Descriptions on the Spot: Solaris

in #descriptionsonthespot8 years ago (edited)

Well, this is a bit late in coming, but in my defense, I didn't even know about DotS until a couple of days ago, when I ran into @jedau in #postpromotion-moderated on Steem chat. So I've chosen one of the words from the old list and I'll submit it in the comments section, as well as here on my blog. If this ends up being not all that great, I apologize; I've spent so much time focused on one novel I've been trying to write, I haven't branched out for months. Might be a little rusty!


Dr. Hayes sat quietly on the observation deck, staring out through the plexi-titanium window. His mind was blank, with nary a thought running through his mind as he stared out into the vast expanse of cosmos. 45 million miles ahead of him, dimmed thanks to the UV filter in the window, floated a brilliant star some two-and-a-half times the size of Sol. He could have marveled at its simple, golden beauty. That was before, though. Now, he stared blankly at it, as unmoved by the image before him as someone might be staring at a blank wall.

"Dr. Hayes, there is a message from Senior Chief Gersham waiting for you," chimed the ship's on-board VI. He nodded absently, remaining seated on the bench directly in front of the window.

He was the last one left alive. It was probably ALI, seeking answers for questions he no doubted raised with his last transmission. He couldn't blame them; it had been halfway between a status report and a suicide note, and it certainly wouldn't have read well back at HQ. The last thing that the Alistair Logisitics and Innovation Company - or the Company, as everyone else called it - wanted was to lose an investment as expansive as the Intrepid Five, with its numerous colonists, terraforming equipment, and modular infrastructure pods. His thin brows creased together, and the creases at the corners of his lips deepened as he smiled. There isn't anything left to save, anyway, he thought.

"I'll take it in the cockpit, Viola," he responded. Pulling himself off of the bench, he stood to his feet and made his way to the corridor that lead into the navigation hub and command center. The stiff, rubber outsoles of his form-fit boots tread quietly on the the thin carpeting as he made his way around the holographic display counter, pausing for a second to admire the image that was floating above the rather plain-looking table. STI-46617, the star he was now in orbit around, lay at the heart of a solar system with two worlds in its habitable zone. With such an incredible opportunity for development, the Company had quickly constructed their largest colony ship and built a novel faster-than-light drive system into it, reducing the transit time from half a century to a mere eleven years.

The designation of the star was cold and detached. He'd asked Viola to update its catalog name, but for being a self-described helpful assistant, she tended to be extremely resistant when it came to changing proprietary information. It wasn't as if the Company mattered out here, in the stellar wilderness. Shaking his head, he rounded the table and walked down the hall, between two sets of workstations on either side of it as he made his way to the cockpit. The empty chairs and inactive consoles used to bother him, but now the quiet was serene. It was peaceful, in its own way.

He walked through the open airlock door to the connecting docking foyer, moving past the main airlock door to his left and heading for the cockpit proper. Sliding down into the captain's chair, his hands glided across the smooth haptic command surface and pulled up the command console. Quickly scrolling to incoming messages, he located the video message from Senior Chief Gersham and accessed it. Almost instantly, a video screen popped up on the console display, occupied primarily by an older man, perhaps in his mid-60's, wearing a rather plain-looking suit and tie. He had the look a corporate stooge; his hair was neat, trimmed, and one could tell by the way the black color of it clashed with his natural skin tone that he'd dyed it to look younger. Bemused by the observation, Dr. Hayes hit the play button, reaching up to comb his thinning, chestnut hair back.

"Dr. Edward Hayes, this is Senior Chief Willem Gersham," the message began, with the older man staring straight at the camera, his most concerned face on for the performance. "We here at the Alistair Logisitics and Innovations Company have received your last status update. As you're aware, there is a significant financial investment in the Intrepid project, especially Intrepid Five, and we must strongly urge you to not do anything brash in response to the losses suffered to the mission. We have nothing but the deepest sympathies for the loss of your crew and your family, but this shouldn't be-" Dr. Hayes stopped the transmission, worn features twisting into a frown.

"I'm sure you do, Gersham. I'm sure you're just agonizing over it," he whispered bitterly before pressing the play button again, reaching up to adjust his gray sweater. Hee closed the window. Another couple of taps on the console brought up a virtual diagram of the ship. What had been a ten kilometer long sleeper ship had been reduced to just the fore crew and command section. Between the catastrophic failure of the FTL drive, the ensuing explosions and jettisoning of the colonists, and a series of gamma bursts and failed repairs, everyone else was dead, including his wife Beatrice. She'd been the reason he'd volunteered, and her unbridled optimism and excitement for the project was the only reason he had continued on after the catastrophes that had left him the solitary occupant of the Intrepid Five.

