Considering Suicide? Let Me Try To Ease and Immunize You.

This is my attempt to provide you (or somebody you care about) the means not only to ease emotional pain and suicidal thoughts, but also a degree of immunization against future such suicidal thoughts.

If you similarly feel that this information is helpful and important to persons who are hurting, then do kindly spread it far and wide (directly e-mail and/or resteem).

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We all have emotions. We feel.

We all have our times, good and bad.

The more fortunate of us have more of the former than the latter.

I'd go into my personal stake in this now - but this is about you, not me - so I'll leave that part until the end of this post. Its a little long but don't let that discourage you as reading this may be just what you need. I also acknowledge that I cannot understand the perspectives of all persons who have ever been at such a crossroads as to consider suicide. I do hope to help some among you though.

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Before I do begin - it is entirely possible that parts of what I say below shall not pertain to you. You can either read through such anyway as generic advice - or skip ahead to the next title to see if it seems more relevant. It is up to you.

Also - if you feel that I completely missed out on your scenario then do let me know in the comments below. I'll take note!

I Shall Presume That You Are Hurting Right Now

There are many, many possible reasons why this could be so.

I also cannot via this medium presume that I understand how you feel.

But I can tell you right now...

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Its alright to feel and show sorrow.

Sadness is our way of sending signals out to the World that we need help.

Some people will make you feel that its not alright to show your pain.

That is because they are insensitive. Its a problem with them, not you.

A lot of us are led to suppress our feelings - leading to pent frustration.

Let go. Allow the sorrow to wash over you.

Life comes in many flavours and bitter-sweet is definitely one such.

Let the sorrow carry away that frustration.

Your sorrow is present - but it will pass.

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How Does Letting Me Feel My Sorrow Help Me?

Well - some people choose to suppress their sorrow.

It can sometimes be useful to do so - but not always.

And through persistently denying sorrow - one opts for a substitute...

...typically based upon either anger or emptiness.

While feeling some anger can sometimes be good...

...anger also tends to drive us to commit acts we otherwise wouldn't...

...and thus might eventually come to regret.

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On the other hand feeling emptiness serves almost no purpose at all.

Its only purpose is to signal to us that we have a space needing filling...

...and the void can seek to consume us from within.

This is generally the more dangerous substitute to sorrow.

Sorrow is a better emotion to allow oneself to feel. Sorrow is a friend.

Sorrow also helps us to begin the healing process.

It may seem unusual but I suggest that besides injuries that are physical we can suffer those that are psychological or specifically emotional in nature. As with all injuries there is a process of healing. Sometimes time is what is needed - and sometimes it takes something more.

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Sadness is easier experienced with the support of somebody who cares.

Do not feel discouraged from reaching out to the persons you'd most wish to be comforted by. The worst that they can do is say no - and this usually means that they simply feel lost themselves.

Its easier with the support of somebody special - but certainly doable alone. Nothing is lost from reaching out however - so why not?

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Don't Give Up!

It was my intention to leave this part until much later - but since we're dwelling on sadness I may as well quickly go over some reasons 'not' to commit suicide. If you are considering taking your own life then here are a number of things to consider.

Suicide is a very permanent non-solution.

And when you 'really' think about it, many of the problems that drive us to such are 'not' permanent.

Many of us who 'live in the moment' may find it difficult to acknowledge this (after all, when you're feeling - you're feeling) but many of these problems that are faced are temporary, can be solved, or otherwise skirted around or surmounted.

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I understand. You may have lost somebody very dear to you. Its hard to fathom that they'll ever be replaced - and no - in a sense they never will.

However it is not unreasonable to say that somebody else might fill the void left behind by the departed. Your cherished gifted you with treasured memories in the past - and if you permit it then the universe will provide you with somebody else to gift you with equally valid experiences in the future.

Sooner or later, it will happen.

And if you take your life today then you won't live to see what happens when 'sooner or later' arrives.

