Eine stumme Lüge - Terrible lie or powerful truth challenge by freedomtribe

in deutsch •  last month 

Wahrheit und Lüge

For my german readers, please scroll down - die deutsche Version findet ihr unten.

This is my entry to the @freedomtribe challenge:

The question to answer in your entry post is simple: >Tell us about a powerful truth, or a terrible lie.
Art, poetry, video and out-of-the-box answers encouraged.

No art and no poetry - just a story from my life:

English: A silent lie...

Here is my story about a terrible lie. A very special one - a silent lie.

My story tells about a terriblel lie - a special kind of lie: a silent lie. Unfortunately, it was me who was the originator, once keeping silent where I could have prevented injustice. My only excuse: I was still a child.

One evening my younger brother and I sneaked outside through a window and had a lot of fun. When I climbed back I bumped into the thermos jug on the window sill and it broke. Outwardly it was not to be noticed and we went simply fast into bed.

The next day there was a big "thunderstorm". My father was a choleric man, we were always afraid of him when he got loud. He wanted to know who broke the jug and immediately betted on my brother, as he had often broken something out of clumsiness. So my brother got the whole "thunderstorm" without being able to say anything. I was full of fear and not able to confess my misfortune. My brother had to go to the bathroom for a while before he was allowed to go out. I was terribly ashamed.

I became aware of this story again in my early 20s when my brother became mentally ill. My feelings of guilt were great and I thought I was partly to blame for his "illness". So this story caused two terrible moments (and many nights of self-reproach). Sometimes this "silent lie" is still in my mind - telling the truth many years ago would have been easier...

Deutsch: Eine stumme Lüge...

Meine Geschichte erzählt von einer schrecklichen Lüge - einer besonderen Form der Lüge: eine stumme Lüge. Unglücklicher Weise bin ich selbst Urheber, indem ich einmal geschwiegen habe, wo ich Unrecht hätte verhindern können. Meine einzige Entschuldigung: ich war noch ein Kind.

Eines Abends sind mein jüngerer Bruder und ich heimlich durch ein Fenster noch nach draußen geschlichen und hatten eine Menge Spaß. Beim Zurückklettern stieß ich gegen die Thermoskanne auf dem Fensterbrett und diese ging kaputt. Äußerlich war es nicht zu bemerken und wir gingen einfach schnell ins Bett.

Am nächsten Tag gab es ein großes Donnerwetter. Mein Vater war ein Choleriker, vor dem wir immer große Angst hatten, wenn er laut wurde. Er wollte wissen, wer die Kanne kaputt gemacht hat und tippte sofort auf meinen Bruder, da dieser schon oft aus Tollpatschigkeit etwas kaputt gemacht hatte. Mein Bruder bekam also das ganze Gewitter ab, ohne dass er etwas sagen konnte. Ich war voller Angst und nicht in der Lage mein Missgeschick zu gestehen. Mein Bruder musste dann noch eine ganze Weile ins Badezimmer, bevor er wieder raus durfte. Ich habe mich fürchterlich geschämt.

Diese Geschichte wurde mir mit Anfang 20 noch einmal bewusst, als mein Bruder psychisch krank wurde. Meine Schuldgefühle waren groß und ich dachte, ich hätte Mitschuld an seiner "Krankheit". So hat diese Geschichte zwei schreckliche Momente (und viele Nächte mit Selbstvorwürfen) bewirkt. Diese "stumme Lüge" ist immer mal wieder in meinen Gedanken und Gefühlen - die Wahrheit damals wäre einfacher gewesen...

Geholfen haben mir deepl und Leo bei der Übersetzung und pixabay mit dem Foto

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Oh those regrets that we could have made things better, how they carry on!
My hope is that, as you were a child and you realized the suffering caused by you not telling the truth, that you have learned a powerful lesson!
It is very unfortunate that your brother developed "mental illness" and may need some extra love and caring from you to make his future brighter (and your's too if it enables you to let go of that guilt!)
Here's to finding peace and happiness!

Here's to finding peace and happiness!

So it is! The story happened about 50 years ago and no longer causing the feeling of guilt. It was a great lesson and maybe the reason for me becoming a kindergartenteacher ... There is nothing so bad that there isn't a point of good. (My grandfather often told that)
My father is getting wise meanwhile;-) and we have a nice relationship since years. That's life - learning and keep on going!
Thank you for reading and commenting! Greetings from Germany Kadna

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It's funny how those events and lessons in our life can change our path in life! Interesting that yopu became a kindergarten teacher - I work with per-kindergarten!
Love hearing from folks in other parts of the world! I'm from Canada!

Thank you! What does that mean?

I work with per-kindergarten!

Love hearing from Canada folks! I have a small cottage on Cape Breton Island for vacation ;-) I love this place. Funny that we meet us here ;-)

THANK YOU for entering @freedomtribe's TRUTH challenge.

