How to print your own money (by creating an ICO) [EASY GUIDE FOR BEGINNERS]

Do phrases like "blockchain", "ERC20 token", and "income tax" confuse you? Do you want to easily make millions in a day without doing anything and then get investigated by the IRS? There's an easy way to do it...

PRINT YOUR OWN MONEY

"But xenon", you may ask, "anybody can print their own fake money, and it's only worth something if people say it's worth something! How do you convince people that it's worth something?"

Well, the answer is simple: use the tech buzzwords that people don't understand. That's why you're selling a blockchain asset instead of just pieces of paper that say they're money; the difference is that one of them uses the term "blockchain". By printing your own money as an ERC20 token, you can get all the clueless cryptocurrency investors (the ones who are holding 200,000 Garlicoin) to buy thousands of your token. You can also make audacious claims that it's 1:1 backed with some real-life thing, nobody's gonna actually try to find out.

MAKING THE ACTUAL TOKEN

This part's so easy, I made a website to do it for you. You literally just have to type in the name, symbol, max supply and your address, and it gives you the contract code. Then, go to remix.ethereum.org, and paste in the code. Click "Compile", go to "Run", choose "MyToken" in the dropdown box, and click Deploy. For optimal results, deploy it on the testnet so you don't have to actually spend any money to print your own money.

BUT TO DO THAT YOU HAVE TO COME UP WITH A NAME

Just combine a couple cool sounding words. Here's some suggestions: "digi", "lite", "bit", "byte", "giga", "deep", "mach", "nova", "block", "coin", "cash", "pay", "onion", and "pickle". Here are sample token names using those suggestions:

"MachBlock" (XMB)
"GigaLite" (XGL)
"Litecoin Cash" (LCC)
"NovaPay" (XNP)
"Bitcoin Deep Pay" (BDP)
"BytePickle" (BPC)
"DeepOnion" (ONION)
"Bitconeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeect" (BTCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)
ProTip: Putting "bitcoin" in the name somewhere makes it more reputable.

MAKE A COOL LOGO

Just get some random geometric symbol and write the coin name in the Ubuntu font next to it. Like this:

Perfect.

MAKE A COOL SITE

You need a website for your ICO, all the cool kids are making websites. Get a .tk website, they're free and will make your coin look reputable. The .com for your coin name is probably already taken, anyway.

Here are some tips for making your website:

• Make sure you say that it'll revolutionize the way we use technology forever.
• Try to present it as both a cryptocurrency and an "application platform". That makes your token look better to potential gamblers investors.
• List the wide variety of wallets that already support your token, like the official Ethereum desktop wallet and MyEtherWallet.com.
• Create a PDF of your website and make it available for download as your "white paper".
• Use buying coffee as an example of the uses for your token.
• Claim that your token's price is guaranteed to rise 1% every day.
• Use PayPal as the method of payment to buy the token, we all know how much PayPal loves cryptocurrency.
• Don't waste your time setting up an automated sale system, just manually send people their tokens before you go to bed.
• Only sell 10% of the max supply and keep the rest, that way you can quickly sell the rest when the token's price peaks.

GET PEOPLE TO BUY IT

This one's easy. Here are some ways to attract gamblers speculators:

• Post to 25 different cryptocurrency subreddits, including r/Garlicoin
• Hype it up on Bitcointalk.
• Pay for advertisements on cryptocurrency faucets.
• Write a post on Steemit and pay for votes to get onto the Trending page.
• Advertise on Google quickly before they ban your ads.
• Extensively use the term "HODL" in your ads.
• Inform everybody that your token is 1:1 backed with Nutella. Each token can be exchanged for 1 pound of Nutella but only if you're willing to drive to my house.
• Pay some crappy exchanges to list your token before the sale even begins.
• After the crappy exchanges list your token, fill out CoinMarketCap's form to get your token on there. Write a bot to trade the token with itself so it'll have $100,000 of daily volume.

ENJOY YOUR MONEY

Transfer it all to a bank account in Panama.


^{Please don't take this seriously, I'm not saying all cryptocurrencies or ICOs are bad, I'm just saying that a lot of ICOs are the equivalent of lighting your money on fire and flushing it down the toilet.}