How to Help a Child Cope With Worry
“Mummy, I am worried about the future” is what my 7-year-old daughter came to me with last night.
She was worried that library at school would be shut again and that the teacher would ‘forget’ about her reading test again.
And no matter what advice I gave, she said no that won’t work and refused point blank to listen.
I ended up telling her that it was completely up to her what she worried about, no-one else could help her with that, but if she listened she might find out ways to deal with the worry, that might help.
There was a lot of tears and in end, she went off and came back and told me from tomorrow she was going to try hard not to let things worry her and that she will listen to any advice I can give.
So I thought I’d better get researching some advice, so I can help her see herself as the wonderfully bright and intelligent child she is…
Here are my findings:
Separate Emotion from Words
Instead of concentrating on the words that she is saying, I need to concentrate on the emotions that are felt and separate the two, so they are not related to her feelings of self-worth.
Particularly things like frustration, as she hasn’t ridden on her bike for a while and kept falling off. Now in the garden, we only have a little bit of decking, barely big enough to swing a cat and she came in saying she was going to give up on exercise and going outside forever.
In this case, it was just words and venting, but finding ways of managing emotions is a key factor here.
Negative Self Talk is often Fear Related
Try to think about things that your child might be frightened of when she says things like “I’m stupid”, or “I’m worried about the future” and don’t be afraid to talk openly about these feelings, rather than pushing them to the back of your mind.
Seeing Things from Another Point of View
Trying to come at things from a different perspective, even making it funny - how would a pirate or cowboy or a guinea pig deal with the situation? Role-playing a situation can really help.
Try to Create a Growth Mindset
Your children are not too young to set goals, think about things like riding a bike, reading a book. Help your child be resilient and meet that goal, even with failures along the way, talk about them, celebrate successes and create new goals and help each other reach them.
Tell Them That You Love Them No Matter What
I do okay at this one.
I need to implement some of the above strategies too and be just a little more patient and understanding, as I spent most of my teenage years holed up in my room (but at least I was not out there drinking and whatever other things I could have got up to), thinking nobody understood. I don't want history repeating itself.
Note: Images from Pixabay.
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I think she is a pretty smart girl if she is now already worrying about the future, she is still so young! But it is great that you try to talk honestly about it, and accept her feelings. I think a lot of parents forget that and that makes the kids less honest I guess. You are a great mom!
Love,
Sha
We finally got to address the library situation at school this morning, after tears the last 4 nights. She just loves to read what more can I say.
Thats great to hear and I think it melts your heart a little! Good job!
I just got married and so don't have children yet. I am a teacher though so this truly is quite relevant to my work. Working with young children requires a delicate touch and an ear for emotional triggers of fear and self-doubt. I can relate to this post wholeheartedly. It's not quite the same as raising a child but I play a major role in that process.
I can tell you that you are doing the best you can and it is more than enough. Just showing your daughter that you are willing to really listen and advice her the best way to can means a lot to her. She knows she has a loving, attentive and caring mother. That alone will help her keep to the right path value herself as her mother values her.
Thank you @solomonsel, I try, I don't always get it right, but look to do different things, till something works.
It's my pleasure. When they've all grown up they'll remember your efforts and approach you more for them. Children these days easily forget about their pasts
Glad that you have such a article.
As a child, I also have lots of worries.
Worry that i cannot pass the test and land myself poor.
All sought of fearful thoughts land in me.
I fear that i live alone in the lonely sea of strangers.
And could not live up to stress and pressure.
But lucky people like you came by.
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Thank you Helen Doherty and Steemit.
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Happy Prosperous Year.
She does get upset when she doesn't get 100% also.
Many thanks for a very supportive post for parents with children who have all kinds of worries nowadays. As grandparents we worry about our grand daughter Chloe who suffers from a mild form of Turners Syndrome. She is introverted and lacks confidence so your post will help our daughter to find different ways to support her. Thank you
It looks like worrying is an epidemic.
That's for sharing this it was very helpful and a valuable post :)
Thank you.
I think it's great you are trying to help your child curb her worry problem so it doesn't follow her into adulthood.
I have a worry problem and worry over the littlest of things. It's no fun at all. Trying to stop it in adulthood is a bit hard too.
I hope your daughter gets to overcome hers.
I don't know if I am fighting a losing battle here or not, if worrying is genetic, then what is the answer - justy finding good ways to manage it.
This is a very sensitive stage of her life.....she's lucky, she has a wonder woman...@hopehuggs
you can say that again @sheriffakin
Thank you. I do my best.
I get so much more out of your post when you read them like them. Love it. I love how you should hear how they feel rather that listen to their words. Thank you. This will help me with Owen and Oliver and soon baby sister.
I will try and read a few more out, just for you. No, I want to add more video and audio to the mix. It is good to share things like this, because it has to be pretty common.
That's the comments of @thedarkhorse on a post by @tarazkp. Its good to let your child knows that how we look at things affect us much more that the outcome of the event itself.
yes, I do this on the way to school sometimes, it is up to them whether they have a 'good' day or a 'bad' day at school and how they respond to certain things that happen during the day.
It's important to help a child get in the right mindset early on, so they can learn to cope with fear later. Looks like you are doing the right things!
She is stubborn, turns out when a teacher tells her something she finally believes it.