Your problem would remain and you won't be able to do anything about it. That's death.

And, you know what? With certain acts on your part - you can probably shift the balance so that it happens sooner rather than later. Setting up the circumstances for success is like ringing the doorbell so that somebody comes to open up. You need to set that chain of events in motion.

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A Significant Portion of Suicide Attempts Do Not Result in Death

I frustrated myself for hours seeking a couple of better images illustrating how likely it is to not manage to kill oneself in spite of one's attempt... However it is probably not unfair to guess that, on average, around half of the attempts made to end one's life are unsuccessful.

I also don't want to dwell to much upon this reason - but I 'have' to bring this to your attention just in case you haven't considered it.

That includes after going to extreme measures to try to ensure death. Some persons survive multi-floor falls while others die from tripping upon a crack in a pavement. Sometimes the illogical seems to happen.

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However, just because one might survive an attempted suicide event does not mean that one is unaffected by it. In order for one to die, something has to go catastrophically wrong with one's bodily processes - leading to a situation where one's life may not longer be sustained - and where the point that lasting damage is sustained has long since been reached.

One doesn't simply walk it off and tell the mirror "That was a bad idea".

No. There is a 'definite possibility' that you would suffer long-term physical and/or psychological damage as a result of the attempt. And if you think life is hard before an attempt, just imagine how much worse it would be if you didn't succeed.

If any tiny part of you wouldn't 'want' to succeed then that is great. This suggests that you desperately want people to notice and help you. There are much better ways to go about this than to try and take your own life. Even if you are not strong now - you can get stronger.

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My point here is that if you do feel at all conflicted about trying to commit suicide then it does not even make sense for you to try because when you do get to that point where you're "gonna do it" - you 'will' waver* - you will do it a 'little' differently - your odds of surviving the attempt will rise 'and' the odds of inflicting a lasting trauma short of death also increases. Agony, disability, more pressure as you're placed under scrutiny (perhaps the most or least of your worries - depending on who is doing the scrutinizing)... why would you heavily risk doing all this to yourself?

(* There is 'nothing' wrong with any part of you wanting to live. Its not cowardice to want to live your life. Its actually pretty courageous. ^_^)

Oh... and depending on where you live, insensitive and moronic legal systems could also do their part to add to your misery...

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You Will Be Missed.

Some people don't really give this too much thought and even those who do would have trouble thinking of a single person who would miss the self if one took one's life.

This is not because there are no people who care about you or who would miss you. Similarly just because you don't think about it doesn't mean that you don't care if they do.

Feelings of depression and anxiety lead to a narrowing of one's perspective. It is not abnormal but it can be dangerous as it taints your perspective (and who wants to act upon a misinterpretation?)

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Its a situation that can be compared to having a circle of shadows closing in on you, obscuring your surroundings and making it seem like your World is collapsing in on you (which is reflective of your resultant collapsing perspective).

If this doesn't seem to apply to you, its OK - this section is for those to whom it does (the trade-off in trying to help as broad a section of population as feasible).

Some people don't feel like the World will be affected if they were to take their own life. They are just about invariably mistaken.

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It also extends far beyond what most people could fathom.

One analogy that I used to like using - is to picture your network and your networks' networks as being a series of spider webs, one layered on top of the other - with each layer representative of an instance in time.

Your death is a small stone dropped from above the center of these webs.

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It hits the top web, the web is dragged and stretched downwards.

The stone and the web hits the next level... and so on and so forth... and the fall of the stone represents the passage of time - while the effect upon the webs are representative of how distorted reality becomes as a direct and indirect result.

I couldn't really find an image to represent this - so here is something that may be even more accurate a representation if you think about it (down to the state of incompletion)...

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The point is that your death will be felt. It will be felt by all who have invested in you - including emotionally. Your impact upon them may shift their outlooks on life - and their interactions with others - and things that they do or when they do them. Time is changed - and it is unlikely to be for the better.

