Behavior that Annoys me the most

in ecotrain •  last month

As such I am a very tolerant person. I do not react much to people's behavior. I feel everyone has their own personality and they behave as per their level of exposure to life. But there are still certain behaviors that I absolutely cannot tolerate and the major one of it is Self Sympathy or Self Pity.

There are many people I have come across who display this behavior and very convincingly get their way out in everything. Every single person is going through this life with their set of challenges, it's just that the stages of these challenges that one comes across are different. No one is having an easy way out. Once in a while if we do it then it is fine but regularly if one keeps crying I find it very annoying.

A cousin of mine always used to do this. Whenever I would have a conversation with her she would start with her woes, and honestly they had no base they were just senseless about the regular day to day challenges of life, like managing home, kids and all. And she would keep saying Oh, I have to do everything by myself, I have no help and all, always behaving like "I am the victim". This would happen with her very often. For sometime I used to listen and I would see that whenever I used to give her a lending ear after that I would feel drained out and out of energy, After talking with her I would end up feeling disturbed and irritated. Then one fine day I just had to put a stop to this and I told her very clearly that I do not wish to talk to her anymore cause of her this behavior. It's almost been a year and I have not spoken to her, in a way I feel good.


Source

Nowadays I tell people who do this very bluntly that I am not willing to listen to their woes. If they have a problem, they need to sit and talk and try to sort it out and not keep crying over it all the time. If one does not want to help themselves then no one externally can do anything for them. I am not being insensitive but I do not want to just keep feeling sorry for people who do not wish to help themselves. My dad was bedridden for the last 3 years of his life, but I never saw him complaining about anything. There are people who are facing some hard times in life but they never complain and graciously move on and then there are some who just keep woeing over petty things. These are the people who annoy me the most and I just cannot stand them.

In a way sometimes I find these type of people very smart, because with this behavior they get their way out. People feel sorry for them and then they would try to do something for them. Sometimes people who display this behavior are doing it unknowingly also because it is just out of habit. They see that with the "I am victim mode" chances of getting help is much higher so they keep repeating it in all situations. When life just does not happen the way it is desired then chances of getting into the self sympathy mode is high.

Self Sympathy is nothing but just not wanting to take charge or responsibility of one's own life, One wants to keep putting the blame externally on something or someone but never own it up. We have all come across these type of people, so how do you feel when you talk to them? I am not against showing sympathy towards people but definitely I do no like to entertain these type of people who always try to gain other's sympathy by constantly displaying a behavior of "I am the Victim"

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I also can’t stand people who want to play the victim! I feel like it’s all just a cry for attention and distracts us and desensitizes us to real suffering!

I think that if you want help with something you first have to help yourself before you reach out and ask for help from others

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Yes, that's what I too believe in that you need to help yourself first and then reach out to others. Thank you for sharing your thoughts @chekohler

I have heard it said that what we find offensive or annoying in others is what we dislike or disapprove of in ourselves but can't admit, accept or integrate. Food for thought. :)

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Yes that's what is said in general. As far as I know myself I never share my problems ever with anyone so I am not sure how this fits into my character. May be it can be a deep down burred habit.

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Very true. I think these people are actually caught in a bad circle which makes them feel like the victim and which feeds on this bad energy.
I actually think the best way you can help them is telling them bluntly like you did! In that way they make have a chance to see their own behaviour and get into a more positive one! So really good on you to just say it straight out! I don't always have to balls to do that!