Apparently you people like to save money. Well guess what, ME TOO! I hate spending my hard earned cash for overpriced things that I could get just as easily get with a little know-how and the ability to google stuff. Robot armies don't pay for themselves (yet) so I gotta save where I can! To do this, I've found the secret of using unicorn glitter and a few other ingredients to make a marvel of modern chemistry!

I'm going to share this bit of that know-how that's saved me about 150-200 bucks a year, by teaching you how to make laundry detergent. Not just plain-ol laundry soap though, I'm gonna give you the secret recipe to my own special ULTIMATE LAUNDRY SOAPSTUFF. Instead of spending 15-20 bucks a month or more on that nicely colored slime that goes in the washing machine, we're gonna make a big giant jug of that stuff for pennies a load, depending on how fancy you want to get.

If you feel like being knowledgeable about what goes into your washer, keep going, otherwise just skip the block quotes and go straight to the DIY part if you don't really care what chemicals are on your clothes and don't mind deferring to my judgement.

But that's not all! At the end of the DIY portion, ingredients lists for four DIFFERENT kinds of detergents, including a liquid version, are included FREE OF CHARGE!*
^{*Separate shipping and handling charges may apply.}

Chemistry And What's In Popular Detergents

OxyClean is primarily sodium percarbonate (about 65% according to wikipedia), which is a fancy way of saying hydrogen peroxide crystalized with soda ash. In warm water, sodium percarbonate breaks down into hydrogen peroxide and soda ash, and the hydrogen peroxide breaks down into oxygen and water. This is the oxidizing agent that allows you to call your product a "color safe bleach". Since OxyClean is a brand name, I generally wouldn't be buying that crap and instead, get the raw chemical from a supplier. I generally use amazon because free shipping that's why, but you could prolly save a few cents more if you know a reputable pool chemical supply place that's willing to cut you a deal. Unfortunately, my supplier is out at the moment, but so is my soap tin, so instead of waiting for shipping I went ahead and got a small tub of the cheapest brand stuff to get me by until my supplier restocks. Anything with sodium percarbonate as the first ingredient (meaning highest content). This is going to be the most expensive part of the laundry soap, and will ONLY work in the dry version, since it reacts with water. But if you want the ULTIMATE soap, you'll go ahead and stock up. 10lbs comes out to around 20 bucks.

Next up, let's take a look at Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda. Main ingredient? Sodium carbonate, a close cousin to the stuff in OxyClean. In fact, it makes up the other 35% of primary ingredients in the stuff. This stuff's magical chemistry is that it bonds with all the junk in hard water, like metal ions and and calcium. This means that your soap can do more work cleaning the dirt off your gym socks and less time cleaning the water itself. Now, depending on where you live, it's sometimes actually CHEAPER to get the brand here. It's in the laundry isle, and you've probably seen it a million times on the bottom shelf but had no idea what it was. Otherwise, you can hit up amazon, and do your own math to see which one will save you more per oz.

While you're checking out the washing soda, this box is probably right next to it. Borax! Boo-ya, Sodium Borate is a salt of boric acid. It too, like the sodium carbonate, will help soften water and allow your soap to do it's job. Who doesn't want their clothes washed in the softest, most cuddly water ever? Go ahead and pick a box of this up if you're already in the store, otherwise, keep adding stuff to your amazon cart.

Okay, but what does the CLEANING in all of this? Well, technically, we have quite a bit of cleaning agents so far, but I get your point, where's the actual SOAP eh? I'll be using Fels-Naptha. We're gonna skip some of the chemistry here, and just say that it's got your lye and tallow and all the good stuff that allows soap to take out oil and dirt. Stock up on this stuff wherever it's cheap, but dont pay more than about a buck or so a bar.

Bonus ULTIMATE SOAP smell-good-stuffs. Ok, so here's a bit of a deviation. I used the "Boring Soap" and "Boring Liquid Soap" recipes below for a number of years and it worked just fine. But the lady of the house wanted a little extra UMPH to our laundry, something that smelled fresh. Not content to just use our batch of Dryer Balls from Mars, I started adding some of these scented wash pellets to the mix. Currently we're using Downy Unstopables "lush" scented pellets. This stuff just smells nice folks, but if you too need to help convince your significant other that your mad science experiment is doing good for your laundry and NOT just part of some plan to conquer the universe, consider this stuff the unicorn glitter that you'll be adding to the mix. If you can live without it, be my guest and save a couple bucks.

I'm Done Learning Teacher-man, Let's Make This Stuff!

I'll be showing the steps for a double-batch of the ULTIMATE LAUNDRY SOAPSTUFF (full ingredients list at the bottom of the page).

First, get all your ingredients out!

Alright! Let's do the hardest part first, literally. Fels-Naptha is a brick of high-power soapstuff. I suggest taking it out of it's quaint little wrapper, and chopping it up into some sizeable chunks.

