Lately I've been stressing more than usual because I've had more on my plate than I could handle. While I've always been used to overworking myself; what I never was used to was being overwhelmed... until now

I bought an apple iWatch (3rd gen) to help me with organizing my life & more importantly...

For the health applications that help keep my mind, body, activity, and sleep on a healthy & consistent state of positivity.

A good friend of mine who I've known since childhood one of my best friends and closest friends now that I think about it 😭 died from a heroin overdose very very recently and I've been pretending like it hasn't happened because I've been in shock but the reality is it's been eating me up from the inside-out.

The last words I said to him were "take care of yourself man; please stay away from all that bullshit, you're better than this and you have suffered enough. you and I both know that getting clean is easy... staying clean is the hard part" and he just sort of muttered while shaking his head in agreement but in reality it was all in one ear and out the other.

DO you believe in coincidences? Why is it that I had the urge to have such a deep conversation about philosophy, life & health with him the last time I saw him? We hung out atleast once a week for decades. I distanced myself from him when he became involved in drug abuse and started making bad choices (it was just strictly tough love) but last time we talked he told me he was clean for 6 months. I believed him. I still do. An everyday user doesn't overdose and die just like that.. It's the people who have been clean for a while and don't realize their tolerance is depleted so they take the same amount they used to when they were using everyday and they are gone.

I can't believe it. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it... I'm making irrational & impulsive decisions (like proposing to a girl I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to marry) and just confused as to why bad things happen to good people. I believe in God; and I believe he has a plan for us but what happened with john was not right. he was a good kid. he just lost his way...

After breaking down last night (while pretending everything was okay on the surface since then) I realized that if I don't take a step back & breathe & take care of my mind and body and self than I cannot take care of others.

God Bless you all. Cherish & adore your friends & family and all loved ones. Any day could be the day you get the call. Just like that they're gone. 😭 Miss you buddy.

R.I.P. John Brennan 1995 - 2018 😭😭😭

I know you're up there in heaven cracking jokes with other angels & changing the atmosphere of heaven to a fun loose environment. That's how you were. Always full of love. Always fast & loose. I love you so much. I miss you and would do anything to have you back.

Peace & Love. God bless.

• @a1mtarabichi