Judge Opinions, Not People || Everybody Has Their (Hi)Story
Too often we judge people based on our own backgrounds and experiences, but when you understand people's stories, it's easier to understand their demeanor. - Joel Osteen
I love your way of thinking, Joel.
We've got all the very same starting point from where we look at the world: our own.
Yet, being socially integrated people, we need to learn that our own perspective is not a universally valid pattern. Ultimately, there are as many stories as human beings on this planet.
We may judge opinions, but we can't judge the people behind them.
@surfermarly and her shadow - How much do you know about me?
Judging people is a sign of weakness.
We don't judge people when we feel good about ourselves. - Brene Brown
Often judgement is an act of projection.
A lack of self-confidence often leads to weird behavioral patterns. It seems to be much easier judging others than recognizing our own weak points, so instead of trying to improve ones own position people tend to make others look small.
Scientists and philosophers have studied this phenomena already long time ago.
Freud considered that, in projection, thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings that cannot be accepted as one's own are dealt with by being placed in the outside world and attributed to someone else. - (Source)
It's a vicious circle since blind judgement - as a reaction of personal insecurity - tears us apart even more.
Judge opinions, not opinion makers.
There is a huge difference between rationally judging an argument versus irrationally evaluating a person.
Yet, they're separated by a thin line.
The senders and their messages are inseparably connected, so whenever you express your disagreement about something, there is high probability of going too far. It requires a lot of life experience and - see above - self-contentment to respect a person as a human being - with all their strengths and weak points - and just focus on the facts.
Leave your emotions aside.
Debating doesn't require to raise ones voice, unless you don't have an argument.
10% of a conflict is actually due to difference in opinion (rational), and 90% is due to delivery and tone of voice (emotional).
When people raise their voices or start being impolite in discussions, it's a clear sign of missing position. Defending an opinion first of requires having an opinion.
The very first step is shaping our own personality and completely accepting who we are.
You need to love yourself first before you can start loving others.
Disagreement is a vehicle on the way towards change.
People who start discussing without any reason have no real interest in evolution or change, they rather impede it.
If we're really interested in making a difference, we need to carefully listen to people without any prejudice. A wise person knows that there is something to be learned from everyone.
Everybody has their story and background which makes them look on the world in a completely individual and untouchable way. The only challengeable part in a dialog is the argument, never the dialog partners themselves.
Have a smooth start into the week, Steemians - and respect the ones next to you.
Marly -
Thanks for your valuable time!
This blog was launched at the end of July 2016
aiming to provide stories for open-minded
people who enjoy living on the edge of their lives,
stepping out of comfort zones, going on adventure,
doing extreme sports and embracing the new.
Welcome to the too-much-energy-blog!
PS: Don't forget that this is a troll-free zone.
Original content. Quotes found on quotez.co, pinterest.com and liveyourdream.org.
This is the number 1 reason why people get into circular arguments! They are judging the person, so they get into this full on attack mode. It gets the two people pissed off at each other, and nothing productive comes out of it.
Avoid that kinda stuff at all cost!
I have a work buddy who would just find every reason to start an argument with me over policies in the US. After a few months, it just became attacks, and I got pissed off at him and told him to go shove it and to look at himself before he judges someone else's opinion. Literally everything you spoke about above. This kind of stuff can destroy friendships and relationships.
Well said!
Hey, nice to see you in my blog :-)
I fully agree with everything you said here. An atmosphere of constructive debate is hard to find, but everybody can learn that. It's like a culture of habits. Also it's a way of showing respect towards the people that are close to you. That applies both in business and private relationships.
Thanks for sharing your valuable thoughts. Appreciated! :-)
=D
Another fantastic post that we can and should all learn from it since ther is so much judgment out there in the world.
I love it "If you judge people, you have no time to love them". That is so true and like you said we judge because we feel bad about ourselves, low self-esteem, it's a sign of being weak, so we try to put the other people lower than us and make ourselves look better and higher.
We have no right to judge anyone, only God has the right since he knows what that person went through, what that person is going through.
Usually the people we judge are the people that did us wrong, or hurt us or are just mean people. But these are the people that need our help the most because these are the people that are hurting the most and it is our job to love on them and help them.
