Depression Sucks
I've written about it a few times here and here. Depression sucks. The biggest problem I'm having with it is finding a job. I have days where all I want to do is browse the internet looking for jobs, and then i have days where all i want to do is NOTHING. I sit here and I think and think about how to make life better, easier, more fulfilled. I have days where I think everything is going to be ok... and I have days where it seems that no matter what I do, think, or say, that things are never going to get better. I go through different scenarios in my head about what if this...and what if that. Waht if? But WHAT IF I'm missing life because I keep thinking about things that happened in the past? I work tirelessly damn near every day, not at a job, but to live, to live without the stress of this mental disability. Some people don't know what it's like and I don't feel bad for those people at all, its debilitating. It makes everything seem like a struggle. I've, among other things, struggled with getting out of bed, taking showers, walking outside...yes walking the hell outside. It seems like the world and my life is just passing me by, and I hate it...I'm stuck in this cycle of "what if"... a day or 2 will go by that i feel ok, seem fine, but almost NEVER, do those thoughts go away, and some days they just almost paralyze me...I get scared to do things, maybe that's a big thing with the job effort, scared of new people, scared of new problems, and scared of more stress. I just want it to go away, but how?
I dont know the answer to the question. I have tried different things...keeping my mind busy, studying stuff on the Internet that I know nothing about (including crypto). I've tried hanging out with friends (the ones I have left), I've tried being alone, and I've fucking tried to get a job, its so disheartening when you get rejected, or just never get any response from potential employers. So, I will continue to fight these demons called depression and anxiety, because I'm not a quitter. 😊😊
I'm still working in that meditation @roberta92
Any suggestions would be helpful...
Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day.
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i have come to the realization that life will screw me over in ways i haven't even imagined yet on a daily basis.
Yeah its going to happen, regardless...unless your a lucky one...I have also come to realize that its how you react...not the actual situation. Get up? Or keep doing the same things? Im trying to make things better and its difficult, but I keep it moving. All you CAN do sometimes
Such a relatable story for so many. The debilitation is such an important element that so many people don't understand until they've lived it. Too often the people that care for us tell us things like "Just apply for more jobs" or "just get up and be productive" but sometimes these things can feel impossible. Sometimes the place we feel the safest is in bed, and especially with severe anxiety, sometimes actually being asleep is the only time we feel any relief.
As far as suggestions, it seems like you've taken the first step in actually being open about your struggle and even this can help with the processing of these emotions and issues.
Love that you're not a quitter, and want to wish you the best with your journey.
Thats probably the worst part...I have days i feel great..and days where I want and feel like i cant do literally anything...and theres days i wish i had just stayed in bed....
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