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RE: Judge Opinions, Not People || Everybody Has Their (Hi)Story
I love Brene Brown....her quotes have so much punch - as do her books. But, re judging, you are right on with that.
When emotions are high and not checked, people find it hard to separate the person from the comment or belief.
Good one @surfermarly!!
I think it's the first time that I quoted her on steemit. The fact that I considered her words twice in the very same article means that she definitely convinced me :-)
Thanks for stopping by!
Do you think there are ways to initiate the type of discussion?
I've been listening to a podcast called self made man, and there was a really cool one with an FBI negotiator. He said that you should always make someone feel like their point is valid before trying to change their opinion. Make them say, THATS RIGHT!!
it seems kind of shitty to have to manipulate someone into being a decent human being, but I've tried it, and it works!
Interesting stuff! I can imagine that it works. By saying that you agree, you make the person feel comfortable / safe. From there it's easier to start.
Exactly! the guy got that idea from working on a suicide hotline, which ironically is where people tend to talk the biggest and sometimes take the biggest choice.
When you can get someone to understand that YOU understand them, theyll naturally feel like they did the work to get you to agree, and negotiating can begin. Now we can talk about a subject together, rather than have 2 people oppose each other.
Well probably you and me we're a good example :-) You know that my very first comment on one of your articles was not only well-intentioned. I didn't agree on something you did, but then - especially due to your way of responding to my criticism - I did one step back and recognized that I had to adjust my opinion about your doings. That only happend because we both were open for a healthy exchange of ideas.
I guess working on a suicide hotline is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Knowing that you may be THE crucial player that decides on life vs. death, must be a tremendous pressure. I'm 100% sure that I couldn't do that, and I deeply admire the people who do, because they save lives in the end.
Right. I don't think it's manipulation per se.
To me, validation means allowing the person to have their core truth or belief in an opinion and zero in that - without having to agree with them. Validation is about the other person, not your personal beliefs.
This way the other person does not feel attacked or shameful for believing something or feeling a certain way. Saying, I know what you mean, or it makes sense that you believe or feel that way, drops their wall and allows a verbal and emotional connection.
Learning to validate is a very good tool and learning self validation is important too.