Similar comparison could be considered representative of all the missed opportunities that your continued living would have yielded. It could be direct or it could be less so (the butterfly effect).

You will be missed... and even 'if' you wouldn't - its not too late for you to form new relationships and change that if such bothers you. The important thing is never to turn on yourself. You are your most important and reliable ally.

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You'll Miss Out On So Much

Let me presume that you either have 20 months or 20 years of life left in you.

There is a lot that you could have done or experienced in that time that taking your own life would simply not allow you to do.

Even if there is no project that you would have wished to work upon, or something that you would have wished to achieve, every month and every year brings new experiences.

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Do you like a particular television series? Perhaps they'll be coming out with the next season (or a new similar or better series) next year.

Maybe you'll get to see your sibling graduate from college. Maybe you'll land your dream job. Maybe you'll meet somebody else special.

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Maybe you'll experiment with something that you hadn't before tried and maybe you'll make a breakthrough - whether it be scientific, culinary or otherwise in nature.

Heck - even if you had just 20 days of life left in you, you could do some pretty awesome things and make sure that you make the most of every moment - including cherishing the bliss of sleep.

Your possibilities stretch out before you. All you need to do is reach out and touch them.

Do obstacles stand in your way? Perhaps you need a change in circumstances.

Yes - you can do it.

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What of the Afterlife?

Not everybody will appreciate my touching upon this - but I do feel that it needs to be touched upon - seeing as suicide 'is' one way to end up in the hereafter. I'll be focusing on touching upon different faiths' perspectives with suicide as context. Various faiths have different perspectives on suicide.

Of course there are faiths that consider us to have just the one life which leads to an eternal after-life. Of those that I am aware of these faiths consider suicide to be a grave failing on the part of the individual who partakes in such - invariably denying them a positive afterlife. Furthermore some faiths opt to bury them separately from others of the faith.

Some faiths profess that those who commit suicide will become ghosts - their time not having come - to linger either until the time when they would have naturally passed on, or for an undefined period beyond.

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Some faiths that consider us to have multiple lives which may or may not result in a long-term hereafter generally frown upon suicide - and certain faiths consider that the fate of the departed is to face the same trials that led them to take their lives, over subsequent lives - until they are able to cope with such, and the cycle of repeated trials is broken (I myself am partial to a variant of such views).

A further group of perspectives is that there is just this life and no hereafter - and that what we have in life is what we've got. While some people may enter a 'crisis of purpose' as a result, others focus upon tending to their lives all the more. For them suicide is neither condemned nor encouraged (as they embrace life as a matter of logic (death being a void of nonexistence beyond)).

I am certain that there are other nuanced views on the matter, but the message that I wish to convey to you is that there are various perspectives on the afterlife. Even if you are personally set on one particular perspective, I would encourage you - for your own sake to ask the question "What if they are mistaken?".

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Would taking one's life remain anywhere near as appealing if that which follows is not quite what one thought?

And even if you did think that 'on balance' things might still be desirable, wouldn't it be better to roll your dice in life over and over until you find a more acceptable way forward in life, than to roll that one and final roll of the dice of death?

You, and your life, are worth more.

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OK so that wasn't very brief... but they do constitute a few solid reasons not to act upon suicidal decisions. More than 90% of attempts happen within the same hour that the decision is made. So slow down. Don't be hasty. Take it easy and treat yourself. Let the time tick away. The minutes, hours and days "lost" are cheap compared to the life you may be considering throwing away.

Now That You've Embraced it - Let That Sadness Go.

It can be a relief and a release to let the tears flow - but there will come a point when you will feel the need to move on.

Even if you do not feel this need - something at the back of your mind will nudge you occasionally - letting you know that its time for 'something else'.

That something else will depend upon the roots of why you found yourself at a juncture where you might have been contemplating "ending it all".