Oh how our childhood lies - and what we perceive to be their consequences - haunt us. Hugs to you. I hope writing about it releases you somehow from the guilt you carry. Resteemed.

Good luck with your entry!!

If you haven't already delegated to @freedomtribe, please consider joining us and receiving regular support for content around our 5 curated tags of #freedom #truth #life #love #happiness

Join us on the Freedom Tribe Discord to learn more!

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Thank you for the hugs, the votes and the resteem!

Oh how our childhood lies - and what we perceive to be their consequences - haunt us.

It has been a long time ago (about 50 years now) and i am fine with it and with my father. But i think it effected on my life for some time. So i chose Kindergartenteacher for my profession, to help children to be understood by the grown up's. ;-) Childhood is a special way to prepare us for life. The positive effects mostly turned of years later...
Thank you for this challenge and i want to know, what you mean by...

If you haven't already delegated to @freedomtribe, please consider joining us

A Delegation? Or the writing for/with these tags?
Greetings from Germany Kadna

Ich gebe dir Recht das es besser gewesen wäre in diesem Moment für deinen Bruder den Rücken grade zu machen, aber es hätte nicht an der Tatsache geändert das er erkrankte - das ist dein Vater - bzw. eure Eltern. Wie alt wart ihr? Ich denke du bist einfach den leichten Weg gegangen dein Bruder den schweren. Wichtig ist das man aus Fehlern lernt und es besser macht. Leider hatte ich auch einen recht Argo und 🍺 Vater und heute hab ich keinen Kontakt-weder zu meinem Bruder noch zu den Eltern. Und es ist gut so!

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  ·  last month (edited)

Mist Partiko- Schon wieder ein Selbstvote... hab ich erst beim Kommentieren gemerkt, da hätte ich mir selbst kommentiert ;-) Danke dir für deine ausführliche Antwort. Mein Vater ist inzwischen ruhiger geworden, war auch kein Alkohol im Spiel. Er ist auch raus aus unserer Familie als ich 10 war und heute - es ist ja gut 50 Jahre her - verstehen wir uns gut. Mit meinem Bruder habe ich so gut wie keinen Kontakt. Danke für deine persönlichen Worte! Lieben Gruß Kadna

Ich dank dir denn wenige Menschen haben den Mut diese Momente zu teilen 👍

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Gerne, alles ist menschlich ;-) Schönen Urlaub!

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Dankeschön

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Das hast du schön gesagt! @kieny LGG

What a terrible burden for you. Of course you had nothing to do with your brother's illness. In all likelihood, you were one of the few allies he could rely on in childhood, one of the few safe places he could check in without anxiety.
Children feel responsible for events that are completely out of their control. You did not make your father choleric. A spilled thermos is not a disaster, but a furious out-of-proportion punishment is a disaster. It is a disaster for a child to constantly fear that such punishment awaits even for trivial offenses. This cloud a child lives under helps to shape worldview.
I speak from experience. I had a 'choleric' father...that is a euphemism. He was horrible. I lived in fear of him. We all did. This certainly contributed to an inordinate cautiousness I evince even today. Of course, having such an unreasonable parent also led me to question authority. For that I am grateful :)
Let yourself off the hook, dear kadna. Your father caused you to tell that minor untruth. Fear of punishment was so great that you were paralyzed into silence.
I hope your brother has weathered his trials well over the years.

Something we share (with a lot of people!): intemperate fathers.

Children feel responsible for events that are completely out of their control.

That is the running point. And btw we learn to look at ourselves to blame at first. That doesn't make sence... Best wishes LGG

Thanks for your thoughtful comment, @gaich. My biggest regrets have to do with my own children. As I grow older, what was done to me matters less than what I have done.
I realize my mistakes as a parent, made from impatience or ignorance.
But I wasn't horrible--just human :)
Have a great day.

Ofcourse you're human!

I realize my mistakes as a parent, made from impatience or ignorance.

We all make mistakes. We have the choice to learn and change or to stay in the status quo. But there is no guilt. We all act in the way that mirrors our "being" at that point. You weren't able to act in a different way with your children. Today maybe you would have reacted differently if the same situation occurs. LGG

It's really nice to know you on Steemit :) What a positive voice

Thank you so much! Same to you. I like Steem for giving this chance to find peaceful people across borders to connect with heart. Our world needs that.

Hi @agmoore, Thank you for your "long" answer! Meanwhile i have a nice relationship with my father. Getting old sometimes make people wise. ;-) My brother needs some years to find his way. Now he has a family, two boys and a nice wife. We are not very close together and that is ok. I am not suffering on this silent lie, I understand my situation and it is ok. Maybe this event leads me to my profession.working with children? As you described there is always something good in it ;-) Questioning authority, education, the dance of life what is a human being... ? Own experiences are so valuable!
Thank you for reading and commenting! I like your words and thoughts! Kadna

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I'm so happy to hear that the relationship between you and your father has matured, and that your brother has a full life. Perhaps I saw in your piece a little too much of my experience.
Yes...look how we turned out. Take the best from the past and leave the worst bits behind. Life is to be enjoyed.
Have the best day. I'm off to lunch with two writer friends. And then, back to writing.
Your friend, on Steemit and otherwise,
AG

I'm so happy to hear that the relationship between you and your father has matured, and that your brother has a full life. Perhaps I saw in your piece a little too much of my experience.

