Late night thoughts
Sometimes, I just sit at night and wonder exactly WHERE it all went wrong. I never come up with a definitive answer. It could be anywhere in the last 7 years. I went from having a steady job, living with my girlfriend, to just about nothing at all. I left my girlfriend, for another girl that I had met through work. Before you make judgement, we had pretty much become roommates, who just hung out and talked to each other every once in a while, at least thats how i seen it. Since that time in my life, it has been a roller coaster from hell. I've been homeless, without water, without food, and even now, for the last about 16 months jobless (side jobs I dont count) Now, many people would say that its my fault, and it mostly is. I however have been in the midst of the most difficult times of my life and now even the girl I love and fell in love with, has basically left me. I have been depressed for most of 6 months AT LEAST, and I just cant seem to kick this shit. It depletes me of all motivation for almost everything in life, and I hate myself for it. It gives me no energy or drive to even accomplish menial tasks like going to the store, or sometimes, even going outside at all. When I do go outside, it seems to make me feel better physically, but it also rips me apart mentally and emotionally, knowing that i have essentially failed any and all people who have cared about or loved me.
The crypto-venture seems to kind of take my mind off things, but the problem with that is I sit for hours messing with it, and get nothing else accomplished. I am hoping that working will help with everything...my mental, physical, and very important to and for me, emotional health will get better. I have been trying to find work, honestly, not really trying for the last few months, but I am putting forth more effort to it now, as i can see that what is going on with me and life NEEDS to change. There are days I literally feel heart-broken and dont know what to do. Theres so much more to the story, but like the title says...These are Just some Of My Late Night Thoughts...13 months, 21 days...Even in The Hardest Parts of my 30 Years
Hey @killbill2018. Thanks for your honest sharing. Mental health and depression are more common than we might think. I know it is hard and I can really relate. There are 2 things have really help me personally: 1) daily meditation - this is a big one - it reconnects us to our worth and why we are here. If you can take 10 minutes out of your life in the morning and do a guided meditation - that will in itself already improve the rest of your day. If you have time and want to commit to yourself more I would recommend doing a 10 day Vipassana course (it is a Free residential course). The link is below: www.dhamma.org They have centres all around the world.
The second thing that has really helped me has been daily reflections of gratitude. Take 10 minutes of your day (ideally in the evening) to reflect on all the things you can be grateful for - this slowly changes the mind's chemistry to be able to focus on the positive and has really been a life changer for me.
I hope this helps and a big hug to you! :)
Thank you. I do have time lol. I will definitely look into the meditation, as well as the link you dropped. I appreciate the good and kind words you have said, and i do appreciate it. Thank you
Especially The second thing that has really helped me has been daily reflections of gratitude. Take 10 minutes of your day (ideally in the evening) to reflect on all the things you can be grateful for - this slowly changes the mind's chemistry to be able to focus on the positive and has really been a life changer for me.
I try to do that as much as i can, and it usually turns into thinking about the things I've messed up, i also have this horrible case of anxiety. These are mental illnesses, i believe mostly caused by stress. I could be wrong, but as soon as life get stressful, i just want to curl up and sleep. It's gotten much worse since around thanksgiving, to where sometimes even getting out of bed seems like a horrible idea. Im trying to change my mind set, but its difficult when i feel like i almost literally have nothing to look forward to. It all starts from within, but its always good to have some outside help. Thank you so very much ☺
I just want to give you a hug! Have you tried speaking to your doctor/possibly a psychiatrist? It feels like a solid support is very important at times likes this. <3
tipped you on SmartCash discord
Good job mate 👍 its all worth it
Usually just type on my phone honestly, been thinking more lately lol, never been much of a writer, but its nice to get thoughts out every once in a while. And get opinions, thoughts, whatever, from people on the outside