How To Heal Yourself From Disappointment
Thanks to resiliency, we can recover from most of them with little time and effort. We are usually good at bouncing back. But there are some disappointments that get stuck. They hover around like a persistent sadness, and if left unchecked, they will ferment into resentment... and then you'll have an even worse interior state to deal with.
So, if you've got a disappointment you've been carrying around (as I did), read on. I'm going to share with you a way I discovered to free yourself from a deep or long-term disappointment.
What it is.
Disappointment is defined as a "feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations."
How it happens.
Disappointment happens when you place hope outside of yourself, and either put it in the hands of someone else, or in the attachment to an outcome. This is a form of dismemberment. The reason the disappointing person or event keeps coming to your mind is because you have left an aspect of yourself with that person or that outcome-attachment. Your mind and heart want to be whole, so they keep nagging you -- rehearsing the disappointment again and again -- as a prompt to, literally, bring yourself back together.
How to heal from it.
See the disappointment in your mind. Feel it in your body. Identify the person, people or outcome-attachment that you gave your hope to. Reclaim your hope. Reach out your hands, as though you were going to grab your keys or pick up your phone, and take your hope back. You don't have to snatch, or be mean-spirited. Just be confident in knowing that the hope is yours, and it will best serve you by being with you. Not outside of you.
When you do this (and it is done simply, by directed imagination), you are sealing up the leak/crack that got created when you first gave your hope away. Very sensitive people can often feel an internal shift of power as a result of taking their hope back. You won't feel nearly as vulnerable to, or hurt by, the particular person or outcome-attachment because you have gathered and grouped your essence back together, versus having it scattered and entrusted to non-caring scenarios. Your hope is a very important part of your being-ness. Share and spend it with great care.
Do you find this technique useful? Do you have questions or comments about it? I'd love to hear from you.
I originally wrote + published this post on my EmpathicWriter website here.
hi I love this post i will be featuring it today in my daily pick of hidden gems :)
How generous of you! Thanks, @dragonslayer109! :-D
https://steemit.com/life/@dragonslayer109/daily-pick-of-hidden-gems-25 here is where i will be featuring your post
A let down is simply a release of milk from the breast.
Haha, hilarious re-frame, @tedvernon! Thanks for adding lightness to a somber topic. :-)
"Desire is the root of all suffering" as the saying goes. But what then? Shall we desire not to desire? I think you will be disappointed with that as well. Maybe my perspective is strange, but when I'm down, I want to feel that too. Feelings are like energy. They can't really be destroyed, only subverted into something else. If you don't acknowledge and express that sadness, process and digest it, it's just going to come back as something else - and maybe you won't even know why you're sad or angry. Just that bits of this and that were left to fester. In deep down grey dark depths, there are still depths. Ones that I wouldn't bother meddling in otherwise. I farm those out. But stay too long and you wallow in it, and come up with the grime of it worked into you. You're right. Taking heart is a discipline, a mindful choice. Simple but not easy.. I'm trying to learn that balance without falling off the ledge.
"Desire is the root of all suffering" says that all suffering comes from desire, but does not even imply that all desire leads to suffering. So if you want no suffering, choose or accept only desires that do not lead to suffering.
I fall off the ledge ALL THE TIME! Thanks for your thoughtful comment, @immortalpoet.
Couldn't you file this under unrealistic expectations? I tend to think this is when one expects something that another or oneself isn't capable or willing to deliver. At the point of this discovery it could be about re-framing the expectation, communicating the disappointment and asking for help. I suppose that could go on forever if one is stubborn or has allot of willpower.
... or has a lot of love for the other :-)
Excellent points, @mikeonfire! I agree. Managing expectations (both those we have of others, and the ones others have of us) is a huge part of being in relationship with another person. Whether a child, a lover, a client, a friend, a sibling, etc.... all relations have some aspect of this at play. How wonderful then to reach for and practice mature and honest communication.
Creative visualization, developing the skill to control the flow of our thoughts and holding focus on our intention are techniques that can be developed by anyone with an imagination. Each mental accomplishment will build on the ability to embrace who we are and lead us to a stronger sense of self and personal contentment. Nice post!
Beautifully put, @bitshares101! I look forward to hearing a lot more from you :-)
Thank you Erika.. a wonderful article - very informative and uplifting.
Thanks for receiving it, @peoplepower66 :-)
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