RE: What is Patriarchy: a society led by men or a society led by fear and a feeling of scarcity which happens to be an environment in which the masculine takes charge?
this is so good and i saved yours to read until last because i knew you also grew up in the church and that you'd have some interesting things to say because of that. i feel like those of us who grow up in the church, if we start to see it for what it is, really have a strong reaction to this because we were so heavily imprinted with it when we were young. for me, i've moved through a lot of anger and rage around these subjects and feel very similarly to you. we need a complete dismantling of the system... not integrating into it in any way...embrace that cauldron and live around the men who love you for that.
In truth toxic masculinity damages everyone, but I have to say here that listening to a ton of focus on how toxic masculinity harms men too irritates me, and it points right to patriarchy. Women have been oppressed and abused as long as there have been humans, but in order to get the attention it deserves, we have to talk about how it affects the poor men of the world.
hahaha interestingly enough this is a large portion of the approach i took in writing this QOTW. you'll have to read mine (if you want) and let me know if it irritates you. i wrote it with the consciousness in mind that i was centering them, which is itself a part of patriarchy...
but truly, like you said when you went to the blogs and the men were all butthurt and writing things that point to the fact that they clearly don't get it... i realize that my deep fire so much wants to smash the patriarchy (and i have that energy, too), but i know that they can't hear that. and, yes it's catering to them, but how can anything change if they don't hear?
to me, it is still fighting fire with fire if we don't help them understand. and i'll say, in my real life, i am much less catering and just go about my business surrounding myself with people who support women, but i guess something about the steemit audience brought that out in me. perhaps many people who read it have never thought about patriarch? anyway, i think a lot of men (and women) just shut their ears off when they hear the subject.... which is too too bad, cuz it will take all of us to shift the tides.
until then, i believe we need to prioritize women over men.. i totally toned down my true beliefs to hopefully reach more ears, but whatever. loved your take on it and would love to sit down in person sometime to chat it up on this topic and so many more! ;)
Oooh yes the church. The dark bastion of patriarchy and capitalism all swirled together with guilt, shame, abuse, hypocrisy, and total dismantling of the actual teachings. I was crazy angry when all that started to crumble for me. I couldn't stand the thought of it. Then I made peace with it. Mostly by singing a lot of the old gospel songs I love. His Eye is on the Sparrow is one of my favorite songs of all time. DEfinitely my favorite gospel. My boy, anarchyandbread, made such a beautiful comment, and I realized how glad I am to be raising boys who feel that way. I always say I have done some woman a great service by raising that wonderful human. That's how I surround myself with men who appreciate women. I raise them ;D
I am looking forward to reading all the posts today. I didn't want to read before I wrote, and we spent yesterday in town. I always love what you write, and I doubt it will irritate me. It usually only irritates me when men say it. "What about me?!" Smells a lot like "All lives matter!" I understand what women are doing with that point. It is definitely wise to use a message that can be heard by the ones who need to hear it most.
I think maybe it's a part of getting older? I remember my mom telling me that at a certain point she started getting more straightforward and less apologetic. My mom is super duper feisty. And I think that's happening to me. Maybe I'm entering menopause? I'm tired of a whole host of shit, especially the invisible, emotional labor of having to explain patriarchy to those who refuse to understand. And I'm tired of the emotion police telling me to not be so angry. Like I said, I know it's not really helpful in forwarding the cause. It's just where I'm at, and maybe it helps in a certain way that some of us are here getting loud. You're right that it's fighting fire with fire. Intellectually I can understand that it's not the best way, but practically I don't seem to be able to put out the fire. Some days I feel better than others. It seems to come and go in phases.
I do think we will hit the hundredth monkey pretty soon. The fight is always the last stage before the shift, and I think so many more people are aware now. I'd love to sit down in person too. Not sure when we will be back in the states. Maybe you want a Belize vacation?
haha a belize vacation sounds great! my aunt always talks highly of her trips there! not this year, but perhaps some day.
totally hear you with that's just where you're at!! i think at a certain point we just get so fed up, we can't do any more laboring for them anymore. i go back and forth and after reading all of the posts (i too chose to write mine before reading them), i was so fired up and i realized how rational mine was haha! that's cool- as that's part of it, too, but already i can feel myself getting fired up again about it all...
anyway, go YOU for raising such an awesome guy. some woman someday will definitely thank you! the world thanks you! it's so rare for a man to be emotionally literate in a healthy way... what a sad fact that is... but men who value and can relate to women, while maintaining themselves, dude, i think that is so cool!
and i totally agree that it gets loud! i did liken it to white supremacy in my post as all of this sh*t is connected. at this point, i can't even stomach black people doing emotional labor for white people who say "all lives matter" eee gadddz!! sad thing is, it seems most men can't hear anything about patriarchy. it's like automatic shutdown-- what's up with that?
anyway, have a great (whatever time of day it is for you) and a great weekend! <3
It's a lovely place to visit!
My boy is such a treasure of a human. I'm incredibly grateful he picked me as his mom. He has always been so kind with such a powerful sense of justice.
A few months ago I joined a group on Facebook called United Front White Allies. I have learned a lot, and I go back and forth between battling people and feeling like it's futile. What I really get tired of is the whole "but it's not me. I'm a good guy." I just don't see us getting anywhere without acknowledging that we're all a part of it.
Ahhhh, anyway! It's really good to focus on the future we want to see where none of this exists and we live in balance celebrating our differences and our sameness.