Breast is Best, But Here's Why We Shouldn't Judge ~ Doing What's Best For Baby

in #ecotrain6 years ago

It's been nearly a year since my youngest self- weaned from my breast. He decided that he had drank all my milk and would rather cuddles at bedtime instead. It was a beautiful experience to be able to give my boys their nourishment in the most natural way possible. But it wasn't always this easy.

My breastfeeding journey began on January 21st 2013 with the birth of my first son. It was a struggle but I was determined to keep going. I didn't want to feed him any other way. I was also trying to compensate for not feeding my girls and felt that there was no other option for me than to persist with it. I overcame some serious hurdles, which many moms tend to give up on and turn to formula, which is why I wanted to share my story with you.

But first let me take you back to the year 2000, following the birth of my first child...

It seems like yesterday and I can't believe she's going to be 18 next month. I was a young and naive 21 year old when I gave birth to her. At that time, there wasn't much push to encourage women to breastfeed their babies. I believe that even if I had wanted to, I probably would have been completely in the dark and had very little support from both health professionals and family members alike. My parents are from the baby boomer generation and consider breastfeeding to be unnatural.

UNNATURAL??? REALLY?!

How is it that somewhere between the end of the second world war and the start of the 21st Century we decided to become the ONLY mammals on the planet that chose to use another mammal's milk to feed our children?????

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Fast forward 4 years to around the time of my pregnancy with my 2nd daughter. People's attitude towards breastfeeding were changing and I wanted to be on that transtition team. It felt natural and instinctual to want to feed my child from my breast. The milk that my body had worked so hard to produce, magically making the exact nutrients tailored to what she needed.
Unfortunately my circumstances were such that I was unable to breastfeed her. Their dad, my then partner was emotionally abusive and controlling. What he said went and there was no way I could argue with him. He told me that the thought of breastfeeding was disgusting and he didn't want "some baby" sucking on HIS boobs.
I truly believe this is what triggered my post natal depression. I guess I am more fortunate than some in that I knew it was this that was causing how I felt and was able to get the help I needed. (Which for me was just having someone to talk to, thankfully I didn't want nor need medication to treat my symptoms).

My former mother~ in~ law once told me that I hadn't bonded with my girls.

I don't believe this but I can see why she thought so. I don't think she realized quite how her son controlled me, even to the point of having cuddle time with those beautiful babies. She saw what she saw when she came to visit us and much of that was appeasing the biggest baby in the house. HER SON. So yeah naturally I guess in some respect I did perhaps neglect their emotional needs to put him first. But one thing I know for certain. I DID bond with these two amazing human beings.

I think you just fall in love with your children from the moment you are aware they are growing inside you. That kind of bond can't be denied any mother.

I've always been very intuitive and each time I have fallen pregnant, my inner voice has told me before any pregnancy test confirmed it.

So fast forward to 2012, I'm with my current partner, and find myself pregnant again. With a beautiful baby boy. I was determined to breastfeed. I was a little scared and wanted to make sure I did it properly. Has society really bred out our natural instincts so far that we have to re-learn something that is mean to be a natural experience?

For me yes. I'd never been around anyone that breastfed. I remember worrying about whether I would be able to do this. I wasn't sure how to prepare but wanted to trust my body to be able to do what it needed to do.
Unfortunately it wasn't easy. I had a relatively quick and easy birth. No painkillers and I can't do gas and air. When he was delivered he lay on my belly and we had snuggles, he then latched and began to feed. It was a little painful but I just assumed that that was normal.
We left the hospital later that day.( Yes I did want a home birth but the doctors didn't want to agree to it in case of complications.)
3 days later, it's 3 am I'm in agony trying to feed my baby boy. My breasts are swollen and every suckle brings excruciating pain.

I remember sitting on the bed thinking I was a complete failure. Sobbing my heart out worrying about having to give my precious boy formula.

My intuition told me there had to be something wrong but my head was just saying that I'm a wuss who can't handle pain. UM... hang on the woman that just gave birth to a 7 lb baby without any pain relief can't handle the most natural experience in the world? It was this thinking and the self berating of failing at breastfeeding that led me to ask my midwife, who was also a breastfeeding advocate, for help.
It turned out that the little dude had tongue tie. Because the flap of skin under the tongue that keeps it in the mouth was shorter than normal, meant that he was unable to latch on correctly causing him to only be able to get the fore milk, not only that it has been known to be a common factor in speech impediments as children grow.
Thankfully my midwife referred us to the hospital for my son to have a very simple procedure. It was a little distressing to see but the best part about it was the moment he latched to my breast afterwards, there was no pain and he fed and kept feeding for the longest he had since he was born.
The hardest decision I had to make while waiting ten days for this appointment was having to supplement my precious baby boy with formula. The major brands had changed a lot since my girls were born. I was also conscious of the fact that there were alternatives out there but they were beyond my price range at the time.
However the dilemma I had was that my baby needed nourishment. So after much deliberation I resolved to give him the best and most natural formula I could find, pump as much as was humanly possible. (My boobs only seemed to hold a maximum of 4 oz per expression session).
Over the next three months I read as much as I could to learn how to get this breastfeeding thing right. I tried supplements like Milk Thistle and More Milk Plus, fenugreek and just added loads of milk enhancing foods to my diet.
I spent days laying in bed constantly nursing as I had read that the more you feed, the more you produce.
It was slightly stressful but I was determined not to be beaten and my goal was to have him off the formula as soon as possible. It worked. By almost 5 months old he was back to being exclusively breast fed.
I was so happy. He started eating real food at about 6 months. His favorite was avocado and living in Mexico at the time was a blessing as avocados are really expensive in the UK. Still he boobed up until 14 months. I wasn't really sure how we were supposed to end this period but I was put under a little pressure from friends and family who were concerned that he was still boobing too much. Especially my own mother who expressed her disgust of me breastfeeding my baby. I guess I caved in to pressure and stopped short than he really needed me to feed him. I felt a bit shit for doing that but was also grateful for the time that we had to bond in this way.


