Hiding Verses: Not All Men
This was a really good one to read in my closet. I am a survivor of sexual assault. I wrote this when I was feeling very tired of being told not all men are the same. I know that. I know not all men are predators, but that statement is so incredibly unhelpful to a woman who is in pain because she has repeatedly suffered at the hands of multiple men.
I was assaulted by men I thought were friends, men who were neighbors, young men whose faces I never saw because they groped me or reached into my pants while passing in crowded hallways, taking their pleasure while shouting slurs and laughing together with their friends.
Women are allowed to feel hurt and angry. When we speak up, it does not mean we are talking about "all men" even when we are talking about the standards for male culture and toxic masculinity. Until we allow women to speak up without being silenced, it will continue to feel like it is all men, and many women as well.
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it's very sad that these things happen
why destroy a woman?
meat of my flesh
my rib
if of all my reflections, she is the sharpest
Oh world ... incubator of monsters
Wow, very powerful verse. Tragic in it's message, but beautifully penned. Well played.
Thank you
<3
As a man, and a man who spends a lot of time thinking about how men are, I read around a lot about this topic. And I have learned to stop saying "not all men", because I understand how it sounds when we are discussing the way men can be.
You know, this is a male privilege thing, and this is where the confusion develops. Men do not grow up being objectified and harassed, so we lack empathy, and when someone who had a lifetime of objectification and harassment isn't entirely circumspect with the language that they use, there is no need to point that out. And the need to point it out demonstrates how precious men can be.
You may have implied I might be like that Versus systematic harassment and abuse...it's a no contest and a no brainer.
This comment is A+ in importance to me. Thank you for choosing honesty and humility via compassion.
I appreciate that - really - but you don't owe me any thanks.
If the political climate (not just the #metoo thing, but it is a big part of it right now) right now demonstrates anything, it is that there is too much divisiveness, too many people viewing the world as "us" and "them".
Why wouldn't I want women to be treated with respect? I have a wife, a daughter and a mother, not to mention countless friends that I love dearly. I am utterly ashamed to be a man sometimes, and I think we have finally reached a tipping point.
Anyway, please keep up the good work, and thanks for the interaction. Means a lot to a newbie.
It is really tragic that so often, members of groups that are being highlighted for the behavior of too many fail to listen to the pain or rally to support the wounded, but instead choose to become defensive. Dismissing the argument, or at least trivializing the arguer, they hide behind the very true, but irrelevant statement that "we aren't all like that." Truth is, we police our own. In a church, the focus should not be the outsider's behavior, but that of the attendee. For demographic groups, if there is known to be fear, or trepidation, or hatred toward your group because of the few... how easy should it be to stand with the oppressed and root out the cancer. "It's not all of us" is the battle cry of the apathetic. It's an excuse to self justify non participation in very serious issues. There are pathetic young people populating our colleges and universities who think it's cute to paint racist remarks on things to hurt others. Or even to actively harass other students who are different. Of freaking course it's not "all," but if no one stands up against these behaviors, then they are encouraged. It is hard for the one being bullied to stand up, especially when they can't readily identify those who are with them vs. those who are against them. Racism, sexism, and other "ism's" don't often come with overt physical characteristics. Yes, the punk with the swastika on his head may deserve some watching, but many of these filth bags are clean cut wearing tie and blazer, while some of the most sympathetic and kind dress alternatively. Truth is, we're all afraid of bullies. The victims have been tormented. And the good people choose not to get involved because conflict is not as much in their nature as in those who actively pursue a path of hate. But if we speak out. If we are vocal with our despite of evil, then won't we begin to form alliances. Won't we realize that these weak and pathetic haters are in the minority. Won't we then have the strength of a community so no one has to be victimized? So maybe we need to stop patting ourselves on the back because we haven't raped anyone. Or because we don't use racially insensitive words. That's a very good starting point, but it's just not enough. Let's be overt with celebrating diversity and caring for those who are in positions of vulnerability. Let's be loud and obvious with our affection for others. Let's let our sparks unite into a flame that burns out the necrotic tissue of our society. Let's accept that when people talk in generalities, they are typically well aware that it's not all people of any group, but that it's simply enough that being around anyone in that group makes them uncomfortable. If we want to save our group's reputation, then we need to leave it for a bigger, more inclusive population. The more we cling to any social identity that is associated with poisonous behavior, the more we shelter those who need to be drug into the public square and eliminated. Don't let pride in what we identify as, whatever that might be, blind us to the problems that are attributed to such identities and beguile us into inaction.
This:
and this:
You couldn't have spoken any better. Thank you.
That was powerful and on point, and very well read as well.
Thank you. <3
So many truths that I never found the words to articulate. Powerful.
<3
Very powerful and true @shawnamawna, women need to feel supported and safe went they open up. Creating these safe spaces is so important, where there is no judgement only honesty and love. How she describes her pain, is her own and not for someone else to pick at and devalue.
Thank you @trucklife-family. Beautifully. put.