The thought of recording another message amused him, but he ultimately decided against it. There was nothing left to say. He fumbled with the console for a moment before he brought up the guidance system. Plotting coordinates for a direct course into the star - the one his wife had nicknamed Solaris and which Viola simply refused to rename in the catalog - he leaned back in his chair and awaited the inevitable. He didn't have to wait long.

"Dr. Hayes, the course you have just plotted sends the Intrepid directly into STI-46617. I recommend that you change course immediately to avoid total loss of Alistair Company property and loss of remaining crew," chimed Viola, as chipper as ever.

"Viola, for the last time, the star is called Solaris. I'm the last one on board. I'm deciding my own fate."

"But Dr. Hayes, if you continue on this course, you and the Intrepid will perish."

That's the point, he thought. "Viola, engage the remaining sublight engines on the course I've plotted. Authorization Hayes Sigma 2-2-1 Charlie."

"...authorization confirmed. Course plotted. Engaging sublight engines now, Dr. Hayes."

The ship lurched as the thrusters began to pump the remaining fuel out, moving the ship into his plotted course and increasing its velocity. After only a few minutes almost all remaining fuel was depleted for maneuvering, and he was on his way. At his rate of travel, it would take a little over an hour to reach his destination. He leaned back in the captain's chair and closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable to come.

After what felt like an eternity, he was pulled from his silent peace by Viola warning him quite gently that they were approaching critical orbit and would be unable to turn away. With a vaguely annoyed expression, he set all further notifications to display as text only on the command console. He was about to close his eyes again when he caught sight of something directly in front of him. The star now took up the entirety of the viewscreen, and even with the UV and IR filters at maximum, the star was blindingly bright. Still, even against the blinding backdrop, he could swear he could make out a figure approaching him.

She was made of light, as though she were walking across space from the star to him, coming into sharper relief with each step. The closer she came, the harder he had to squint his eyes. Her figure was radiant, slender and graceful, with flowing hair that shone more brilliantly than she did. As she drew closer, the glow from her form lessened, and he began to see details in her face. He noticed the familiar smile, that perfect nose, and those thin brows that added dignity to an already dignified face. He smiled, looking up at her even as the console began to indicate what parts of the ship were being incinerated by the star. The rest of the universe disappeared around him, and he reached up toward the radiant beauty before him. He whispered a final word, before the stellar fire consumed the ship, and him with it.

"Solaris..."

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Oh wow, that was great. That steadily building sense of bleakness, and then the ambiguous resolution at the end was terrific.

This was very nice, I may not be the best critique, but it was a good story and I like your writing style.

Solaris...

It's good enough for me. I will never turn down good criticism.

First of all, thanks for the mention @anarcho-andrei! I'm so glad that you saw my promotion because this story is so awesome! The details are very vivid, and the way you write is exactly built for this type of narrative. It's very gripping and every sentence begs you to ask what happens next. This is such a gem that the whole community should get a chance to read.

It would be interesting if you could build a world around the words you choose for DotS. Since you've already done quite a few world building in the story, it's such a shame to waste such an expansive universe. I really hope this post does well because it deserves every upvote and praise it receives!

Thank you! It's funny you mention world building, because I fully intend to publish more short stories in this same world. I already have a cast of characters from brainstorming this world with a friend of mine, and I'm planning on putting out some more one-shots. Maybe link them together as time goes on and I have a few more of them.

Thank you again for the praise and the recognition. It's nice to finally have an outlet to publish my ideas and stories for others to read. :)

I feel so happy for you man. I sincerely hope that you achieve the success you deserve :)

hey great post I will be featuring it today in my daily pick of hidden gems

Thanks! I appreciate the vote of confidence. I'll be trying to put more out here on a more regular basis. Hopefully I don't slack off :D

I think you might have misspelled his name..I think it's jedau

Thanks for catching that. Not sure where the extra n came from.

I like it so much

Thanks for the praise! I'm going to be writing more stories in this same vein, and I'll post them as time goes on and I finish writing them. I hope you enjoy them as much. :)

Well, i will expect it, science-fiction is one of my favorite genre.

PS: Sorry for my bad english

No worries on the English, and I'm right there with you. I love science fiction.

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