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In general it comes down to one or more of the following:

• Having lost somebody or something (e.g. a loved one)

• Not having enough of something (e.g. money)

• Having too much of something (e.g. pressure)

• Having gained something (e.g. an unplanned pregnancy)

• Fear (direct or indirect) of one or more of the above. (e.g. justice)

Of course the approaches to addressing each of these problems shall vary... but there are a few things that will help you through all of the above.

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Let Go of Guilt.

Yes, sometimes there are things that we wished that we wouldn't have done...

...or alternatively things that we wished that we had done - but didn't.

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Sometimes we feel inclined to blame ourselves...

...to assume responsibility...

...to punish ourselves...

Sometimes we are the only ones pointing the fingers at ourselves - and at other times it may seem (or might actually be) that the entire World is closing in upon us, staring at us accusingly, screaming for our blood and for "justice".

Alternatively they might shun us, ignore us, whisper among themselves and consider us as beneath them.

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It is natural for people to feel emotions.

Sometimes people let their emotions get the better of them.

Their reasons might be valid or not but now is not really the right time to dwell upon it. Let them be and let your priority be yourself and how you are feeling.

Forgive Yourself.

It really doesn't matter what you did.

Even if the entire World is unwilling to do likewise...

...try to find it in your heart to forgive yourself.

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Its kind of strange but you would be surprised how many persons engage in self-blame for non-issues or even things that aren't actually their fault.

Of course if you do happen to be at fault, and what you did was pretty serious, then it is important not to trivialize such. Even so - there is little purpose in beating yourself up over it. Learn the lessons that need learning and feel free to love yourself.

Upon this Earth there is no other individual who knows you quite like yourself - and neither is any other person as guaranteed to be there for you. Be your own friend.

Of course, if there are other persons standing up for you then all the better - and feel free to immerse yourself in their care - but here again - you are enough.

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Still Feeling Down? Shake Things Up a Little!

Sometimes it can prove tricky to break the downward spiral of negative feelings that threaten to drag you down with them.

Feeling the kinds of feelings associated with depression can really deflate us and make us want to do nothing more than curl up and hide from the World. By this point you will have indulged in this a fair bit. Now it is time to move forward. Even with little things.

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This applies also if you are feeling hopeless or like its not worth living another day (it is).

If you are having such feelings of trying to talk yourself out of living the life you know then perhaps you will find it easier to indulge in living a life that you don't.

What do I mean? I mean thinking up harmless things that you normally wouldn't do and do them.

What such appealing things might be shall differ from person to person.

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Treat yourself!

Find a cafeteria in your area.

Preferably one with comfy seating.

Have something sweet to drink as well as something good to munch on.

If you feel like it you could ask a friend out with you - and its OK if they can't make it - go anyway.

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Alternatively you could try a kind of food that you don't normally indulge in (or never tried).

Now I doubt that you'll have Maltese restaurants in your vicinity but the odds are pretty good that you'll find Italian, Chinese, Mexican or others.

In this way you are not only treating yourself to things that you like - or to new culinary experiences - but you are also 'changing the scenery'.

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Sometimes it is very important to do so as this shakes the patterns that you have been living - that can sometimes inadvertently make it harder to escape the rut of feeling down.

Of course - grabbing a bite to eat isn't the only way to try something new - and it needn't even involve going out (though eating out once or thrice can be nice - it doesn't hurt to look up meal deals in your area (and online) if it becomes a regular thing).

Speaking for myself, I personally enjoy the act of just shopping for groceries - and planning what I'd like to eat. This is an excellent opportunity to save money and still get some nice food. Heck - I could even invite somebody over.

But now... I'm inspired to make myself a cheese and egg sandwich - for two.

This is my indulgence for the moment but yours may differ.

Do you like reading? A good book, a sofa and a warm drink can do wonders.

Do you like music? Turn on the radio - or play a playlist that you really like.

