The importance of honesty when dealing with depression

Hello everyone,

often we underestimate how honesty is connected to depression and how much it can impact a depressed person. If you want to improve your mental health during depression, honesty has to be a given. It doesn’t matter if you are talking to your therapist or a friend, you have to be honest with them and yourself.

When talking to others, the question often arises „How are you doing / feeling?“, do not give in to the desire of isolation by answering „good“ or „okay“. By this you will just distance yourself and give your depression more power. So far I have experienced in myself and with others, that everyone who has depression has a time at which they want to be heard and understood. That urge is a part of our desire to get better and find relief. Tell people you trust, how you truly feel! I have been on both sides of these situations, I have talked honestly or wrote online and I have listened, it will help and it will also lessen the burden on your loved ones.

You might be wondering how talking to others will lessen the burden on your loved ones. It’s simple: they care about you and your wellbeing. If they know you have someone to talk to, they know you are not fighting alone. This helps them feel relieved as well, because noone wants to see someone they love or care about dealing with problems all alone. Just knowing you have someone, even if it’s just one person, will help. It also shows them hope, hope that you will get better, by dealing with your problems and facing the feelings you are dealing with, as well as sharing them. It’s easier to carry the weight, if someone helps you, rather than dealing with it alone.

Concerning your therapist (if you have one), trust is the foundation of getting better. Your therapist can not help you, if they do not know how you are feeling, which symptoms and thoughts you are dealing with. Only by being honest with them, can a therapist make a diagnosis and figure out a plan how to deal with the symptoms and get down to the core of the problems you are facing. This is why it has to be a therapist you feel comfortable with, so you can build up trust. Without trust, there is no way that this therapist can help you, because you will feel reluctant to open up to them.

I can understand if someone with depression feels like they will be a burden, if they talk to others. Been there, done that. The truth is, it eats away at you if you do not talk and just attempt to bury it inside. Yes attempt to, because it always resurfaces at some point in life and it will catch you off-guard and it will hurt more than ever.

You can imagine your problems (symptoms, reasons that caused your depression, issues that arise in your daily life and so on) as a huge mountain of dirt. You can only dig away that mountain if you actively deal with your problems. Avoiding to face your problems, won‘t do you any good. The longer you wait to deal with them, the more they become, the higher the mountain gets, the more intimidating it becomes. If you talk to people you trust, you can not only be heard and understood (which will already give you relief and more energy to face your depression and all that comes with it), you also have the chance to have someone who gives you advice, stands by your side and walks this difficult path with you.

We should not forget how important friendships are for depressed people, that is why being honest as a friend is extremely important. You need to let the person know when it is too much and take a break. Do not prioritize your depressed friend to the point to where you can’t take it anymore and break off contact or stop being friends. That will damage them immensly and push them into a huge pit emotionally. If you want to be a true friend and help, you have to tell them when it’s too much for you. You will be doing yourself a favor by taking care of yourself and will be able to maintain the friendship and continue to be there for them in the future. Yes, it can happen that the depressed person will be a bit sad and disappointed at the beginning, if they are in the middle of telling you about a situation or issue. But they will get used to it and after a while they will understand that it is also better for you (this may take a long time, until they have actually improved concerning their depression). It can also happen, that the depressed friend will try to take a step back and not be honest for a while about how they are feeling, as to not be a burden to you, but this is why honesty is important for both individuals. In this case, just keep asking, explain yourself that you really care and that you only needed a break in that particular moment, not in general. If need be (and possible), go visit them, call them, show them you truly care!

If you choose to be there for a friend who is depressed, you need to be aware of how much patience and perserverance you need to have. It will not be easy.

Please, everyone, have the courage to be honest! It might feel like a risk, because you are opening up about your emotions and problems, when already vulnerable, but it can also help you immensly! There are people in this wonderful world, that truly care about you and will catch your fall. Be honest and trust them!

I hope this can help alot of people now and in the future. Take care of yourselves everyone, I know it is possible, rid yourself of depression, and I believe that you all can do it!