negative emotions we might be feeling. I have experienced this myself.
It can be difficult because by emotionally isolating us, it becomes harder to let go of those negative emotions, and still we tend to do everything we can to block the expression of this issue.
I have definitely experienced digging the hole deeper. I'm glad I've learned to share more.
i know what you mean about the highs and lows, i also got the hot temper issue too >< i feel u
Its weird. I was totally the opposite when i was little. So even tempered and mellow.
we are so complex, our emotions are just a part of us but yes we are so much more. I am learning all the time how to just be with my emotions, to not hold onto them too long but also to acknowledge them and not ignore them, the balance is what is important, I found this question led me very deep into myself, yet I am not sure I even answered it probably. xxx you are fire I would expect no less, it blazes and yet it can go down to a single amber but it always stays alight xx
It's so good to be seen. I am, indeed, a fireball. The balance is truly everything.