Maybe... But... i stopped writing at that point 50 years ago, so the emotions seems to be there right now ;-) But life goes on and - as you said - "is to be enjoyed"! Thank you so much for your friendship! From the first moment "reading" you i feel a special joy. (I hope you know what i mean.) It is a strange thing not knowing one another in real life, but i've found some steemians who are very "nice". You are one of them. Thank you! Greetings Kadna

Sometimes real life gets in the way. And thank you!!
I'm off to make another silly collage...will I never grow up?😄
'See you' soon, friend.
AG, from across the sea

I'm off to make another silly collage...will I never grow up?😄

We all need this "childish" part in our soul! We all have it, but most people forgot about it! So, you and i can show others a way to bring this inner child to life. 😉 I hope you will never grow up haha. Kadna

😄
merry go round.jpg

Du weist ja selber, wie sich das mit Storys aus der Kindheit im Erwachsenen Alter verhält. Da sieht man wieder wie weit eine derart gefühlte Kleinigkeit, ihre Netze spinnt. Hast du mit deinem Bruder mal darüber gesprochen.

Nein. Und für mich ist dennoch inzwischen alles ok. Kindheit prägt. Wer würde sich sonst später um Kinder "kümmern"?

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Dankeschön!

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Oh please dont blame yourself. We do carry great shames for the stuff we did as kids but you need to free yourself from that as you were so young. It also sounds like your father put the fear of God into you and you were doing what you could to protect yourself. Hopefully writing will set you free a little!

Thank you for your answer.

you were doing what you could to protect yourself.

That is right. I always fear something happening out of the nowhere. Many years I have always looked on the safe sides. Now I am old and wise ;-) - the story happens more than 50 years ago - and my father becomes calm and wise too. -) We like each other. It was a lesson.for everyone and my brother is doing well. That's life- always chances to learn ;-)
Thank you for reading and commenting. Greetings from Germany Kadna

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You were a child. A child cannot be held accountable for "sins of omission" any more than they should be held accountable for any other childish misdeed. Neither can your brother's mental state be laid at your feet for your childhood fearful inaction. If his mental health issues is in any part due to familial causes, the fault lays in the silence of the adults whose responsibility it was to speak.

However, I do understand your perspective on "terrible lies of silence." It is one of my maxims that, "Silence chooses too." If someone who can effect change chooses silence, they are culpable. For example, if someone watches a beating on the street and does nothing, doesn't even call the police, then that silent person is as guilty, in my estimation, as if they had rained blows on the victim. I also believe, though, that silence may be imposed, forced on the marginalized, the victimized, and/or those at risk – and that their silence is a conviction of the oppressor.

Thank you.

However, I do understand your perspective on "terrible lies of silence." It is one of my maxims that, "Silence chooses too." If someone who can effect change chooses silence, they are culpable.

Yes. That was my idea for making this post, to show a different kind of lie, which can hurt without words. Thanke you for reading and commenting! Greetings from Germany Kadna

You're very welcome.

Ist Dein Bruder wieder gesund geworden?

Die Liebe heilt alle Wunden - sofern die Gene die Dinge nicht schon vorher deteminieren. Und selbst wenn sie determiniert waren, so hilft die Liebe die Folgen abzumildern.

Du warst ein Kind - woher solltest Du wissen, was zu tun ist, wenn Deine Eltern, Dein Vater und Deine Mutter es Dir nie vorgelebt haben sollten?

Schuldvorwürfe sind nicht angebracht. Nicht nur Dein Bruder war das Opfer, sondern auch Du.

Liebe Grüße.

Danke für deine Antwort. Genau so kann ich es heute sehen - es ist ja auch schon 50 Jahre her ;-) Inzwischen verstehe ich mich mit meinem Vater sehr gut - er ist sogar in der Lage seine Liebe zu zeigen, wow! Mein Bruder hat sich nach einigen Jahren gefangen und lebt jetzt sein Leben mit eigener Familie.
Ich würde ungern von Opfer und Täter sprechen... Es war eine Lernchance für uns alle. Liebe Grüße Kadna

Schön, dass sich alle wieder gefunden haben.

Ebenso liebe Grüße.

Hi, @kadna!

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You are not to blame! We all do this type of thing as children - that's how we learn right from wrong. I'd rather lay any blame with your choleric father - I had one of those myself, and the need to protect myself from him led to many untruths.
And the things I regret doing are the things I learned the most from.

Thank you!

And the things I regret doing are the things I learned the most from.

Yesss and i want to add, that the wounds are a great teacher.

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