Matthew 5:55 "I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."
Matthew 7:1-5 "7 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."
Thanks for your encouragement @joalvarez!
I'm not a very religious person, yet one may agree on what you quoted anyways.
Actually it's a very childish behavior, too.
Have a great day, hopefully being surrounded by wise people :-)
I love Brene Brown....her quotes have so much punch - as do her books. But, re judging, you are right on with that.
When emotions are high and not checked, people find it hard to separate the person from the comment or belief.
Good one @surfermarly!!
I think it's the first time that I quoted her on steemit. The fact that I considered her words twice in the very same article means that she definitely convinced me :-)
Thanks for stopping by!
Do you think there are ways to initiate the type of discussion?
I've been listening to a podcast called self made man, and there was a really cool one with an FBI negotiator. He said that you should always make someone feel like their point is valid before trying to change their opinion. Make them say, THATS RIGHT!!
it seems kind of shitty to have to manipulate someone into being a decent human being, but I've tried it, and it works!
Interesting stuff! I can imagine that it works. By saying that you agree, you make the person feel comfortable / safe. From there it's easier to start.
Exactly! the guy got that idea from working on a suicide hotline, which ironically is where people tend to talk the biggest and sometimes take the biggest choice.
When you can get someone to understand that YOU understand them, theyll naturally feel like they did the work to get you to agree, and negotiating can begin. Now we can talk about a subject together, rather than have 2 people oppose each other.
Well probably you and me we're a good example :-) You know that my very first comment on one of your articles was not only well-intentioned. I didn't agree on something you did, but then - especially due to your way of responding to my criticism - I did one step back and recognized that I had to adjust my opinion about your doings. That only happend because we both were open for a healthy exchange of ideas.
I guess working on a suicide hotline is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Knowing that you may be THE crucial player that decides on life vs. death, must be a tremendous pressure. I'm 100% sure that I couldn't do that, and I deeply admire the people who do, because they save lives in the end.
Right. I don't think it's manipulation per se.
To me, validation means allowing the person to have their core truth or belief in an opinion and zero in that - without having to agree with them. Validation is about the other person, not your personal beliefs.
This way the other person does not feel attacked or shameful for believing something or feeling a certain way. Saying, I know what you mean, or it makes sense that you believe or feel that way, drops their wall and allows a verbal and emotional connection.
Learning to validate is a very good tool and learning self validation is important too.
There is a saying: Your clothes lift you up before you sit down and your tongue lifts you up after sitting down.
Appearance deceives us sometimes.
you are great @surfermarly. i like your post and following.
upvote,comment,follow xchange please
No objections - agreed. Is that because we did disagree recently on a certain issue? Probably not - I actually try to avoid debates on steemit as of the reasons you explored - but sometimes emotions are stronger then me or self confidence (not sure I got that though).
Haha, no this is not about us :-) Still I hope you're not giving these things too much importance. As I said: I can perfectly disagree on something you say and still like you as a person :-) And that's the case - at least from my side.
I don't like avoiding debates just for the reason that people get emotional. Without disagreement there is no progress.
Kisses :-*
A successful and good person does not juge anyone. This is done by people who can not be realized in their lives, instead of changing their lives, they interfere in other people's affairs. You are right, it's a weakness! This weakness is a very bad feature of nature.
I guess you're right. It's not easy to leave emotions aside, but we can learn that.
Hei liebe grüße aus dem kalten Hessenland..ein schöner Post..nehme ich zu mir rüber..liebe Grüße
Dankesehr! Hessen ist meine eigentliche Heimat :-) Bin in Marburg geboren.
LG
ich bin ja übrigens ein halber Hesse! Mama aus Gelnhausen
A successful and good person does not juge anyone. This is done by people who can not be realized in their lives, instead of changing their lives, they interfere in other people's affairs. You are right, it's a weakness! This weakness is a very bad feature of nature. With such people, i don't want to have a deal at all.
Well, we're all human beings and not perfect. Everybody might get a valid chance. I usually don't close the door right away. Yet, if someone keeps on the anti line, I don't pay more attention to them.
Yes, we all aren't perfect, but some people try to change for a better and some people don't care about it at all. I prefer to see good people around me so i'm trying to stay away from malicious and envious people.