Divorce father - how do I design the weekend with my child?

A divorce is never nice. Much that has already gnawed at the relationship in the past, often comes even more drastic on the table. The pain of two injured partners can cause it to "get right down to business" during the divorce. If the marriage has children, it becomes even more difficult because they are suffering. All the more important is the time after the breakup. Time, which is often spent only on weekends.

The 14-day rule still applies to most divorcees. If the child stays with the mother after the separation, the contacts are usually limited to the weekends. Since, of course, the mother wants to enjoy relaxed week-end with the child, that means that only every other weekend is eligible. In the meantime, one is not out of the world, one can telephone regularly with the child. If the ex-partners have found a really good level, then visits outside of the agreed times are possible. Nevertheless, the common weekends are of course the highlight. Accordingly, they should be used.

Everyday life was yesterday

What sounds like a precious asset at first does not just have positive sides. If the offspring comes at the weekend, that is of course something special. It could be exaggerated to say that the mother experiences the gray everyday life, while the visit to her father is a very special event. And that is understandable. If your child only sees you every two weeks, they do not want to be bothered with things like homework, room cleaning or hairdressing. It rather expects excursions, fun, games, maybe a movie or swimming pool visit. Of course it would be fatal if you were simulating everyday life on the weekend, just to create a sense of normalcy. It would not do your child well, which finally needs to recover from the stress of the week. That's what you're there for. Nonetheless, everyday issues also play a role, and that may mean learning together or helping to prepare for class work. The mix does it.

Planned or spontaneous?

Whether you plan your weekend exactly with your child or simply see what comes your way depends on how it was before the divorce. There are families who plan their weekends meticulously. Whether that is good, everyone may judge differently, but the fact is that it shapes a child. So, if you have discussed as a family very precisely how the weekend should be, your child probably needs some orientation on the Father Weekends as well. That does not mean that it has to stay that way. Did this annoying weekend get on your nerves? So now, after the divorce, do you want to put an end to these things and start in the truest sense of the word? Then you should do that as well, only your child should not forget it. Children are capable of learning, no question about that. Still, if you were overly structured, sudden "chaos" would overwhelm your child. So take small steps, your child will gradually discover the benefits of spontaneity - step by step.

Peace, joy and pancakes

Up to a point, it can not be avoided to include the ex-partner in the weekend planning. There are couples where this is completely easy. Especially when the separation is a long time ago, conversations are often uncomplicated. However, if there is not enough for "peace, joy, pancakes" and tensions to ex-partner, tact is needed. Now you might think "What she does not know does not make her hot". Even if the ex-wife has preached so that in the planned trip scarf and cap should be worn, you can of course ignore it. Your son or daughter will probably be pleased. And proudly tell it to mother at home. The fact that this dispute with the ex is inevitable, hardly needs to be mentioned. And the victims are first and foremost the children. The weekends are so topic before they even started, for relaxation, of course, does not contribute. The message joy of children decreases as they get older. But secrecy like "But you do not say that to Mama now, yes?" Leads to nothing - except for remorse in the offspring, who often has to decide: Can I tell Mama or not?

Relaxed everyday life

It is borderline to make a nice weekend and still participate in everyday life. It is not possible.

• Set the focus of the weekend on recreational activities. It just belongs in the foreground, everything else is secondary.

• Nevertheless, do not completely exclude everyday life. Your child must learn that you are not just the fun daddy, but also take responsibility for everyday things. And sometimes they fall into the weekend.

• Find a balance between planned and unplanned leisure time. As mentioned above, although some children need a lot of structure. But this is not set in stone, spontaneous ventures can be great experiences.

• If possible, try to involve your ex-partner so that she too has a good feeling. For the time between the weekends with your child that is certainly good.