If you're feeling a little short of socializing then live talk programs can help too.

Or perhaps you could join a club that meets in your area, meeting people.

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Or, why not learn how to play an instrument if you are so inclined?

Just for fun - and it doesn't need to be an instrument - no pressure!

Perhaps some games?

The point here is to find something that you enjoy doing or 'would' enjoy doing. Something to take your mind off your troubles. You don't even 'need' to think much about being productive at this stage as anything that makes you feel better 'is' productive. This is a part of your healing process - to give yourself comfort.

It is only once you are comforted within the present that you become better placed to begin considering plans for the future.

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Find and Define Your Purpose

I had planned on delving into this topic here... but I realize that I've already given this subject a very good go a while back.

The Power of Purpose

I strongly advise going through the full article.

Much of its content is directly and intimately relevant to the scope of this subject.

More importantly, the information discussed within will help improve evadance of and resistance to suicidal thoughts.

As a person with a clear purpose (or comfort with the more general purpose of simply enjoying life) is a lot less likely to feel the kind of hopelessness and vulnerability that can lead to such thoughts.

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To Summarize

Consider the consequences of taking your own life.

• The drastic permanency of the act - and bad stuff that happens after.

• Those whom you leave behind (including those who need or love you).

• The odds of surviving the act only to end up a semblance of your former self.

• All the things you wished you could have done - that you simply won't.
  

  
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  Measure these consequences against what you seek escape from.

• Are the problems you face as long-term as you think?

• Are they insurmountable? Can you do anything (now or later) to fix things?

• Are they unavoidable? Can you not simply take another path?

• Must you deal with the problems 'now'? Why not give yourself a break?
  

  
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  Steel your soul and fortify your heart with Purpose.

• Is there anything that you would like to do in this life?

• If so, why not make it your mission to make it happen?

• Simply start small, pace yourself, & celebrate every victory.

• If you're not interested in seeking purpose, that is fine too.

• Just living and enjoying what life has to offer is cool.
  

  
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  And if you are suffering an existential crisis - this might help.

Addendum - My Stake in This

We all have our times, good and bad.

The more fortunate of us have more of the former than the latter.

I am not sure which way my life has swung in this regards - on balance.

But I can fairly state that I've been through periods of quiet contentment as well as through valleys of sorrow, pain and despair.

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I'd say that I've done a fair bit of losing and a lot more 'not winning' - with a few flashes of vindication in between. This in itself should clear you of the concern that you have been reading the views of 'just another happy person' who has had it easy or lucky in life (whether such has been so is relative to what one considers easy or lucky).

By my reckoning I have reasoned things through and had experiences that have collectively immunized me to suicidal tendencies - and this for a good decade and a half. Which has been very fortunate for me.

Last February I decided to take on the issue of Suicide. And this post has been my first purpose-specific salvo in that battle. It is my hope that it'll either help you - or help give you the tools to help others.

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Why now? Because I had hoped to have 'done some stuff' a long time ago - but there are chasms that (as always) prevent me from reaching my goals (I am guessing that you know how that feels). Hence - I have finally resolved to write this as a nominal but important victory against suicide.

Furthermore - I am tired of hearing about the suicide of this or that person - and thinking to myself that I 'could' have made a difference if I had gotten through to them sooner. I feel nominally responsible for not having tried enough - not having felt prepared to share my views. Now I kind of am. This post constitutes an overdue beginning.. and this is why I've been silent in posts this past week. This is something that needed doing.

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This is what I have so far. I'd like to think that I accounted for most things but if you feel that I missed out on some aspect then do let me know below and I'll look into updating accordingly.

Also, if you found this post interesting and would like to share this with your followers and friends then a resteem is always appreciated - and directly e-mailing a link of this post to others who may need to give it a look may save a life.

Oh - and whether you happen to have felt helped or not - I'm interested in hearing about it down below. I can only learn! :c)

Sincerely,

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