Unashamedly nursing in public in Tulum, Mexico

So then came Bean. His birth wasn't easy. He was breech, I had to have a c-section, which was a shock to my system as I had planned in my head a natural beautiful home-birth surrounded by meditation music and lots of love. Oh @trucklife-family, how I wish I had known you 3 and half years ago, I would have enlisted your help for that natural birth I so desperately wanted. I guess the universe had other plans for me. It taught me that my pain threshold is really quite high. I refused morphine for the pain and opted for healing meditation music and plenty of rest.
Breastfeeding came easy with this little dude and from the onset he powered up like a champ. He always seemed so satisfied after every feed and was such a chilled out little dude.


Little bean at age 3 months

So what have I learned from my experiences?

Given the choice, I would always chose breast over bottle. However my experiences have taught me that there are circumstances that lead us to make the choices we do. As mothers we want to provide the very best for our children and we never intend to hurt them. Therefore whatever choices we make we should not be judged.

Keeping things as natural as possible and avoiding GMO's, fluoride and other toxins when bottle feeding.

The best advice I can give any expectant mother is to always look at your options and circumstances. Do your research. Many formula brands in the US contain GMO ingredients. There are natural alternatives out there. You can even ask your local La Leche League about donated breast milk. Yes it's a thing. Some women are blessed with the gift of an overabundant supply of milk. Many of these beautiful souls spend hours pumping and carefully storing their liquid gold to give to others.

...and please remember, be gentle on yourself. We know we love our littles and want to do what's best for them. Do what you feel is best and take sound advice from thse who have experience. Don't give in to pressure from those that want to judge you on the opposite spectrum of how you choose to feed your baby.

~ONE LOVE~

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This is the greatest gift God granted to every mum. It is so natural and beneficial.

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Beautiful post @holisticmom. It's great you were able to experience it. My daughter would not open her mouth. Even with the specialist at the hospital helping me, we couldn't get her to open her mouth. After 4 days I was talked into giving up :(

With my son, my postpartum depression was so severe I was put on medication immediately. Null and void any possible attempt to breastfeed :( Which made matters much worse because then that was twice I had failed and not even given the chance the 2nd time.

Thank you @tryskele. It wasn't easy and I really do believe that had I not felt so strongly about sticking to breastfeeding and hadn't been through the PND with my daughter I probably would have given up too.
I'm sorry you never got the chance to experience it but know that you didn't fail. You did the best you could in the situation you found yourself. Big love to you xxx

Thanks :) I know I have 2 wonderful kids (adults now ugh) I have a great relationship with both, they've become what I have hoped for them. Hoping a little more for my son LOL. As for the people they have become, I couldn't be more proud. That's what it's all about. So I missed out on that part, I now tease my daughter about it a bit. She can be a bit of a loud mouth, I just sit back and laugh. "What's so funny?" "No wonder you wouldn't open your mouth to feed when you were born, you were waiting until you got older so the whole world could hear you." I still have great memories.

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thank you sharing this with us all,breastfeeding can be really difficult for so many mothers, I found it difficult with all my 3 at the start but I was adamant to continue. My 2 eldest fed till they were 3 and my youngest is only 15 months now so happy to continue until she says so. As mothers we need to support one another and not put pressure on others or ourselves, we all have our journeys.
thank you for the call out, I am very happy to have met you now and as you said it all happened that way for a reason, Much love beautiful mama xx xx

As mothers we need to support one another and not put pressure on others or ourselves, we all have our journeys.

spot on lovely lady! I admire you for continuing to breastfeed for 3 years. It really is up to the littles when they decide to wean and kudos to you for being able to do that. <3
Haha yes, I remember reading about Doulas about 2 months after my youngest was born and wished I had known someone who could have been there. I'm super grateful to know you now too. One of the beautiful things about Steemit is connecting with like minded individuals. :-) Lots of love to you too beautiful mama <3 xxxx

What an incredible journey @holisticmom. Well done on overcoming the challenges and aversion. Breast is best although you raised your girls the best that you were able at the time, considering the opposition. Your children are gorgeous

Thank you for your kind words @buckaroo. xx

he didn't want "some baby" sucking on HIS boobs.

wow that is very possessive in my opinion, besides, that "some baby" is his own daughter, what was wrong with that guy?

I know but I've forgiven him for everything. Time and distance are great healers. It's not uncommon in the UK for many men to think that way. Societal disrespect for women and objectifying is a common occurance.

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Such a wonderful post and thank you for sharing your personal experience. I know my sisters both had a lot of issues breast feeding their first born. I watched them struggle and cried because I think most moms want the best for their babies. I was quite proud of my younger sister for not caring about what others might say. She breast fed her younger baby all the way till he was almost three. I know most people say what the hell, but this is the reason she has such a bond with her son. He is also the healthiest baby/kid I know. Breast milk has everything a human baby needs. It is the best nourishment for babies.

I am glad you left your ex. Sounds like a horrible human being. Your little bean is so precious. Just looking at that photo made me smile.

Aww thank you beautiful. Well done to your sisters! I think it is beautiful that your younger sister was able to fee her baby for so long. I really do believe that everyone's journey is special and unique experience. Well done to her for not caving in to pressure from others!
As for the ex, I'm glad too. Bean is a gorgeous wild child now! I'm glad his baby photo made you smile! :-) xxx

I love my mom. Thank you for this lovely post.cry.gif

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