Toss these in a blender or run it through a food processor until you have a fine yellow powder. If you have no suitable electronics, you can get the same effect with a cheese grater.

DON'T OPEN IT RIGHT AWAY! Let the fine mist settle a little bit before you crack it open, unless you want your eyes and nose to sting. Ever get a little shampoo in your eyes? It's like that only a cloud that hovers around, follows you, and attacks your eyes like a million nanotech bee's with a grudge against your optic nerve. Be smart, measure out your other ingredients while the storm of tears relaxes to the bottom of your blender for a minute.

Once measured, gently pour it out into the final container. Measure out the oxy color safe bleachy-stuff of choice, and go ahead and open up your soap. If you've done what I've done and got a brand name, guess what! Tiny measuring scoop! Perfect for measuring out laundry loads.

Now add the unicorn glitter (scent booster) and blend again. This time, I was lucky enough to get them to disintegrate and meld with the fels-naptha pretty well.

I went ahead and layered the ingredients to help in mixing. You could use a bowl too, but you'll miss out on the fun part.

SHAKE TO COMBINE THUS IMBUING YOUR UNHOLY CREATION WITH THE STAIN-FIGHTING POWER OF RAW HATRED!

Then, just add the cute little scoop and you're all done!

Ingredients list for FOUR DIFFERENT SOAPSTUFFS!

All of the below recipes are for small batches. Personally, I'm lazy, and will often make double to 4x batches using the below guides. Do whatever's comfortable for you. If you wanna make soap every other week, dreaming of the next time you get to shuffle some chemical salts together, by all means keep to the small batches. This stuff lasts quite a while so long as you keep it in a relatively dry place.

• All of the powdered soaps, including the ULTIMATE LAUNDRY SOAPSTUFF should be used in warm or hot washes to dissolve all of the contents. If you prefer to wash in only cold water, use the boring liquid soap to ensure a proper cleaning.

Ingredients list: Boring Laundry Powder (base soap)
-1 cup Washing Soda
-1 cups Borax
-1 bar Fels-Naptha, powdered
Measure out the above, and mix until combined in like a bowl or something, I'm not your boss here, get WILD! Mix it in a box! Shake it in a bag! The sky's the limit! That's it! When you're done stuff it all in a used coffee container or other suitable storage device. Just make sure you label it properly so you dont make soap water instead of java in the morning. The significant other will not be pleased with your endeavors if they end up drinking the stuff.

• Use 1-2 tablespoons per load. An old plastic coffee scoop will do you well here. 1/2 scoop for normal washes, full scoop for "we will never talk about what happened in these clothes ever again" washes.
• Yield - 50ish normal loads, less is you have a lot of unmentionable experiences you need to remove from your wardrobe.

Ingredient List: Boring Liquid Laundry Detergent (for cold-water washing)
If you absolutely MUST have a slimy mess of soap to glorp forth from your container, then you can cook the boring laundry powder recipe in about 4 cups of water until you have a thick soap sauce, which can be added to 3-4 gallons of water, mixed, and stored in 2-liter soda bottles or leftover laundry detergent bottles, your choice. After a year of making the liquid stuff, I prefer to use the dry powder now.

• Use like you would normal laundry soap, about a quarter of a cup per load.
• If your soup gels into a semi-solid gelatinous monster threatening to take over your laundry room, just mix it with more hot water. If you make a big batch, having some gel up can save space, and when you're ready to use it you just have to heat it up and mix it with more water until the right consistency is achieved.
• Yield - about 60 loads per batch

Ingredients List: Pillowy-Soft Water Booster
-3/4 cup Sodium Percarbonate
-1/4 cup Washing Soda
If you're using the Boring Liquid mix, I still suggest mixing up a batch of water booster. This gives you a nice color-safe bleach additive that you can add to your wash.

• Use 1 tablespoon per load. You don't need to use this stuff with every load of laundry, but it gives an added boost to batches that the liquid stuff alone may not handle as well.
• Yield - 16 loads per batch

Ingredients List: ULTIMATE LAUNDRY SOAPSTUFF
-1 batch of boring laundry powder, as above
-1/2 cup Sodium Percarbonate
-1/2 cup Unicorn Glitter (Downy Unstopables Scent booster)
If you have a really powerful blender or food processor, throw the unicorn glitter in with the fels-naptha to break it up. I haven't been able to powder these wax-coated scent specs, but chopping them up is a good idea to aid in measuring and to help keep the mistress from trying to scoop them out separately as if they were coveted laundry gemstones and thereby neglecting to add any of the actual soap to the wash.

• Use 2 tablespoons per standard load. This stuff will tackle unmentionable loads the same way as ones that would garner standard laundry conversation. Use 1 tablespoon if it's a small load, no sense in wasting it.
• Yield - About 30 loads per batch.

Image Sources
[1], All other images by me